10 Things About Me

1 – I am allergic to science. And holy water.

2 – I truly believe that if Bon Jovi met me, he’d have sex with me.

3 – I have vomited in the bathroom of Sweaty Betty’s (a bar just south of my neighbourhood). Twice.

4 – Up until 3 years ago, I thought Jurassic Park was based on a true story. I thought that there existed an island somewhere where there were, in fact, dinosaurs. Living, breathing, pooping dinosaurs. Don’t ask me how this happened. I went to school and I do remember the part where I learned that all the dinosaurs died, but that piece of info was clearly wiped out of my brain by a shoe sale or a Leonardo DiCaprio movie or something. I also believed (for about 8 minutes) that Dubai purchased all of the world’s remaining LIVING dinosaurs for a theme park. I went as far as to comment (out loud, to my new coworkers) that ‘of course Dubai got dinosaurs. Bitchin! But I’d be so terrified to work there. I don’t think I’ll ever visit” I wish this was a joke. Turns out Dubai had decided to build a dinosaur park with. like. robot dinosaurs and dinosaur-themed stuff. Not real dinosaurs. Because as it turns out, they’re like totally dead. A long time ago.

5 – I once went to New York City with the intention to stalk Gavin DeGraw. Who? Exactly.

6 – I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you: I really, really liked the movie Center Stage. It made me feel my own feelings, you know?

7 – I was once kicked out of the Church of Scientology on Yonge Street in Toronto. Evidently, although I’m crazy, I’m not their particular brand of crazy. I have decided to start my own religion based loosely around the themes from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

8 – I was born a ginge. That’s right, I had the devil’s hair. This is not a photo of me as a baby, but you get the gist.

9 – Last week I faked being deaf when a weird woman at the gym tried to strike up a conversation while we were on neighbouring exercise bikes. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized she had probably noticed that I had been listening to my iPod during the rest of my workout. And talking on my cell phone. Oopsie.

10 – I would kick 1,000 cute squirrels for a lifetime supply of Jack Astor’s garlic pan bread with cheese.

Sleep well.


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