If you’re like me (and I know you are), then you probably spend at least one afternoon per week pondering whatever became of your favourite TGIFriday (on ABC) sitcom stars. Friday nights in my youth were a blur of Perfect Strangers, heroine addiction, Family Matters, setting things on fire, Step by Step and Full House. And today had me thinking about Step by Step’s Staci Keanan, who played Dana Foster on the show, which ran from 1991 – 1998. You all remember the premise of Step by Step, right? Kind of a massive Brady Bunch rip-off, only without the annoying cracked out housekeeper and freaky murderous bisexual blonde sisters with penis envy? If not, here’s a recap:
Frank Lambert is a construction worker and a single father of 3 kids: J.T., Alicia “Al” and Brendan. Carol Foster, a beautician, also has 3 children: Dana, Karen and Mark. After Frank and Carol run into each other on vacation and spontaneously get married, they and their children (who appeared to have known and hated each other) have to learn to live together and love each other. It’s not easy, but they are trying to do this step by step . . .
That’s some clever, clever shit yo.
So here’s what I PRESUME happened to her after Step by Step went off the air.
Staci had trouble letting go of her Dana Foster persona. She had her name officially changed to Dana Foster. Then there was the 6 months she spent trying to convince uber music producer/billionaire David Foster that she was his daughter. Soon after, she was approached to do a naughty remake of her 1987 series My Two Dads. Except replace ‘Dads’ with ‘Boyfriends’ and ‘Two’ with ‘Horny Gang of” and..well..you get the drift. The money was good and it filmed in her apartment, which was convenient.
In early 2000, Staci opened up a dog grooming salon in Sacramento. One day, Jonathan Taylor Thomas of Home Improvement fame came in looking for a job, and the two quickly embarked on a brief but intense love affair. Until Staci realized that the man she was in love with wasn’t Jonathan Taylor Thomas, but was in fact a waitress named Marlene from New Mexico who just looked like JTT. Lonely and dejected, Staci moved to Louisville, Kentucky, where she won 3 hot dog eating contests and was soon after murdered in the bathroom of a Burger King.