Photo source: abc.com
Welcome back rose lovers, you adorable Monday night binge drinkers! I look forward to bringing you recaps of the inevitable emotional roller coaster ride that will be this season of The Bachelor. Let’s dive right in and get re-acquainted with our Bachelor Nick, shall we?
So, Nick isn’t new. He’s basically a Bachelor world veteran at this point. His #journey started a few years ago when he made it to the final two of Andi Dorfman’s season and was dumped before he could get down on one knee. Fast forward to the next Bachelorette – Kaitlyn Bristowe. Nick was a bit of a late addition to her season, joining a few weeks in. He had met Kaitlyn at some Bachelor social before she was announced as the next Bachelorette (I imagine it was Vegas-themed for some reason) and decided they had enough of a connection that he needed to pursue her on national television. He made it to the final two once again – this time he did propose (sorta) but was insta-rejected by our Bachelorette. Down but not out, Nick showed up on the most recent season of Bachelor in Paradise. After a brief showmance with single mom Amanda he seemed to have found his match in Jen, but ultimately he didn’t propose (proving that people can change) and was announced as the next Bachelor while that show was still airing. Full disclosh (not a real word, you’ll learn to love it): I’m a huge Nick Viall fan. He’s adorable, funny, smart and is, like, really good dresser. I basically want to live in a pile of his cardigans. He’s 36 and from Milwaukee, Wisconsin and I bet his neck smells great.
First we’re treated to a bro-down with Nick and former Bachelors Sean Lowe, Chris Soules and Ben Higgins. They’re all “we didn’t really like you on Andi’s season but we like you know dude.” Ben tells Nick to just be himself. I have an alternate suggestion: never wear a shirt. What? Nick has a banging body. Sorry not sorry. I hope there are some awesome women in his bunch who can keep up with Nick. He’s pretty bright and the dude wears the fuck out of a 3-piece suit. If I were a contestant, I’d throw my body at his body and hope for the best. Actually, who am I kidding? I’d hyperventilate in the limo and then bail and hit an In-N-Out burger or something.
Amongst this season’s women there is a French Canadian, a salon owner, a nursing student, a boutique owner who goes ‘mudding’, a soft spoken neonatal nurse, and a bridesmaid from Bachelor in Paradise’s success couple Jade and Tanner’s wedding who got drunk with Nick that night and banged him but didn’t give him her number because.. umm…. BECAUSE WHY DUMB DUMB?
It’s time for limo arrivals. They must have thrown a spider into a few of them because these women are actually screaming. Nick and host Chris Harrison share a tender “welcome back” moment. Nick is wearing an amazing polka dot tie and Chris pretends not to notice and instead is all “you were a controversial choice for Bachelor.” Nick is ready to find love and it’s just in the..err..nick of time because the women arrive.
Salon owner Danielle L. is the first out of the limo and Nick looks pleased as punch. Elizabeth – a marketing manager from Texas – is “soooo glad” that Nick is our Bachelor. There’s a possibly insane wedding videographer named Christen who is thrilled that Nick is very tall in person. Mental health counsellor Taylor makes a good first impression until she opens her mouth and blurts out that all of her friends casually refer to Nick as a “piece of shit” (yes, she told him this). There’s a model named Angela who seems quite lovely. Sassy Sarah is tickled to find food awaiting her in the mansion (spirit animal!) and a spunky gal named Ida Marie does a trust fall with our Bachelor. When our favourite bridesmaid (and doula, cool!) Elizabeth “Liz” shows up she suspects Nick doesn’t remember her (and claims she’s cool with that) but he reveals to Chris Harrison that he thinks he met her at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. Corinne gets a “she’s cute” from Nick and Frenchie Vanessa wows him as well. Neonatal nurse Danielle M. arrives with homemade syrup and they have a very sweet exchange (see what I did there? It’s ok to groan). Alexis shows up in a shark costume but THINKS SHE IS A DOLPHIN (yes, I’m shouting).
Nick enters the mansion after meeting his 30 ladies and says some stuff about being normal in an abnormal world or whatever who cares he’s so handsome. We enter the portion of night one where Nick starts to have some one-on-one time with his girlfriends. He really connects with lawyer Rachel, Danielle L. and Vanessa. Corinne gets the first kiss of the night, which obviously doesn’t annoy the other women at.all (sarcasm). Wait until they hear she referred to him as Nickelodeon (no!). The women are all gorgeous, are mostly wearing red dresses, and look like they promote sunglasses and meal delivery services on Instagram.
While Nick gets to know, well, everyone, Jasmine G. earns the title of First Crier. She’s emotional over “the environment” of the house. Shark girl Alexis still thinks she’s a dolphin and jumps in the pool and then Nick breaks it to her that she is dressed as a shark. “That’s a concern,” Nick deadpans. While chatting with Liz, Nick confesses he totes remembers meeting herat Jade and Tanner’s wedding (that explains the “weird look”, she responds). “I remember being very intrigued by you,” Nick tells her, and adds that he was bummed when she wouldn’t give him her digits, post-coitus. After all, she could’ve just asked Jade for his number if she really wanted to stay in touch. Liz says that after she saw Nick on Bachelor in Paradise her impression of him changed and her “stereotype” of him disappeared. That conversation ends abruptly, and Liz worries that Nick may send her packing. Later, he tells Chris that their conversation wasn’t the best and their connection is on “shakey ground.” I guess it may seem suspect that she didn’t want to stay in touch with him after they hooked up but suddenly he’s The Bachelor and here she is? I actually hope he keeps Liz around because she seems pretty cool and down-to-earth.
The First Impression Rose (FIR – I like acronyms, you’ll adapt) makes its first appearance, and the girl who forced Nick to eat a raw hot dog with him Lady-and-the-Tramp style hopes it doesn’t go to Corinne: “It’s a bold move to kiss someone on the first night.” So is giving someone food poisoning. Neonatal nurse Danielle M. is just so gosh darned sweet but it isn’t enough to land her the FIR which goes to Rachel. Our Bachelor tells Rachel he was immediately taken by her “aura and presence” and she accepts his rose “100%.” They kiss and hold hands a bit and it’s pretty cute.
Once the roses are handed out, Shark-Dolphin is safe. So is the girl who kept telling Nick that all her friends think he’s THE WORST. And Liz is safe too, proving that it is always a good idea to bed down after weddings because that guy may be the Bachelor one day.
And that’s it for week one. What are your thoughts? Did any of your initial favourites get sent home? Hit me up in the comments.
Thanks for reading. I’ll be back next week!