Funny Girls in Tight Jeans

From time to time on this blog I like to post email conversations that took place between my pal M and I when she was still a corporate slave and we were both just trying to get through the summer/fall of 2010 without getting knocked up or inflicting permanent liver damage onto ourselves or spraining an ankle acting out scenes from Dirty Dancing. Here is one of those conversations.

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M: You look amazing today. How was dinner with your friend?

J: Thanks! You too. I love those smart slacks on you. You’ve certainly got an ass that won’t quit. Dinner was amazing. I had a peach risotto with spinach and blue cheese. My friend had lamb meatballs. I’ve never had lamb but I tasted the balls and they were ballicious. Any plans for the weekend? I have to lay low tonight on account of having $10. And then I’m off to the suburbs tomorrow to hang with R’s family. All I want to do these days is watch Gilmore Girls and eat a lot of crackers. Is it 5 pm yet? How’s the new boy?

M: I had sheep’s balls once. I felt really mean. But then I got bonkers on Iranian vodka and that passed with a bunch of lesbians and that passed. I wonder what I’ll do this valentine’s day….   Oh my god how good does that risotto sound? I think I want to try to make risotto next week.  We need to have another Beverly Hills 90210 girl’s night soon- I’m dying to know how Brenda’s doing! As for the new boy, I have come down with a good case of the WantYous for that one.

J: They had rabbit on the menu too. I draw the line at bunnies.

I think it’s fitting that we both have Valentine’s Day experiences that involved lesbians. Mine was a lesbian band night in Kensington a few years ago. No one talked to me. Yes another girl’s night soon! And we’ll do baking too!! The only cure for a case of the WantYous is a dose of the morning after fancy brunch followed by a week of makeout-arama pills and a tiny pregnancy scare. I dabble in gynecology. Wow there’s so few weeks (and paychecks) before Christmas. Eek.

M: Oh my god the idea of “dabbling in gynecology” is making me just so, so, aware of my body. In a good way? Could you imagine seeing one of those floppy eared idiots and thinking “Damn, I could really eat that”. I’d be too busy laughing and wiping away tears to feel hunger.  Especially that one on the right. Oh man Christmas!  I’ll spend everything I have on December 15th and then go live off of my parents for the next ten days. Tradition! Luckily I actually already bought my sister’s birthday present so I just have to ship it to her.  My family REALLY likes St. Patrick’s day so everyone’s born in December.

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