Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on week three (part 2) of Andi Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette (original air date: Monday, June 2, 2014).
The “dramatic two-night Bachelorette event” continues with Andi and her man harem in “charming” New England. The Penis Parade arrive in their hotel room all whooping and hollering just in time for the one-on-one date card to arrive for Dylan (ugh – my least favourite).
Andrew, the main source of bro tension in Sunday’s episode, is 50/50 on Dylan getting a rose at the end of his date with Andi. Andrew fancies himself quite the expert on one-on-one dates, which is weird considering he hasn’t had one yet.
Dylan and Andi make their way to a steam train, where Andi hopes their relationship will “pick up a little steam.” Conversation is…lacking. To say the least. Mostly they stare out the window of the train and say things like “scenery”. He’s incredibly monotonous and almost deliberately void of personality. I see zero spark from Andi’s end. Dylan asks Andi about her longest relationship (3 years) and why it ended (she would’ve been “settling”). Dylan’s longest relationship was eight years and ended for the same reason. His ex got engaged the day after his brother’s funeral (cue the sad music). Things go back to “how pretty is this?” and staring out the window. Andi senses that Dylan has a “story” to tell her but is holding back.
It’s evening, and Andi and Dylan are in the train’s dining cart. “I want to see the real Dylan sooner rather than later,” Andi states. Dylan looks panicked and uncomfortable. “Uhhhhhhhh…I would love for you to get to know me,” Dylan starts. He reveals that he’s never really known his dad and then tells Andi about his sister dying of a drug overdose and then later on his brother’s spiral into heavier drugs leading to his death as well. It’s some heavy, sad stuff y’all. But Dylan doesn’t want Andi to keep him around just because he has a sad story. In her private interview, Andi breaks down and feels guilty for bringing him back to his hometown and stirring up all the memories for him. Andi presents Dylan with the date rose and assures him it has nothing to do with “pity”.
The next day, Andi ventures out on her group date at the Mohegan Sun Arena. The activity on deck is basketball which is right in coach Brian’s wheelhouse. Josh can’t stop smiling and Chris finds it weird to be on a date with 10 other dudes. Five “huge” WNBA players join them on the court and Josh seems to know a LOT about the WNBA. The boys are about to get “smoked”. One of the female athletes states: “I really hope they have more game off the court than they do on the court.” HAHAHAHAHA.
Andi decides to kick it up a notch and split the dudes into teams, the winning team getting more time with Andi later that evening. The heat is on, dudes. And Andi gets off on the competitive spirit, stating that it turns her on. She even jokes with the WNBA ladies that she wouldn’t mind if the game goes into OT so she can see more of the dudes tearing it up on the court. Team Rosebud – Cody, Marquel, Brian, Nick, Andrew and Eric – are the victors.
Andi and her “winners” gather and cheers to their night. Andi feels like her relationship with Eric has “stalled.” During Sunday’s episode I felt like Eric spent too much time trying to talk to Andi about their first date, like “wasn’t our one-on-one date THE BEST? Wasn’t it THE BEST DATE EVER?” and not focusing enough on the present. I remember thinking that he seemed a little intense about it, and almost like he was pushing Andi to single him our as her favourite or something. When the two of them sit down to chat, Eric comments that “every one-on-one time we’ve had…it’s so formal.” Andi’s response is a few “umm-hmm’s.” She does not look impressed. Andi confesses to feeling that their “flow” has stalled. “It worries me that we don’t thrive” in The Bachelorette setting, Andi tells Eric. She encourages Eric to tell her more about his life outside of work. Oh shiz. So we all know by now that Eric Hill passed away in April. Hearing him talk about visiting his family around the US before embarking on the show makes my heart hurt. He also shares that he left the Mormon church at the age of 26. Andi feels like they’ve “cleared the air” and reignited the spark. “We’re back on track!”
Back at the hotel, a bunch of dejected sad sacks mope into the suite.
Back on their victory tour, Brian pulls Andi aside for some private time back on the court. Brian’s totally “smitten” and Andi thinks Coach is “sexy in his element.” After teaching her how to do a layup, Brian makes a perfect half-court shot and if you listen closely you can actually hear Andi’s underpants hitting the court. She wants a kiss NOW, but Brian’s horrible at reading signs. He has “zero game when it comes to girls.”
One who has no trouble making a move is Nick, who starts kissing Andi as soon as they steal away for some time together. However, the group date rose ultimately goes to Brian. Clearly the Coach didn’t completely blow it.
The next day Andi picks Marcus up in the bro-tel and it’s “Leap of Faith Day.” Oh god why do they have to do some terrifying repelling/bungee jumping/falling as a metaphor for love date EVERY SEASON. Just let one pass, Bachelor/Bachelorette producers. Just let one pass. And this is coming from someone who pretty much went to Costa Rica to go zip lining in the jungle. Andi is petrified of heights and her nerves aren’t soothed by the windy conditions. “Oh my god. SO STUPID,” moans Andi. They get geared up and when Marcus asks if she has any last words, Andi’s response is a bleeped out “fuck.”
Marcus begins his descent off a 30-storey building and Andi (reluctantly) starts her descent shortly thereafter. Marcus is shouting instructions at her and telling her “not to look down.” THANKS TIPS. Andi’s in full-on panic mode but don’t worry because Marcus is ready to “be the man” in this relationship. It turns out that Marcus and Andi are (of course) repelling down past the window where the other men are lounging in their suite. Marcus attempts to distract Andi by asking her about her mom, who’s apparently “much nicer” than her. He gets a few laughs out of Andi and tells her she looks beautiful. Andi’s comfort level soars (no pun intended). They even kiss a bit.
The other men start banging on the window when they see the duo coming down, and tease Marcus, asking if he’s crying. Marcus and Andi make it safely to the ground and she’s ecstatic at overcoming her fear of heights. Over dinner, Marcus quickly covers up the rose with a napkin, because it’s the “elephant in the room.” Andi thinks his nervousness is adorable, because she’s totally into him. Marcus admits to not having dated in three years after being dumped hard by some chick. Marcus can’t believe that anybody would ever cheat on Andi, and they basically fawn over each other and then Andi presents him with the rose for showing his “protective instinct and strength.”
They leave the restaurant and into a nearby casino (?) where country singer John Pardi is performing. As usual, they are made to dance together on a raised platform in front of the band and the other concert-goers. Marcus tells Andi that he’s falling in love with her and that “it’s the scariest thing in my life right now.” WHOA DUDE. PUMP THE BRAKES. Andi is thrilled. And with that, Marcus passes Nick and Josh as the frontrunner for Andi’s heart.
A special delivery Arrives for Andi in her hotel room. It’s a letter from a secret admirer. Hmm…who could it be? Andi heads into the pre-rose ceremony COCKtail party in great spirits. Marquel (hot damn he looks great) tells the fellas that he’s feeling a bit of anxiety going into the rose ceremony, but I don’t think he needs to be. There are at least three other guys on the chopping block before him in my opinion (Tasos, Patrick and Cody). Likely sensing his shaky status, Tasos is the first to pull Andi away for some alone time. “Stepping it up,” the other dudes comment. Their vibe is totally friend zone and Andi’s face reads as ‘not gonna happen dude.’ Brian interrupts and Tasos gives him a very gentlemanly handshake and walks away, thus sealing his fate in my mind. Brian confesses his regrets at not kissing Andi and then lays one on her. Andi says he’s a “really good kisser.”
“Marquel Fresh” lightens Andi’s mood, and since he works for UFC he decides to show Andi how to defend herself when he’s not around. He guides her through a “rear naked choke” hold (um…ok) and then he’s interrupted by a “sick” feeling Eric who is feeling a bit perturbed after their last chat.
“I had a lot of time to think about our conversation…I’ve been really open with you and I don’t understand where that (doubt) was coming from,” he starts. He adds that he feels like Andi’s not being real with him. “I came on this to meet a person, not a TV actress.” Andi fires back with “you think I’m a TV actress?” When Eric tells Andi that what he sees from her is “poker face” her actual face couldn’t look less impressed. “You’re sitting here looking me in the eye telling me I have a poker face on!” Andi half shouts. Things get worse from there, with Andi starting to cry while defending herself saying “do I work my ass off and stay up late so that everyone knows that I’m here for them? Yeah I do. You have no idea how exhausted I am! You have no clue how it is to look at them in the face and send them home!” Stop Eric. Just stop. And oh god knowing that he’s dead now and that this is likely their last conversation (?) is gut wrenching.
“There is a part of me that doesn’t even want to waste another minute of yours,” Andi says. “You’re continuously calling me fake,” she adds. “You’re so upset at me…I’m sorry,” Eric stammers. “I think at this point you and I both know this isn’t going to work…I can’t fight for someone who doesn’t believe in me,” Andi declares. At this point I actively tune out because it’s so hard to watch and so uncomfortable and it’s so obvious that Eric will be leaving and knowing that these are the circumstances under which he left the show before passing away just make me wish that the producers had cut some of this out, despite the legitimacy of Eric’s concerns.
Andi marches back into the living room to address the other dudes.“If any one of y’all thinks that this is a joke to me..that I have a poker face…you can walk your ass on out.”
One who is walking his ass on out is Eric, who leaves in a taxi. “Love is the reason [to live],” states Eric. Ouch.
Rather than show the rose ceremony (in which Tasos was sent home), The Bachelorette producers decide instead to have Chris Harrison address Eric’s death from a paragliding accident back home in Utah shortly after leaving the show. Andi joins Chris in the studio, and Chris reminisces that Eric caught her eye early on in the season, even getting the first one-on-one date.
“There was just more openness with other people,” Andi admits. “Would you have handled it differently?” Chris probes. “It’s not ideally the last conversation I would want to have with somebody,” she responds. Chris Harrison reveals that Eric’s accident happened during the filming of hometown dates. “When I talked to you that night…how did it effect you and how did it change everything?” Chris asks. Andi responds that it put everything into perspective in the midst of these larger-than-life dates and the surreal-ness of filming a reality dating show. “He will be greatly missed” Chris ends.
So that’s it for this week. How do you feel about the way in which Eric’s dramatic departure was addressed on the show? Who sent Andi the note signed as her ‘Secret Admirer”? My guess is Nick. Hit me up in the comments.
Until next week!