Why I Don’t Have Cable

I’ve not had cable for about 8 years. Don’t get me wrong: I still watch an ass ton of ‘TV’, I just don’t watch it on TV. I torrent everything. I often joke that if I had cable I’d never leave my house. And I’m not actually joking.

I do get one station – CTV. Luckily it has news so I still have some sense of what’s going on in the world. I got home from the gym the other night and instead of popping on the usual (a Sex and the City DVD, natch) I decided to see what was on actual TV. It was a new show – MasterChef Junior. I’ve seen maybe 2 episodes of MasterChef in my life so I got the basic concept: home cooks competing for chef supremacy or something. MasterChef Junior features children aged 8 to 13 competing in intense cooking and baking challenges. I should note here that the most complicated thing I can cook is an egg. Not even scrambled. I haven’t gotten that far.

Here is the text conversation that I had with MM while watching:

Me: So MasterChef Junior is a thing. 8 to 13 year olds.

MM: They’re probably better than me!

Me: Not probably. Definitely. One made almond-crusted Chilean sea bass with a pomegranate reduction and wilted basic salad with garlic and butternut squash.

MM: Gawd. That kid is snotty.

Me: She’s like 12. From Brooklyn. Hipster glasses. Lesbian mom. Sophia. I love her.

MM: Bet she has no friends.

Me: She has me.

MM: And now you have sea bass.

Me: She’s wearing pink Doc Martins. I need to see what she can do with bacon before I fully commit.

Me: A 10 year old is making sage butter sauce. I have to kill myself.

MM: Seriously these kids need a life.

Me: They’re making homemade pasta. I am making a noose. One kid not only made it but she threw in a rack of lamb. I am turning the TV off.






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