Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on week nine of Sean Lowe’s season of The Bachelor (original air date: Monday, February 25, 2013).
It’s down to the final 3 women and Sean and his dwindling harem are in Thailand this week. This week’s dates includes potential overnight stays in the Fantasy Suite. Though I’m starting to think that when it comes to Sean it’s more of a Let’s Hold Hands and Talk About Our Feelings Suite. I doubt any of the ladies will be queuing for Plan B at the pharmacy any time soon.
First up is Lindsay. Lindsay arrives looking adorable in a minty green skirt and white tank. They head into a local village and visit the market. Apparently no trip to a Thai market is complete without eating a bug on a stick. So they do. And then they eat a grasshopper. Stomachs full of bug protein and high on a sense of adventure, Sean and Lindsay stroll to nearby Yong Ling beach and talk about how much fun they have together and how much her family loved Sean when they met him during hometown week. They make out forever on the beach because Sean says she’s “the best friend I’ve been looking for”. Later Sean and Lindsay go for a sunset swim and the beach is covered with monkeys from the movie Outbreak. Or just regular monkeys. Whatever. I’m not an expert on any monkeys that haven’t spent time in an IKEA. Then they make out forever in the water too.
Time for a bug-free meal! Sean and Lindsay head to dinner, and in his private interview Sean says he can totally see Lindsay being his wife. Sean asks her if she would be open to moving to Dallas if they were to get engaged and Lindsay is a big YES. But she can’t seem to tell Sean that she’s in love with him. Last week she said she was ‘falling in love.’ After some hemming and hawing she’s juuuuuuuuuuuust about to say it when a troupe of Thai dancers comes in to perform for them. Classic.
Sean hands Lindsay the overnight date. Will they use the fantasy suite (despite Sean recently revealing in the media that he’s a born again virgin) or take separate rooms? Lindsay says she wants to spend the night together (natch). They head to the fantasy suite and start drinking some champagne. Now with some liquid courage in her thanks to the champs, Lindsay tells Sean that she loves him. And the romantic music swells…….. Peace out, camera crew. Funny to think that it seemed Lindsay would be sent home at the first rose ceremony given that she showed up in a wedding dress, got shitfaced and kept trying to make out with a guy she’d known for about 6 seconds. And now here she is, in the final three and spending the night in a fantasy suite with Sean where they are probably holding hands and calling each other pretty. Maybe Lindsay is trying on Sean’s v-neck t-shirts. That is not a euphemism.
Sean’s next date is with AshLee. As I’ve mentioned the past two weeks, her ‘I was abandoned by my birth parents and now have major control issues and a stick permanently lodged up my ass’ routine was starting to aggravate me. AshLee is gorgeous and sweet and obviously very caring but it’s all a little..too much. Too heavy. Too serious. She connects EVERYTHING – every date, every moment – that happens with Sean into a metaphor for her abandonment issues. Like he’s her personal saviour or something. That’s a lot to put on a guy, even if Sean does say he enjoys being her protector. Clearly, she’s done just fine on her own up until now. Sean needs someone with a goofy side. Someone a little..lighter. Someone who can let her hair down and eat a bug or two.
Sean and AshLee are heading to a private beach but in order to get there they have to swim through a dark cave. AshLee is a little freaked (and I don’t really blame her – the cave is dark and more than a little creepy), but they eventually make their way out and onto a beautiful, pristine private beach. AshLee gushes that she doesn’t “feel like there are two human beings that belong together more than him and I.”
That night, AshLee remains ‘head over heels’ in love with Sean and is nervous about the overnight date card. Sean tells AshLee that he can picture them spending the rest of their lives together. When he presents her with the Fantasy Suite date card, AshLee is visibly nervous. Sean reassures her that he has only the best intentions and just wants to talk. AshLee is super relieved and agrees to it. They head to the Fantasy Suite, and Sean tells her that from the first time they met he knew AshLee had a “special heart.” In response, AshLee describes her ideal wedding band: a “cushion ring with diamonds all the way around the band.” Size 6 ½. You know that sound a car makes when it comes to a screeching halt? Insert that sound here.
Sean’s final date of the week is with the cutesy Catherine. They meet on the beach and Sean has really missed Catherine, but still has a teensy bit of doubt about their compatibility in terms of life goals. Translation: will Catherine give up her life to join his in Texas? They boat around for awhile, Catherine doing the cringe-worthy ‘I’m The Queen of The World’ bit from the front of the boat, Titanic-styles. Catherine’s also been missing Sean and is “happy” when she’s around him. She worries that Sean hasn’t seen enough of her serious side, but confesses that she’s been more vulnerable with Sean and has tried to show him that she is fun and silly but can also be serious. Getting down to the nitty gritty, Sean comes right out and asks Catherine if she would come to Dallas to be with him and settle down if they were to end up together. He admits that it can be easy to say ‘yes’ to a question like that when the cameras are rolling and they are on some fantasy date. She seems open to it and confesses she was kind of annoyed at her sisters during hometown week because they weren’t being as supportive as she liked and seemed not to think Catherine was ready to settle down. They snorkel (jealous!) and kiss in the rain.
Later, we watch Catherine and Sean pretend to eat dinner, and his voiceover says he can totally see himself married to her. Out loud, Sean asks Catherine where she sees them in 5 years. Catherine says they’d be married with a kid. She’s “pretty traditional” about relationships, apparently. Sean tells Catherine he can see himself marrying her. She brings up the Fantasy Suite and says she thought about it even before coming on the show and was originally a big ‘no’ on the whole thing because she’s “a lady.” But now that she’s gotten this far, may as well right? Actually, the real reason Catherine accepts is so she can spend more time with Sean. He makes it clear that he, of course, only has the best intentions. So Fantasy Suite is a go. 3 for 3 Sean!
Upon arriving in the Fantasy Suite, Catherine proclaims Sean’s a beefy hunk. She never thought someone like Sean would be into her. She was teased about being chubby as a kid so she’s typically avoided being in a bathing suit. Um, if I looked like Catherine I’d be walking around naked in the frozen food aisle at Sobey’s right about now. Sean tells her she’s ‘smoking hot.’ They pop back into their bathing suits and make out in the water under the stars. Catherine feels they’re “meant to be together”.
The next day, Sean appears refreshed and ready to dump someone. He reminisces about feeling blindsided when Emily Maynard sent him home on her season at this exact juncture. Sean meets up with host Chris Harrison and confesses that he had spent that whole week thinking about his future with Emily and was shocked when he ended up being sent home. He’s not looking forward to hurting the girl he has to send home tonight. He’s 100% sure who that will be and is certain it will be more gut-wrenching than sending Des home last week. He watches the video messages from Lindsay (really cute), Catherine (calls him a hunk again), and AshLee (blah blah she built a ‘wall’ and Sean broke it down, she cries, she’s not broken anymore). This is total conjecture and based entirely on me reading into Sean’s facial expressions, but I think AshLee’s the girl who’s going to have a sad gal meltdown in a few minutes. Sean steps outside and spends a few pensive moments staring at his feet.
Cue dramatic drum beat. It’s raining. Sean is trying to focus on the two remaining women that will be left after the next rose ceremony, and is heartbroken to send this one girl home. He’s worried she “won’t be okay.” Yeah, It’s gotta be AshLee right?
Chris Harrison arrives and announces the start of what is essentially the last rose ceremony of the season, because next week one of them might be getting a marriage proposal from Sean.
Sean enters and tells the ladies how beautiful they all look and tells them he is “so blessed” to have spent this week with him in Thailand. He admits it “kills him inside” to know how much he will be hurting one of them.
Sean looks like he’s about to cry and AshLee looks like she’s about to never talk to another man ever again. Ever.
She abruptly leaves the room without saying goodbye to the other ladies and seems like she’s not going to stop to let Sean say goodbye/apologize, but she does. Sean rushes to explain that he thought from the very beginning that AshLee was going to be “the one”, but that there was “a lot of intensity there.” He tells her it was the hardest decision he’s had to make and he didn’t want to hurt her. Ashlee is totally silent this whole time (but oh if her eyes could talk they’d shout THIS IS MY ‘YOU NEED TO DIE NOW’ STARE) and finally whispers something that sounds like “okay” or “whatever” (?) before getting into the SUV of Broken Dreams. This is unprecedented (maybe?). I’ve not watched every season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette (in fact, I’ve only actively watched for the last 2 years or so), but has any other rejected Bachelor/Bachelorette contestant ever not said a departing word before, espscially this late in the season? I’m curious.
In the car, AshLee states: “This wasn’t a silly game to me. This wasn’t about a joyride and laughing and joking and having fun.” Yeah, she sounds like a really fun life partner if that’s the case [sarcasm]. She goes on to say that she really loved Sean and this is the “ultimate reject.” To be honest, AshLee holds it together waaaaaaaaay better than I thought she would. Perhaps this surprising show of composure will help her chances at being the next Bachelorette? Hmm….
Next week it’s the ‘Women Tell All’ special. Meow. And in two weeks the 3-hour finale.