Recap: The Bachelor – ‘Women Tell All’

Howdy rose lovers,

As per tradition, between the week that our Bachelor Ben Higgins narrows the herd down from three women to two after overnight “fantasy suite” dates/scheduled intercourse and the week where, likely, a proposal happens, it’s the Women Tell All! This is when former contestants get together on one stage, many attempting to reclaim their 15 minutes of fame while everyone typically gangs up on one or two recently departed contestants.

Here are some highlights from the episode:

  • Host Chris Harrison reminds us that this season featured the most women to ever tell a Bachelor they love him, and the first time a Bachelor has told the final two women (JoJo and Lauren) that he loves them
  • Chris and Ben do some surprise drop-ins on Bachelor viewing parties – one house has their babies in Mrs. Higgins onesies and scoreboards with the women’s photos
  • In another house, Ben is greeted by 40 bouncy ladies who should be panicking that their Ben shrines will come off more “creepy” than “superfan” – their journals will hear A LOT about this night
  • Ben admits that one year ago he was on Tinder! Cue 80,000 more women joining Tinder!
  • Olivia has cut her hair but still won’t close her mouth
  • Did they slip a few bonus Lauren’s in there to eff with us? #somanylaurens
  • A chicken named Sheila steals the show (reminding us that early-offed contestant Tiara was a “chicken enthusiast”)
  • Amongst the season’s “villain’s” (Olivia, Lace, Leah and Jubilee), I thought Olivia would get the most hate but there’s a lot of cut eye and negative comments aimed towards Leah right off the bat
  • Amber’s face looks different – really different (nose?)
  • Allegedly, Jubilee made comments during taping around going the farthest on the show as a ‘true’ black woman (thus angering biracial angels Amber and Jami) but she claims those allegations are false(ish)
  •  I still love Jubilee (who remains in the military and just made Sergeant) and she speaks very well in her one-on-one with Chris Harrison, admitting she spent too much time “over-thinking” things during her time on the show
  • Lace is in good spirits watching the recap of her time on the show, which was definitely cringe-worthy and borderline crazypants
  • Lace claims that after watching herself back on the show she has made some major life changes (including cutting down on using the word “crazy”)
  • Speaking of crazy, a random (and obviously planted) dude in the crowd shouts out during Lace’s couch time with Chris Harrison to say that she may be crazy but she’s crazy beautiful and shows off his tattoo of Lace’s face on his ribs (the eff?) and then goes on stage to get a photo with her during which Chris is all “we need better security” and “don’t actually touch her” but no, seriously, you need better security
LaceFace

A Lace face tattoo on some nutjob’s ribcage

  • Chris convinces Lace to go on Bachelor in Paradise (probably because there’s security there to protect her from tattoo guy)
  • Chris really earns his paycheque tonight acting as host, therapist and bodyguard
  • Olivia feels that it’s unfair that the women all shit-talked her during taping instead of coming right to her to hash out issues like they did more with Jubilee
  • Sweetie pie twins Emily and Haley call Olivia a bully for saying Ben should “run” from single mom Amanda and insinuating that the other women were sluts based on wardrobe choices
  • Olivia counters that she was severely bullied as a child and claims she is actually very much an introvert despite her public persona and job as a TV anchor (though she did say she finds the mouth jokes directed at her “funny”)
  • “There’s no way to know how to do this right. I did it wrong,” Olivia says – and surprisingly, Chris does not ask her to join Bachelor in Paradise
  • Second runner up and overall adorable gal (and Ben-anointed “sex panther”) Caila takes the hot seat after Olivia and says she still has strong feelings for Ben and that him not loving her back pretty much gutted her
  • Caila says that watching the show back it was helpful for her to see how Ben looked at JoJo and Lauren because she wants to meet someone who looks at her that way
  • “The most popular Bachelor in history” (definitely the most handsome) takes the stage and is visibly nervous
  • First thing’s first – Chris reminds Ben of the mess he is in having told two women that he loves them last week
  • Ben addresses Caila and hopes she knows how much their relationship meant to him
  • Amanda and Becca have nothing but the loveliest of lovely things to say about Ben, and he can still tell twins Emily and Haley apart (win!)
  • Ben confirms he is super in love (we find out next week if it’s with JoJo or Lauren) and would get married tomorrow (to Lauren, I’m guessing, leaving JoJo open to be the next Bachelorette!)
Come back next week to read my finale recap!
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