“2 Thumbs Up” – says No One (my review of the movie ‘The Lucky One’)

Well, that’s 100 minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

I went to see The Lucky One this weekend. Regret comes with a $9.50 price tag (cheapo movie theatre, holler!).

Official IMDB synopsis: A Marine travels to North Carolina after serving three tours in Iraq and searches for the unknown woman he believes was his good luck charm during the war.

Real life synopsis, according to the University of my Ears and Eyeballs: Sexy robot with no emotions but a real penchant for maniac blinks (Zac Efron) handsomely puts his life on the line in Iraq as a marine.  After getting dirty in a cave, he narrowly avoids death while retrieving something in the dirt that turns out to be the photo of an unattractive blonde country hick in a white peasant blouse (that turns out to be the first of many). So, taking 8 steps forward to retrieve country bumpkin’s photo resulted in him narrowly avoiding being blown up – you still with me?

Back home in Colorado, sexy robot Logon almost kills his nephew (damn PTSD) and then decides to WALK TO LOUISIANA to find the woman from the photo who saved his life. She turns out to be a single mom (Taylor Schilling) named Beth in the midst of a divorce, with a hot mess of a mother (Blythe Danner) and a caveman like ex-husband who spends the entire movie being a tool and threatening to take their precocious son away from her.

She owns a kennel. He’s good with dogs. She’s emotionally damaged. He wears the hell out of a pair of jeans. She  looks 38 and claims to be 26. He wears the hell out of a pair of jeans…oh…wait…I said that already. Insert boring montage including long walks in the woods, outdoor showers, mosquito netting and tipping canoes and sprinkle in some pretty unsexy love scenes, and I think that about sums it up.

Oh and SPOILER ALERT – she does eventually find out that he stalked her down and that’s a thing for like 30 seconds but really who can stay mad at Zac Efron. AMIRIGHT? And that photo he found had belonged to her brother who was killed in that cave and had a really unfortunate tattoo.

It’s just..really, really bad. Painfully bad. Just…don’t. The best acting in the entire movie is courtesy of an 8-year old with hair like a mop.

I think it’s time for Zac Efron to get back into comedies. 17 Again is, no joke, one of my favourite movies. YES I’M BEING SERIOUS. He’s actually a terrific actor but The Lucky One is just awful, start to finish.

And a note to author Nicholas Sparks: While I don’t generally enjoy your writing and have never loved any of the movie adaptations of your books (including The Notebook which I hated and this makes me very unpopular amongst people with vaginas), I get that your work has a certain mass appeal. That said, I think you need to shake it up a little. Not every one of your books has to include someone dying or someone who knows how to play piano. Not all of your female leads need to be emotionally damaged to the point of spending all their time in their pajamas or storming off porches. Not all of your male characters need to be in the army or have a dead brother or a dead wife or be ‘from the wrong side of the tracks.’ I’m pretty sure you just phoned this one in, didn’t you Sparks? DIDN’T YOU?

Ugh.

Here’s the trailer for this mess of a movie.

Advertisements

3 thoughts on ““2 Thumbs Up” – says No One (my review of the movie ‘The Lucky One’)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s