Weird Shit I Said/Wrote This Week

For the record, this is all from one email chain. It was that kind of day.

 

“I know people who just don’t drink and sometimes I’m like “lame” and other times I’m just jealous because they’ve never known what it’s like to vomit in their own bathtub.”

 

“…And then I ran into everyone I’ve ever met while eating greasy Popeyes chicken OUT OF A PLASTIC BAG.”

 

“I just literally ate a piece of bread with about 9 slices on bacon on it. Call an ambulance.”

 

“I recently saw an old photo of me and I can’t believe H&M even made that many stupid graphic t-shirts. I didn’t need to buy ALL of them, 22 year old me. I probably dropped over $600 on stupid t-shirts in my early 20s. I could’ve spent that money on hair extensions and abortions.”

 

“He was wearing a cardigan and had I been wearing underpants that night I would’ve surely flung them at his torso.”

 

“I was friends with EVERYONE on MySpace. I was probs friends with Saddam Hussein on MySpace.”

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