I’ve not had cable for about 8 years. Don’t get me wrong: I still watch an ass ton of ‘TV’, I just don’t watch it on TV. I torrent everything. I often joke that if I had cable I’d never leave my house. And I’m not actually joking.
I do get one station – CTV. Luckily it has news so I still have some sense of what’s going on in the world. I got home from the gym the other night and instead of popping on the usual (a Sex and the City DVD, natch) I decided to see what was on actual TV. It was a new show – MasterChef Junior. I’ve seen maybe 2 episodes of MasterChef in my life so I got the basic concept: home cooks competing for chef supremacy or something. MasterChef Junior features children aged 8 to 13 competing in intense cooking and baking challenges. I should note here that the most complicated thing I can cook is an egg. Not even scrambled. I haven’t gotten that far.
Here is the text conversation that I had with MM while watching:
Me: So MasterChef Junior is a thing. 8 to 13 year olds.
MM: They’re probably better than me!
Me: Not probably. Definitely. One made almond-crusted Chilean sea bass with a pomegranate reduction and wilted basic salad with garlic and butternut squash.
MM: Gawd. That kid is snotty.
Me: She’s like 12. From Brooklyn. Hipster glasses. Lesbian mom. Sophia. I love her.
MM: Bet she has no friends.
Me: She has me.
MM: And now you have sea bass.
Me: She’s wearing pink Doc Martins. I need to see what she can do with bacon before I fully commit.
Me: A 10 year old is making sage butter sauce. I have to kill myself.
MM: Seriously these kids need a life.
Me: They’re making homemade pasta. I am making a noose. One kid not only made it but she threw in a rack of lamb. I am turning the TV off.