Weird Shit I Said/Wrote This Week

“It was really bothering me last night that I couldn’t remember Jay-Z’s real name.”

“There are just SO MANY memes about cats….or not enough. I’m conflicted.”

“Ugh 21 grams? What does that even mean? Give me the number in…squirts.” [Response from H: “Let’s just agree that (measurements of) things should never be given in squirts.”]

“Babies like me because I look like a baby.”

“If a guy were to get to know me via my Amazon ‘wish list’ or my Google history he would run so fast in the opposite direction that he would leave those cartoon roadrunner smoke tufts in his wake.”

“I spent all weekend in sweat pants but I’ve upgraded to fancy Lululemon ones, and I look quite sleek. And deceivingly athletic. I’m trying a whole ‘If you build it, they will come’ thing. But really all that ever comes is pizza(s).”


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