Bits & Pieces


Um…how is it already August? This summer is flying by. Hope you have a great weekend!

Here are some bits and pieces that made my week.

  • Honestly the first time I watched this video I didn’t even notice that it was a spoof. Take a close look at the men in the video. Recognize anyone from The Office / Arrested Development / SNL? Ha.
  • Can you guess a city based on its Starbucks locations? I can’t. Apparently.
  • I could watch Nicole Richie all night long (get it?). I am obsessed with her series of Candidly Nicole videos on AOL. This one is my new favourite.
  • …and as for that ‘negging‘ reference…..



Funny Girls in Tight Jeans

From time to time on this blog I like to post old email conversations between my pal M and I. We’re the funniest people we know. We are often hungover and spend a lot of time talking about cheese. Here goes.

J: What is wrong with me? I was home from the bar by 1 a.m. but am so so tired. It’s like I danced to Beyonce until 6 a.m. instead of actually just eating a bunch of brie in my underpants. In bed.

M: Oh man I’m sooooo tired again today!  I also go home at a reasonable time but my roommate is away for a few days so I left my door open for the cat. But she spent most of the night walking on my face or meowing and then walking on my face. Wow, I am SO impressed that you stuck to one beer!  At Ronnie’s no less – that is actually some sort of miracle.  Like making out with a unicorn and then it calling you the next day.

J: I need coffee. There’s a beautiful boy who works at my Starbucks (I say ‘my’ only because I’ve fallen asleep while waiting for a latte so I feel some sort of ownership with both the location and the random banker who kindly let me rest my head in his lap while he took photos of me with his iPhone), and he was all about my cappuccino until I went in with my 21-year-old summer student and suddenly it was ‘goodbye chubby pale chick and hello stunning 6 foot tall supermodel fetus girl’. Typical. Your cat sounds like my ex-boyfriend. Boom. I once woke up to a friend’s cat trying to stick its entire face down my throat. Umm…hello FORWARD MUCH? At least buy me a drink first. Unicorns rarely call the next day, but they do send chocolate. I’m having a rough day at work. HR is thisclose to sending me a refresher etiquette email.

M: Picture G and I outside of the Starbucks on College and Dovercourt. I am currently wearing ripped faded jeans for painting a house and am on breakfast sandwich number two. I say: “Ohhhh, I’ll date him- I don’t even care if he’s 17!” Yeah, I don’t care, you just stand there in your little shirt and tie and get dated. And I’m still waiting for my chocolate. Damn classless unicorn. My day has gone from normal to uuuuuuhhhhhhggggggggggg *pulls hair*. Cut to me drinking gin in the shower. Good grief it looks like I’m wearing red eyeliner today.

J: I look like the human equivalent of botulism.

M: Remember when we were carefree?

J: I’m the cow. You’re the gay shark.

M: I actually laughed out loud. Earlier I debated going to have a quick cry in the bathroom but I was listening to Jay Sean and I was like “No, that’s too pathetic”. Ummmmmmm, and then I google-imaged “stress” and I saw this picture:

And the first thing I noticed was “oh, she’s married?” I’m going to go for a long cry. I guess? I’m the gay shark.  I’m going to teach my young that life has no set path but that which you choose. And then we will eat the purple fish.

5 Things I Can’t Live Without

OK so technically I could live without these things (we’re not talking oxygen, water or Cheetos, here), but I’d rather not.

Here goes.

#1 – My Tokyo Starbucks Travel Mug

In case I haven’t mentioned it 3,429,583 times, I ♥ Japan. And I enjoy Starbucks. My travel Tokyo mug from a Starbucks at the epicenter of Tokyo’s busiest pedestrian intersection, Shibuya (you can actually see the Starbucks I purchased it from in this youtube clip), brings together my love of both these things. I once accidentally left it in my office kitchen overnight and was sick the next day and called my co-worker in a screeching panic to go get it back because I was actually having anxiety not being able to see it in its prime location on my kitchen counter. It was the worst. I cried a little.

Also, a favourite quote of mine from Stuff White People Like #58 – Japan: “If you find yourself in an awkward silence with white people, just mention how you want to go to Japan.  They will immediately begin talking about their trip to Japan, or their favorite stuff from Japan, but it will be entirely about them.  This is useful as you no longer have to talk, and they will like you for letting them talk about themselves.


Travel Coffee Mug from Starbucks in Tokyo

#2 – My Passport

If I could only save 1 thing in a fire, it would be my passport (to clarify: I don’t have pets or an Ipad ,so…..). I regularly wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night and reach over to juuuuuuuust next to my bed to make sure it’s still in its place in my box o’ crap and important papers (taxes, restraining orders, warranties, etc.) that I keep in my bedroom.

I love my passport. It completes me.

Over the last 4 years alone, it’s seen me to Tokyo, Vancouver, Chicago, London, Amsterdam, Paris, Las Vegas, Costa Rica, New York City (for the 3rd time) and soon… Curacao.

I will admit that I’m looking forward to renewing my passport in 2013. My current passport photo makes me look more like a 40ish divorcee from Maine who’s seen too many long nights comforted by Chardonnay and Lionel Richie albums. You know what I mean.

#3 – My Rosebud Salve Lip Balm

I put this shit on everything. Lips (duh), dry elbows, my cuticles and my eyebrows (when they’re in need of a good taming). I will say that although this salve is super long-lasting, it has a strong scent that I find a teensy bit perfume-y. It lasts forever though and I like the scent/taste a bit more than Carmex products which I still use (on my desk at work I currently have Carmex lip balm in all 3 iterations: solid chapstick tube, lip balm pot and a squeezy tube).  They compete for space with my Bliss hand cream and Milhouse Van Houten figurine.

Rosebud Salve

Rosebud Salve - Back

Carmex Lip Care Line

#4 – My New Laptop

About a month ago my 5-year-old desktop computer (Lucille, I called her) gave a delicate cough, whispered “I just can’t anymore” and passed away peacefully.


Lucille was old. She worked hard for me. I downloaded a lot of truly awful TV onto the old girl. And I got her for free, which was a nice perk. Though she wasn’t cheap. Fancy ladies come at a price. Her hard drive crashed in May 2011 and fixing it cost…a lot. But I figured since she was free (my parents got her after complaining to their Internet provider about slow service, and since they’d just bought a new computer she came to live with me), I didn’t mind investing a little in her upkeep. This time around, my trusty computer repairman simply covered her with a sheet and told me it was time to move on. And move on I did.

With the help of my co-worker H (aficionado in all things techy and geek) I purchased this Toshiba laptop. And we’ve fallen madly in love. Luckily, my computer guy was able to retrieve all of my photos and downloads and music from Lucille so within a few days I was back up and running as before. But with a looooooooot more desk space.

The best part? She was on sale. I’m still deciding on a name but leaning towards Chelsea or Vivienne.

#5 – My Leather Jacket

I am not kidding when I say that every time I wear my leathers, another chick will stop me and ask me where I got it. A few years ago I was in search of the perfect leather jacket. I almost bought one in Paris, but MM stopped me. It was like 300 euros and not even that great.Dejected, I brought my search home to Toronto but gave up after a few months. One afternoon, I was walking through the Toronto underground PATH system in the financial district and passed a Danier. They had a rack of leathers out in front with a huge SALE sign. Marked down to $199. I decided to take a peek and the saleswoman asked if I wanted to try one on. I was pretty broke at the time, still paying off my somewhat spontaneous trip to London/Amsterdam/Paris but I asked for a medium and thought I’d at least try it on. Then the saleswoman said: “No. You’re a small.” After I stopped laughing I explained that my boobs haven’t fit into a size small since 6th grade. She insisted. I tried the small. I had a fashion orgasm. I bought it.

I have never loved a piece of clothing more. It’s perf for Spring and Fall and looks equally as good over a pair of jeans, some converse and a t-shirt as it does over a dress. We’re going to have many happy years together.

My leathers from Danier - bomber with flower lining


What are your day-to-day essentials?

People Who Work At Starbucks Don’t Find Me Amusing, Apparently

Me: Hiya. One of those mint mocha thingys please. Grande.
Order Taker: (shouting) MINT MOCHA THINGY. Do you want whip cream on that?
Me: Sign me up.
OT: (shouting) WITH WHIP CREAM.
Me: Hold the phone. Can I get it with skim milk please?
OT: Sure. (shouting) MAKE THAT A SKIM! So no whip cream then?
Me: No, I still want the whip cream.
OT: (judgy stare) Really? So you want skim milk but still whip cream?
Me: Gotta cut back somewhere, right? Ha.
OT: Ha indeed.
Me: Yeah well. It’s kind of like when people order a big fat meal at McDonalds but then get a Diet Coke with it.
OT: Hmm. I’ve never heard that analogy.
Me: (staring)
OT: (staring)
Me: Don’t get out much, do you?
OT: No. Not really. And I’m keeping your change as a tip.
Me: Sounds about right.