Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on the finale of Andi Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette (original air date: Monday, July 28, 2014).
Guys, it finally arrived. The culmination of weeks of “y’all’s” and a self-imposed drinking game whenever anyone on the show says “journey,” so yeah, I’ve pretty much been tipsy every Monday night for the last two+ months.
First to meet Andi’s mom, dad, sister and brother-in-law is Nick. He arrives with flowers for mom and booze for dad and is visibly nervous. Too nervous? Andi’s dad Hy comments that Nick appeared more nervous to meet the parents than any of Andi’s previous paramours. In Nick’s defense, most people don’t have to experience this on camera! Andi’s mom Patti notes that Nick seems “reserved” and “non-demonstrative”. Would you prefer that Nick hump Andi’s leg a little in front of you mom? WOULD YOU? Nick’s nervousness even worries Andi a tad, but things turn around when Nick gushes that Andi is the most wonderful woman he’s ever met and gives props to her parents for raising her so well. Andi’s sister Rachel inquires as to how Nick managed to score the first impression rose on night one and he mumbles out some sort of bullshit answer. Dude, make eye contact and stop with the mumbling and weird giggling. You’re the (perceived) front-runner – start acting like it!
When Nick engages in a tête-à-tête with Andi’s mom, he’s all “I love her in ways that I never thought I’d love somebody before” and “she lights me up” and ‘”I can’t see myself with anyone else,” and mom tears up. Nick has clearly won Patti over. We cut to Andi chatting with her sister, saying that Nick “sees my entire soul” and “makes me feel like a woman.” At this point I’m thinking Nick HAS to be the last man standing, right? They’re so obviously crazy about each other, and he’s obviously a way better match for her intellectually than Josh.
Now the moment we’ve all been waiting for: Nick is going to ask Andi’s dad Hy for permission to get engaged. God, I love Hy. He’s so gruff but charming, and terrifying but huggable.
Nick tells Hy “I know that your daughter is it for me” and Hy replies that “if it’s the two of you I think y’all will be a great fit.” Boom. Dad endorsement. Shortly thereafter, Andi and Nick say their goodbyes.
The next day it’s time for a sweaty, exuberant Josh (with flowers for mom and cigars for dad) to meet the family. Hy is eager to “compare” the two men. Josh is much more hands-on with Andi, and mom calls him “boisterous”. Because it’s almost all he talks about, Josh brings up the fact that on night one Andi likely had him pegged as the stereotypical “cocky” jock guy. When Andi steps away to chat privately with her sister, Rachel points out that not only is Josh Andi’s usual type but he lives in Atlanta too. Like, you came on this show to meet 25 dudes and basically ended up with a guy you could have found on Tinder while getting a pedicure? Andi swears that she was ‘won over’ and insists she went out of her way to “challenge” Josh and “he always stepped up” to it. She does muse, however, that whether or not Josh is “too good to be true” is something she may very well think “to the very end.” In fact, Andi says this so many times during this segment that I wonder if the producers cut some older footage from earlier in the season where she was commenting that Josh seemed too good to be true. It’s a tad overkill.
Josh is subjected to a tag-team inquisition by Rachel and her husband. He admits that his friends urged him to try out for the show and emphasizes that he wants to marry the crap out of Andi. Rachel seems impressed, and comments that Josh seems genuine. When Josh and Hy sit down to chat, Hy doesn’t pull any punches. He reminds Josh that their relationship has existed essentially in a bubble, like a “camp romance,” and is Josh sure he’s ready for ‘real life’? Josh claims he’s ready, and adds “I would love to make her my wife…and get your blessing.” Hy gives his blessing, but pointedly reminds Josh that Andi’s blessing is the one he should be worried about. Ha, good one Hy. Before Josh leaves, Andi’s dad jokes that Josh is “one of the two best people” he’s met out there, but in his private on-camera interview Hy does say he can totally see Josh as his future son-in-law. Hy’s not worried at all about the length of time they’ve known each other (and at this point I recall from when Andi was on Juan Pablo’s season that Andi’s parents only knew each other for four months before getting engaged).
The next day it’s time for the first of Andi’s final dates, and it’s Josh, not Nick, who will be joining her for this make-or-break island excursion. Andi confesses she’s looking for “clarity” on this date, and as a nod to their first one-on-one date they venture out on a sailboat. Over wine and between makeout sessions, Josh tells Andi he had a great time with her family and they talk about him asking Hy for his blessing to get engaged. Andi loves that she always just has fun with Josh, but again wonders “is this all too good to be true?” Either way, they jump into the ocean and make out some more.
During the evening portion of their date, the very affectionate couple toast to the future but then Andi confesses to wishing she “didn’t doubt so much.” Josh almost charms her out of her clothes (too bad she can’t charm him out of hose salmon-coloured pants), and then effectively changes the subject by presenting her with gifts (genius!). He gives her a custom baseball card featuring her potential married name (Andi Murray) and some cute stats on the back like “Games Played: Doesn’t Play Games” and “Errors: Can’t Dance and Swears Too Much”. Cute city! Oh my god, am I starting to like Josh??? Ok I confess, some of my defrosting towards Josh has to do with his amazing handwriting and an ass that just won’t quit, even in weird pants. Admittedly, they do look like a couple and those would be some ridiculously cute babies. My viewing mate R commented here that “they look like they’re about to do it” and I realize I would probs watch that sex tape. “He’s so confident in us but I’m the one who questions it all,” Andi admits at the end of their date.
The next day Andi (in a kicky braid) heads out to meet Nick for their ‘last’ date. She says she just wants to go to bed that night “knowing who is the one…for the rest of my life.” After off-roading for a bit they relax near a private lagoon. Nick tells Andi how much he loves her family, and she shares a cute story about how her brother-in-law asked Hy’s permission to marry her sister just moments before proposing. Nick reassures Andi that she would be his “priority” in whatever their future holds. They jump into the lagoon to cool off, but Nick’s voiceover confession certainly sends a chill down my spine: “If I don’t know it’s me, we’re not getting engaged.” Whoa. Since the other men outed him earlier in the season for “strategizing” and studying earlier seasons, it’s particularly shocking to hear Nick make this sort of confession when he must know that Andi is actually FORBIDDEN (likely with the threat of a major fine) to give any indication at this point as to who is ‘the one’ she will choose, especially to the men themselves.
Oh right, Nick was engaged before so that’s why he doesn’t want even “one ounce of doubt” before proposing. Dude, you went on the wrong show if assurances are what you were looking for. He lays it on pretty thick with Andi during a toast. She’d have to be headless not to figure out that he was gunning for some concrete proof of love here. “To an incredible nine weeks…to you, to being here with you right now, to our last date…but hopefully not our last date.” Yeah dude, subtle.
Later that evening, Andi quasi-teases Nick that he’s “working that brain, aren’t you?” Nick can barely make eye contact and he talks WAY TOO MUCH about how upset he was when his engagement fell apart. He mentions waking up the morning he was to propose and feeling like something wasn’t right. Either to shut him up or to reassure him that he is, in fact, her final choice, Andi gives him a somewhat reassuring pat and says “it’s gonna be alright.” Nick takes this as a sign that he will be the last man standing, and presents her with a necklace that has a vial of sand from the beach where he first told Andi he loved her. CUTE! Except the necklace is clunky and ugly. Details. She asks what a typical day together in Chicago would be like, and I start to forgive Nick’s neediness this evening when he says he’d text her “I love you a bunch” during the day. “Nick is basically everything I’ve been looking for in a man,” Andi says. Nick’s opinion of the evening? “Tonight went a long way in reassuring me.”
The next morning, Andi wanders out of her ground-floor hotel suite in a pink silk slip and just the hint of a bathrobe for coverage (as women are wont to do while on vacation in the Dominican???) to ponder on her big decision. She pushed Josh away, but he always came back (so basically you want to wife it up for a human boomerang?). With Nick she has intense feelings and an unrivalled intellectual connection as well as passion. “I know who I want to spend the rest of my life with,” she purrs. Nick. It’s gotta be Nick. It’s Nick, right?
Meanwhile, Nick feels reassured that Andi will pick him and so he has decided to propose. “Spending the rest of my life with Andi would be an adventure.” Josh confesses to feeling “very vulnerable” but never even considered not proposing to his dream woman. He certainly isn’t as confident as Nick that he’s Andi’s final pick.
As per usual (well, usual in the Bachelor/Bachelorette world) famed (?) jeweller Neil Lane arrives at Josh’s hotel room with the rings. I don’t really pay attention to what ring he chooses because I’m crossing everything on my body that Nick doesn’t pick an ugly ring. Then there’s a knock at Nick’s door and R practically jumps from the couch and is like “THAT’S NOT NEIL LANE THAT’S ANDI COMING TO BREAK UP WITH HIM.”
Yup. It is Andi at the door, not Neil Lane.
We cut back to the live studio audience who are awaiting the start of the After the Final Rose segment, but I don’t hear what Chris Harrison says because a noise came out of me that I’ve been told sounded not even remotely human. The live audience – initially silent – goes batshit crazy. Harrison draws out the tension, asking Juan Pablo reject Clare what she thinks is going to happen. She talks for about 2 minutes and manages to say NOTHING. Then Harrison goes to Farmer Chris (practically a lock to be the next Bachelor, though we actually still don’t know who that will be and Harrison has confirmed on his blog that no final decision has been made yet) who is pretty sure Andi’s arrival at his doorstep ain’t good news for Nick y’all.
Back in Nick’s hotel room, Andi tells him she “wanted to come and chat” and Nick looks like he’s about 4 seconds away from puking all over her face. “Alright,” he practically spits at her. They sit on the couch and Andi recalls Nick’s story from the night before about having a bad feeling the morning he woke up to propose to his ex. “I was thinking a lot about what you said last night,” she starts. “I thought about how you said the last time you got engaged, you woke up that morning and you didn’t feel that something was right. And I woke up this morning and didn’t feel that something was right.” This admission causes Nick to move back to sit as far away from her as two people can possible be on the same couch.
“The last date I wanted to just have fun and relax and as hard as I tried I couldn’t do that,” she begins, and adds “life with you would be me over-analyzing every single moment.” Well, Andi has a point there. These two may have an amazing intellectual connection, but they do both overanalyze A LOT and that could get exhausting. Josh seems…easier. Not my type, but maybe easier is better for Andi? Nick is completely gutted, and can’t even look at her to say “when you looked at me the way you do sometimes, and the way you talk to me and the way you respond to me, I just took it that you meant it.” He mumbles (seriously I had to re-watch this part to ensure I heard him correctly) that Andi “took it too far” with him. Andi starts to cry and apologize and then they’re walking to the door and awkwardly hugging goodbye. OF COURSE it’s now pouring rain out. Perfect. Back in his room, Nick tosses his collection of rose ceremony flowers in the trash. Flopping into the Sad Sack SUV with his luggage, Nick is initially speechless. After an extended period of stunned silence, he whispers “I feel like such a fool.” And later: “She asked me to trust her…I thought we just got each other. I was so confident about us. What is she doing?” Nick sounds absolutely tortured. “I really thought she was it.”
Back in studio, host Chris Harrison reveals that since that day, Nick has “repeatedly tried” to sit down with Andi to talk but she has refused to meet with him. Well, that’s about to change because Andi and Nick will, in fact, face off later in the After the Final Rose special.
Back in the Dominican, Andi is looking radiant in a beautiful cream-coloured Grecian-style dress. Josh is getting ready and tears up when he says “I am so excited to be here with Andi.” Well buddy, that’s good to hear because you are about to be engaged. Hard.
After a brief car ride, Josh (sweating through his ass) is greeted by Chris Harrison and led to Andi. He starts his ‘god I hope you picked me’ speech by saying “When I decided to give up baseball, my first love,” I groan SO HARD I actually miss the next part but then he says “and then I found you Andi Dorfman and my life changed forever…I knew that I wasn’t alone anymore, that it wasn’t just me, that it was us, together.”
“It’s definitely been a journey,” Andi begins. Oh for those who are playing along at home with the whole chug some booze every time someone says ‘journey’ on The Bachelor/Bachelorette you were probably pretty tanked by this point, right?
“Josh, I loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you!” Andi gushes. “REALLY?!” I screamed at the TV.
“The truth is that from the first time I met you I was scared, and when you said the next person you said ‘I love you’ to that she would be your wife…I took that seriously,” she tells him. “You’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.” Andi accepts Josh’s proposal, and he in turn accepts the final rose with an exuberant “yes ma’am.” I admit: these two have won me over. Plus, again, their babies will be ridiculously adorable. They say “I love you” like 57 times and Andi adds “forever.”
Back in the studio it’s time for After the Final Rose. Chris Harrison emphasizes that “Nick was devastated, the likes of which we hadn’t really seen on this show before.” We are shown a clip of Nick wandering the streets of Chicago looking completely miserable. “I definitely didn’t see it coming,” his voiceover laments. “I’m not over her. I felt like she gave me purpose.” Seemingly as equally broken-hearted is Nick’s mom who says that this has torn their family apart. #sadbachelor #sadmom
So it turns out that Nick was at the taping for the Men Tell All that aired last week. He knocks on Chris Harrison’s dressing room door and pleads his case. He moans that he’s still in love with Andi, and Chris agrees to see if Andi will meet with him to talk. He returns with the news that it’s “not the right time,” so instead Nick gives Chris a letter to deliver on his behalf. Chris delivers the letter to Andi who stares at it forever and a day. We don’t see at this point if she actually reads it.
Back in the live studio, Nick joins Chris on stage. “Obviously, you were blindsides,” starts Captain Obvious. Nick says that the hardest part of being dumped by Andi has been that he believed so much in their “connection”. Chris reveals that Nick actually reached out to Andi twice since leaving the show (including once when she was vacationing in Mexico – stalker-ish!), but she has turned him down both times. Nick claims that wanting to talk to Andi has nothing to do with wanting to change her mind, but rather to get some closure. OH MY GOD PEOPLE STOP TALKING ABOUT CLOSURE. IT’S NOT A THING!!
Nick does add that “Josh is a great guy and he has a huge heart…but I will always wonder about what could have been.” That’s quite a change in tone from when he was initially dumped and couldn’t wrap his brain around Andi picking Josh. They cut to commercial and then we see the standard ‘Andi as Bachelorette holding the rose’ screen slide……….but nothing. Just that. After a delay lasting almost three minutes (!) we’re back in studio. So weird. R and I assume that they probably tape the ‘live’ special with a slight delay, and we joke that maybe Nick hyperventilated and needed medical attention before Andi came out on stage; hence, the delay in returning after the commercial break.
Andi comes out to join Nick and they’re both nervous smiles and hand wringing. “I wanted the opportunity to express to you…what I felt about the relationship,” he begins. Andi reveals that she read his letter, but doesn’t elaborate. Nick thanks her for reading the letter and my whole body cringes. “I was so heartbroken…you made me feel like I could find that kind of love again,” he says. Andi counters with “that’s why it was so hard breaking up with you.” Nick adds that watching the show back hasn’t given him any clarity as to why Andi didn’t want to be with him in the end.
“Knowing how in love with you I was…if you weren’t in love with me I’m just not sure why you made love with me”.
Gasp from audience.
An “OH HELL NO” from me.
Oh yes. He did. No one to make the final three (and therefore to have access to the ‘Fantasy Suite’ and all that it may or may not entail) has ever come right out and said ‘we totally banged, but he/she didn’t pick me.’ And there have been an asston of insane rejectees on this show, yet they’ve all managed to either keep their mouth shut or there’s significantly less banging then we presume going on in those Fantasy Suites. That would hurt my heart y’all. It really would.
Andi, to her credit, barely falters and maintains her cool. For the record, I’d be winding up for the world’s hardest taint punch. R comments that she would have 100% “gone completely Solange Knowles” on his ass.
“That was below the belt,” she tells Nick, who argues that they engaged in “fiancé type of stuff.” Now Andi is getting angry. “I knew how you felt which is why that morning I came to you and said those things.” She agrees that the two had a great relationship while it lasted and did indeed share an amazing connection. She also says she didn’t want to put him through another (failed) engagement.
As an aside: interestingly, Nick’s bombshell occurred almost exactly three minutes after the return from commercial break, meaning that if the producers had been using a standard two-to-three minute ‘delay’ in the live feed, this would exactly account for the frozen title screen and almost three minute delay in returning to the live show after that last commercial break. Me thinks after Nick’s little stunt that The Bachelorette producers stopped to see if Andi was comfortable in that footage airing, and she apparently agreed. This is, of course, just me guessing. I haven’t been able to confirm anything. My web search, however, led me to some interesting tweets and blog posts about Nick’s sex secret reveal. Here’s one I found particularly interesting (source):
“What’s different is that in the traditional version of this narrative, this comes from the woman. Maybe Nick was trying to embarrass or shame her, maybe he was trying to make her uncomfortable. But if this had been the other way around — a woman complaining that a guy shouldn’t have had sex with her if he didn’t love her — there’d be no assumption that the revelation of sex itself was supposed to reflect poorly on him. It would be about false pretenses only.”
Also, this graphic cracked me up.
After the intense Nick/Andi segment, we are shown a preview of the craziness that will be ‘Bachelor in Paradise’ which starts next week. Oh god I’ll totally watch it. I love that R and I both said “EEEEEWWWW” when we were shown a clip of Cody making out with someone.
Back in the studio, Josh and Andi are making their first official public appearance as an engaged and evidently VERY IN LOVE couple. “Madly in love!” Josh practically screams. They confess to wearing wigs and other disguises in order to see each other after filming wrapped without blowing their cover. They are very cute and clearly smitten with each other. I wonder if Josh heard Nick’s segment or if he’s aware that Andi and Nick hooked up?
The duo are already planning a Spring wedding and Andi isn’t pregnant yet but Josh says he’s “trying”. Ha.
So that’s it. Another season of The Bachelorette is in the books, y’all. Hit me up in the comments with your thoughts on the finale.