Funny Girls in Tight Jeans

From time to time on this blog I like to post old email conversations between my friend M and I because we’re a hot bag of crazy and generally speaking everyone already knows it anyways so may as well, right?

Here’s one from January 2011.

J: Hey, how was your weekend?

M: The weekend was fun!  Friday I stayed in and watched Revenge of the Nerds. Bummed around all day Saturday, cleaned a little. I made pancakes. I did manage to stay in bed most of the day snoozing on Sunday.  Then I stumbled to the couch and pretended to watch Arrested Development. I totally had that morning this morning.  I spent the night dreaming that I was up cooking and watching movies at my parents’ house and I kept being like “I HAVE to go to bed. I have to work in the morning!’ So I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all.  And I woke up late to boot since I forgot to change my alarm back.  I had the sickest pillow crease running from my right eye brow, bisecting my eye and down to my chin.  It lasted for about two hours. Oh!  And my face looks like breaking out is its job. *sigh*

J: All I did all weekend was eat, drink and watch shows about the Kardashians at MM’s parents’ house. We hung out with her cousins who are all way younger than me and getting married. I ate so much Saturday night that I couldn’t fit into my jeans the next day. Sunday, we couldn’t tear ourselves away from the basement until after 6 p.m. and then we all made that groaning noise old people make when they get out of bed in the morning. MM actually shouted: “MY BONES!”  I was bummed to leave and go back home so I buried my feelings by eating all the leftover dip. So to sum up, we spent all day Saturday eating and drinking, and all day Sunday laying on futons and talking about how much the basement reeked of cheese and farts but we didn’t care. I drank a lot of Palm Bays. I did have somewhat of a life on Friday – a birthday party. We got there around 11:30 and danced until 2:30 a.m. It was like a soundtrack to high school. All R&B and reggae and hip hop. The DJ was a woman but we didn’t know that until R talked to him/her to make a request. I was startled – physically startled – when MM knew almost all the words to a circa 1998 dance hall reggae song. Every song that came on we were like: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

M: Your weekend sounds lovely! Meeeeeee-ow!  I believe that you guys were out until last call Friday night. As soon as R said “two drinks” instead of one I knew it was going to be a night. We’re still hanging out this Friday? Get ready to get hit on by a bunch of 20-somethings.

J: Yes still on for Friday. I’m gonna wear shoulder pads and get my hair braided. Cool?

M: Yes hair braids!  What looks better on white girls? Oh.  Maybe wedged flip-flops. Shoulder pads or ANYthing Baby Phat.  There are going to be so many NY hats you’re not going to know what’s what.

J: I own a New York Yankees hat. In baby pink. I used to wear it in college. A lot of girls with 3 pound hoop earrings and baby strollers asked me where I got it. One offered to buy it from me. Well not buy so much as make a trade but I wasn’t interested in her baby because it was wearing more expensive shoes than me.

M: I have so much shell jewellery it looks like I rolled the little mermaid. Good call on the baby.  Sure, the re-sale numbers look good but there are always so many questions.

J: Sometimes I don’t even know why I like you because you’re so much funnier than me but then I remember what your ass looks like in a pair of smart slacks and it’s game over.


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