The Bachelorette (Andi) – Week Seven

Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on week seven of Andi Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette (original air date: Monday, June 30, 2014).

Welcome back and happy Canada Day! I’ve just returned from an extra-long weekend at the cottage, and I may still smell of bug spray, sunscreen and Palm Bays but I couldn’t wait to catch up on this week’s episode of The Bachelorette.

Andi and her dwindling man harem are in Brussels, Belgium this week. It’s Andi’s last week of “dating” before hometown dates, and the pressure is on!

“Dude, we’re in Brussels. This is sweet,” says someone probably horrible but I can’t remember who. Chris Harrison arrives at the bro-tel to talk to the dudes in their suite, and apparently he didn’t get the scarf memo: Chris, Marcus and Nick are all sporting complicatedly-knotted scarves. Chris Harrison announces that there will be two one-on-one dates and a group date this week, but throws the dudes a curveball: there will be no roses on the one-on-one date but there will be one on the group date.

The first date  goes to Marcus. Total yawn face Chris is bummed and god is Dylan STILL on this show? Andi and Marcus set out, wandering the streets of Brussels and eating chocolate and taking selfies. They sit down over mussels (JEALOUS). Marcus starts talking about “looking back in his journal” and Andi interjects with “have you been journaling?” and I want to shout that IT’S NOT A VERB, but whatever. Marcus looks cute. She brings up the fact that Marcus mentioned last week that he thought about leaving the show, but apparently he only almost-bailed because he had too many feelings. Or something. He tosses in an “I’m in love with you” and Andi is “glad” he stayed, and gushes that Marcus is soooooo romantic.

Later that evening, Andi and Marcus reunite for more eating. She asks him who she would meet if they go to Marcus’ hometown. Marcus admits that his dad doesn’t really play a role in his family. He actually uses the term “abandonment issues” and between this and the journaling I’m smelling some major therapy debt. Andi and Marcus get really deep into family talk, and he reveals that his mother was quite brutal with him but that things are ok between them now. When Andi asks if there was an “a-ha moment” (we can forever thank Oprah for that one) I realize they might be perfect for each other. I’ve been taken aback by how forward Marcus has been with telling Andi he’s fallen for her, but it really does seem quite “natural” between these two and even seems like they’ve been dating for a long time. “There is no rose on today’s date, but I am excited and ready to meet his family.” Marcus feels like Andi is definitely the one for him, and has never felt this way about anyone else. Wow, these two are full-on.

Back at the hotel, the next date card arrives and it’s (shockingly) for Josh. I suspect this is more of a fact-finding mission for Andi than an indication of Josh as a front-runner. Nick just doesn’t stop talking and about half of it sounds condescending, and he’s either an actual sociopath or the producers are really trying to create the illusion of drama in a season that has been relatively drama-free. Nick was one of my early favourites but the last few episodes I’ve started to think that what I initially interpreted as  shyness when it comes to him is perhaps arrogance mixed with a hint of snottiness. It irks Nick to no end that Marcus returns from his date in an obvious good mood. So he decides to douche it up a notch, calling the conversation about Marcus and Andi’s date “awkward”. He leaves the man suite and cons the front desk clerk into giving him the key to Andi’s room, calling her his “wife” and saying he lost his room key. And forgot his room number. This works.

Andi comes to the door and is visibly shocked to see Nick. She asks if anything is “wrong” and in his private on-camera interview Nick admits to liking how worried she seemed when he showed up at her door because maybe she thought he was taking off.  So to reiterate, Nick finds it “comforting” that when he surprises Andi in her room she asks if he’s ok, because to him that translates to her being worried he could cut and run at any minute and show up in her hotel room to dump her on national television. Kind of gross, no? Luckily a camera crew is around for this impromptu date, where Andi and Nick chat and make out at a café. And then make out some more under a tree. The word that best describes their relationship, says Andi, is “passion.”

The next day Andi and Josh are in Ghent for their date. While their physical attraction to one another seems intact, something about Andi’s voice and demeanor is making me think she’s not as into Josh anymore. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he wouldn’t shut up about having to take a lie detector test on the last group date. She seems to struggle even to make eye contact with Josh when they talk about her potentially visiting his hometown next week. “I just wish Josh would be more open with his emotions,” Andi complains.

For the evening portion of their “fun” date, Andi brings her “strong feelings” for Josh to the table. He confesses to hating group dates, especially having to watch Andi talk to other guys. After complaining AGAIN about the lie detector test, Josh emphasizes that it’s not a “too good to be true” situation with them. “There’s a part of me that does think (that),” Andi tells him.

Josh tells Andi that she will love his family and then the magic words to Andi’s ears: “I am falling in love with you.” To her credit, Andi pretends to look shocked, but this was EXACTLY what she wanted to hear. Exactly. “Very comforting for me to know how you feel about it,” she purrs. More kissing under perfectly lit archways and the standard end-of-date live band, and Andi declares it a “perfect” date.

The group date card arrives for Nick, Dylan, Brian and Chris (obvi), saying ‘true love is sacred’. “I am excited to never have to do a group date again, ever,” moans Captain Obvious (Nick). Andi says it’s the “most important rose of the season,” and the boys get to work trying to earn it! The group date starts off with Andi’s man harem peddling her around the country side (where Dylan actually shows some personality), and the group end up at the Maredsous Monastery. They monastery has a strict no kissing policy on the grounds, but apparently it doesn’t apply to the pottery studio where Andi steals Chris away to re-enact Ghost. That leads to kissing and that “spark” that Andi first felt with him on their one-on-one date early on this season. The duo return to the rest of the group, and Andi reveals that the recipient of the date rose will continue on a mini one-on-one date that evening while the rejects will be sent back to the hotel to, presumably, try on more scarves.

Dylan tells Andi that if she visits his hometown she’ll meet his grandmother and his mom and that he has a fun day planned. There’s some tension between “fake” Nick and nervous Brian while they sit around waiting for Andi to return from some private time with Dylan. Brian is tired of hearing about Nick’s ‘strategy’ all the time and Nick’s over-confidence seems to be rubbing all the other men the wrong way.

When Andi and Brian sit down, he tells her that he “legitimately thinks he’s falling in love,” and Andi honestly seems more amused than flattered. When Brian says “I think I have a really good shot at this rose, I really do,” I guess immediately that the rose will go to Nick which it ultimately does. “I feel like she just told me she loves me,” Nick boasts. Andi bids adieu to Brian, Chris and Dylan who ride away and swear about Nick winning the group date.

Back at the hotel, it’s a group hate-on for Nick who has apparently ‘studied’ every season (!) and is a “salesman”. Marcus comments that he thinks Nick will be final two and then “walk away.” Whoa. The other dudes really throw shade on Nick. On their extended date, Nick and Andi giggle and kiss and talk parenting styles for the kids they don’t have and are treated to a fireworks show. “She just feels like my other half,” Nick gushes. And Andi clearly feels the same way, saying she sees the “possibility of him standing at the very end.”

When Nick returns to the bro-tel, his greeting is chilly to say the least. A suuuuper long silence, punctuated only by Josh fake coughing, finally ends with Brian saying “I’m not going to beat around the bush…” and then all the men chime in, calling Nick out on trying to mess with their heads. Nick admits to watching “every episode of Desiree’s season” but insists he simply has strong feelings for Andi, and she’s the priority, not “the game.” Chris pipes in that Nick “obsessively” talks more about strategy than Andi and even has brought up “who’s gonna be the next Bachelor?” Nick really doesn’t give a shit what the other dudes think, and I can’t say I blame him, really. He stares into the camera in his private interview and says “I’m pretty confident I’m going to end up with Andi.”

At the pre-rose ceremony COCKtail party, “everybody’s nervous” except for Nick of course, as his rose from the group date has secured his hometown date with Andi. “So much fewer chairs,” Dylan comments upon entering the sitting area. I think this might be the end of the road for Dylan, but who will be leaving with him? I would’ve thought Josh but he really turned things around on their date this week. So Brian maybe? Chris pulled a Patrick Swayze on the group date so that may buy him another week. Even Dylan knows he’s at risk of going home, and lumps Chris and Brian in with him. Marcus tells Andi he can’t wait to show her off, Josh says some crap too but I’m distracted by his ridiculously handsome face, and Chris tells Andi he’s fallen in love with her (too). Whoa Chris, really stepping it up! I had written him off a few episodes back but he’s looking like a strong contender for top three with Nick and Marcus. Dylan tells Andi he can “legit see” proposing to her in three weeks and she stares at the ground, and Brian gets  maybe 8 seconds of Andi time before being interrupted by Nick and addressing him as “Nicholas” before skulking away. Andi seems a little thrown off by Nick’s interruption because – as she points out – he already has a rose. Little does she know that when Nick talks about bringing Andi home to meet his family he cries. CRIES! My brain and my lady bits go into battle over Nick. I think maybe my bits win.

Chris asks to speak to Andi privately once again, and walks her outside to make out with her, thus securing his rose at the ceremony. Rather predictably, Dylan and Brian are sent packing back to the US. Andi cries, Dylan cries (“I deserve to fall in love again”), and Brian tells her she “deserves the best.” And cries. He also says he will be “furious” if she doesn’t get the guy she deserves.

So that’s it for this week. Hometown dates are up next, and based on the sneak peak we saw it looks like shit’s about to get real.

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