Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on week eight (part 2) of Juan Pablo’s season of The Bachelor (original air date: Tuesday, February 25, 2014).
It’s a double dose of El Bachelor drama this week! If you missed my post on Monday’s episode, you can check it out here.
Right off the bat we’re warned that Juan Pablo may get more than he bargained for. IS IT CHLAMYDIA? Because I imagine he bargained for that. Anyhoodle, Juan and his three remaining women are in beautiful Saint Lucia. JP is wandering the streets, pondering his upcoming overnight dates, and looking forward hanging out with the woman in complete privacy.
The first lady Juan Pablo will be spending time with is Clare, who’s falling in love. She’s all baby talk and gushiness and pouty lips. Frankly it’s all a little exhausting to watch. They venture out on a boat and Clare is debating whether she would accept an overnight stay in the Fantasy Suite, as opposed to staying in her own room that night. After their disastrous late-night ocean hook-up, Clare’s definitely being more cautious and doesn’t want to do anything that would, frankly, make her look like a massive skankbasket. The skies are gray but the duo still head out for a swim. Clare wants to tell JP that she’s falling in love but it’s “scary”. When they head to dinner that night, Clare is wearing a white dress (hello subliminal message!) and really wants Juan to notice. “We’re going to get to know each other better. A lot better,” says JP. Clare asks if “it would be weird” if she met Carla who is Juan Pablo’s ex and the mother of his daughter. “I feel like Camila already has a mom…you know how people get weird about stuff like that?” she asks. “I would want to talk to her and let her know how I feel, you know?” Apparently JP likes that she’s been doing “some good thinking.” Bringing it up in the context of meeting his ex seemed a bit odd to me but JP seems cool. Clare reads the Fantasy Card suite invite aloud and he asks what she wants to do. Way to keep your hands clean, buddy. After the quasi-slut shaming you put Clare through a few weeks back, you certainly don’t want to appear to care either way. After a dramatically deep breath and a long pause, Clare brings up the “discussion” they had in Vietnam. She mentions that her concern was what his daughter would think. Juan reassures her that this week is all about the overnights, really. That’s part of the whole process and..expected? I guess. Basically what he’s saying is there’s a time and a place and this is it. Again. Because of Vietnam. But clean slate. Or whatever. Clare agrees and they leave dinner (and sliders…WHO LEAVES SLIDERS UNEATEN?).
Clare and JP enter the Fantasy Suite and sip on champagne and Clare tells Juan “I’m just, like, loving falling in love with you.” More pouty lips. God that would get annoying quickly I would think. El Bachelor seems to like it. “I know you don’t have to say anything back right now, but everything has been from my heart,” Clare adds. Then she used the phrase “you melted me” and I had to pause to brush my teeth, from the gagging. Tea burns on the way up, by the way. In true Bachelor fashion, they jump into the hot tub to continue making out. According to Juan Pablo, the rest of the night didn’t go farther than talking (and talking and talking) and cuddling.
After his romantic overnight with Clare, JP meets up with Andi, looking radiant in a red sundress. I kind of hope they give the Bachelor a day off in between overnight dates. To replenish. And nap! And try on linen shirts. These are the things I imagine he does. Andi and JP get a quick lesson in playing the steel drum and he pulls her in for a sweet hug. They sit down for a snack with the cutest little local boys, and JP buys them all a round of fruit punch. Turns out these kids are soccer fans, so the group play a quick pickup game. Afterwards, a sweaty El Bachelor and Andi hop in a land buggy and end up having a picnic lunch by a beautiful waterfall in the jungle where Andi wants to know what he talked about with her family during hometown week. Over champagne and fruit, JP tells her that he loved what Andi’s dad had to say about wanting to reserve his approval on a possible marriage proposal until when (and if) that time comes. They end the afternoon with a cool off under the falls. BUT WILL THEIR CONNECTION COOL ALSO?We’ve been teased with a ‘dramatic’ incident between Andi and JP that is set to happen in this episode.
Over dinner, the very attractive duo get cozy on a couch but JP has something very specific on his mind: a comment Assistant District Attorney Andi made in her hometown about wanting badly to fall in love. He feels that it sounded too ‘forced.’ “Wanting it badly, to me, is different than ‘forcing it,” Andi explains. “There’s nothing wrong with thinking,” Juan assures her. “My concern has been answered.” Andi likes that El Bachelor was really listening to her in Atlanta, and he assures her that he is always paying close attention, because that’s part of him being able to make his final decision. When she asks if Juan thinks she would be a good step-mom for Camila he answers very honestly: “I don’t know. That’s why I have an overnight tonight with you. So we can talk about a lot of things.” Andi seems unfazed by his answer and honestly he makes a good point. This is his child. It’s kind of a big deal to take on that role. Andi reads the Fantasy Suite card aloud and the duo mutually decide to spend the night together.
The next morning, Juan is happy and feeling great. He says after the night they spent together, Andi “could be the one.” “Waking up this morning, I’m so happy about Andi… we freakin’ talked and laughed for hours.” He also likes her pinch-able cheeks. Andi has a completely different take on the evening. She confesses she “could not wait to get out of the Fantasy Suite” that morning. Shitballs. “The Fantasy Suite turned into a nightmare…I saw a side to him that I didn’t really like and the whole night was just a disaster. I hope he did not think that went well.”
Insert screeching tire noise.
Andi feels that JP doesn’t really care about who she is or what she wants in life, and claims he always steers the conversation back to him. She’s also annoyed that he mentioned having an overnight date with Clare while they were enjoying their Fantasy Suite time. “I don’t need him to tell me about an overnight date with someone else when I didn’t even ask.,” Andi fumes. Later: “He thinks that he can say whatever he wants to say and that everyone’s going to laugh and still fall in love with him and that it’s all fun and games, but it gets to a point where it’s just offensive.”
“It’s just not in me to sit here and be fake about it when I know after last night..after talking to him and getting to know him and seeing what life would be like with him….I know that I wouldn’t end up marrying him. I know that he’s not the one,” Andi states. I can’t say I’m shocked by what she’s saying. I’ve not been a huge fan of Juan Pablo’s from the start, including on Desiree’s season. He always struck me as kind of misogynistic and self-involved. But I saw moments throughout the season – particularly when he was with Sharleen – that made me think maybe I was judging him too harshly. It seems like Andi’s made up her mind (boo, she was my favourite of the remaining women), but we won’t find out for a bit if that means she’s saying adios, because it’s time for Juan’s overnight date with Nikki.
Juan Pablo is horse whispering and waiting for Nikki, who I still have some doubts about. She’s cute and fun and everything, but there’s something off. And not just her outfit, which consists of patterned harem pants and a fringe bikini top. They make their way on horseback to a nearby beach. “I know that I’m ready. I know that this is what I want. This whole thing. You,” Nikki tells Juan. Later they make out attractively in the ocean. Another dinner. Another pointless conversation. Another Fantasy Suite acceptance. Blah blah blah. Reasons why Juan Pablo feels Nikki could be a good wife for him? She’s pretty, sexy, honest, and she cares about people. In a super grating baby voice, Nikki tells JP that she loves him. After more kissing it’s lights out in the Fantasy Suite.
The next morning brings another rose ceremony day. Host Chris Harrison meets with Juan Pablo so that he can view the three pre-taped messages from his remaining women (in case you’ve forgotten who they are, there are photos of them set up on a ledge behind JP).
Nikki’s video is first. She rehashes their dates and uses the word ‘awesome’ with gusto. Clare continues to over-enunciate every syllable. Then it’s time for Andi. “Starting this journey I had absolutely no idea what to expect..I remember you telling me just to trust you and waking up after the Fantasy Suite…there were a ton of thoughts that went through my mind and I realized that I wanted to share those thoughts with you…in person.” Andi’s voic eover re-confirms she knows for sure that JP isn’t the man for her.
After a commercial break, Andi says “there is no doubt in my mind” that they don’t have a future. “All he wants to do was say ‘it’s ok’ and give me a kiss,” Andi describes of their conversations together in the Fantasy Suite, when she tried to talk to him about more serious things.
Andi arrives to talk to Juan Pablo and the conversation quickly gets heated. “Going to the Fantasy Suite and waking up the next morning…I realized that I wasn’t in love with you and that I wasn’t going to be and despite all the great feelings and great adventures it wasn’t going to work.”
“That’s fine, that’s ok,” Juan tells her. “If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be.”
Perhaps it is JP’s nonchalance and seemingly flip response that sets her off (though perhaps that’s the language barrier, which even host Chris Harrison addressed when asking El Bachelor to clarify if he ‘likes’ the remaining women as friends or if he’s actually falling for them in a significant way). Andi gets super choked up and says that although admittedly she didn’t leave a child behind to come on the show like Juan did, she left her family and missed important events and even a wedding. “When you say ‘it’s ok’ that bothers me.” “I cannot force you to feel something for me. If you don’t feel it, there’s nothing I can do,” Juan responds.
You know what? He’s right. She may not love the way he’s saying it or his calm demeanor, but that’s the truth. “English is my second language…” Juan reminds her. “To me it’s ok I respect you. I respect you as a woman…is it sad for me? It’s sad, because I like Andi. If I didn’t like you from week two you wouldn’t be here.”
That really sets Andi off. “That doesn’t seem real to me because you don’t even know who I am.” She complains that whenever she has tried to talk about deeper stuff or her feelings with him, his response has always been ‘it’s ok.’ Andi no likey ‘it’s ok.’
“What do you want me to do, honestly?” Juan Pablo asks, hoping to put an end to this now tiresome conversation. Andi’s answer of “Feel something. Have some emotion about me,” muddles her whole argument. Really, what she seems to really want is for JP to FIGHT for her. And he can’t really fight for one woman when he is choosing between three.
Juan insists he had a great time in the Fantasy Suite, and that’s when Andi reveals that she was offended by him mentioning his previous overnight date with Clare. When she starts to shout “it’s not fine!”, JP quickly counters with his favourite line: “I’m just being honest.”
Andi hones in on his use of the word “default” (as in, ‘you’re still here by default’ or something like that), a word which El Bachelor claims he never used. “There’s a difference between being honest and being an asshole,” Andi states. True true. Juan Pablo suspects some of her sudden ‘tude is stemming from the comment he made about the comment she made oh god my head is spinning jesus you two just end it already I don’t even know what you’re fighting about anymore.
They’re talking circles at this point, and Andi asks if Juan even knows what religion she is. Basically, she’s pissed because he hasn’t seemed to want to really get to know her at all, on a deeper level. “Andi, I’m not going to argue with you. If I didn’t want you to be here…you would not be here.” JP doesn’t think that Andi really tried to have a serious conversation in the Fantasy Suite. He feels like their talk was “perfect” and fun.
Two different wavelengths.
Time to go, Andi.
In the end, I think Juan Pablo comes out the winner in this argument. Only by a teensy tiny bit. But still. He seems genuinely sad to see his “authentic” Andi leave, but his voiceover says he’s “not going to argue with a lawyer.” Ha.
They part ways and Andi’s rant continues in the car. “It’s not a language barrier, it’s that he doesn’t see it,” she insists. “I’m all for honestly, but there’s a huge difference between being sincere and being offensive.”
And then there were two. Obviously there’s no need for a formal rose ceremony now, but Chris guides the final two women – Nikki and Clare – to the platform anyways. Both are shocked to learn of Andi’s departure, especially Nikki who seemed to have formed a friendship with Andi (though her hate-on for Clare clearly remains and the feeling is mutual); in fact, Nikki comments that her and Andi were “kind of, like, the same person.” JP hands out his unnecessary roses to his final two ladies-in-waiting.
So what do you think of Andi’s ‘shocking’ departure? Hit me up in the comments.
Next week is the ‘Women Tell All’ special. Can’t wait!