Funny Girls in Tight Jeans

Yup, another one of these. Sometimes emails are funnier than real life. But that could be the lunch beers talking*.

September 15, 2010

M: Did you know that some people still only shoot helicopters in video games?? Ummmmmm, I bet they haven’t even HEARD of a placenta bath.

J: You’re so funny. If you worked here, you’d be the 2nd funniest girl in the office. I just right boobed myself into a free muffin. Well played, right. Well played.

M: Nice work! Jeez, the best thing that’s happened to me all day was reading the term “Butt-Rock” at lunch.

J: I already know this is rock I wouldn’t cotton to. Also, I’ve been thinking we need to play up our scag-ness. We could have matching capes. Bracelets. Some sort of culottes.

September 16, 2010

M: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhh. This is happening. Rule number one for today: Don’t talk to anybody! I just spilled my coffee three times.  Once initially, and then twice more while trying to clean it up. Can someone buy my cleavage Starbucks?  Come on! I wore a low cut shirt to distract from the fact that my face is a wreck. How are you feeling today?  I’m feeling like a bag of dicks left out in the rain. For a month.  In the jungle.  Dear bag of chips – I can’t WAIT to see you this afternoon!

J: I can’t believe I feel ok-ish right now. This PowerAde is just preventative. I walked in with said PowerAde and the assistant quietly slipped from her desk like a hover nun and closed my office door behind me.  Her perky demeanor and perkier ponytail will be doing all of my work today.

M: Ugh. Let’s invite ourselves over to A’s house tonight so he can make us dinner. We should conference call and tell him.  I bet talking to him at work is totally awesome.  Especially if you’re springing something on him, like WE’REALLCOMINGOVERANDWE’REGOINGTOMAKEDINNERANDIT’SGOINGTOBEAWESOME……..
BECAUSEWE’REALLSUPERFRIENDS!! And then we realize that he hung up on us five minutes ago. I feel like I’ve been punched inside out.

J: I could definitely go for about 8 inside-out showers right now. I need to stop smoking. I washed my hair 3 times this morning.

M: I really want to scrub underneath all of my fingernails. I have so much warm vanilla sugar body spray in my hair that I’m worried about a bear attack.

J: I basically scratched a dove bar of soap down to a sliver while washing under my fingernails. Can I be the bear?

*Kidding. I don’t drink at work. This isn’t Quebec. Maybe if I actually had time to take a lunch break….

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