50 Cent’s New BFF is the Wind Beneath His Wings

As always, I strive to bring to you, my readers, the important news of the day. The real heavy-hitting shit, you know? So here goes.

You standing up? If so, sit down.

You sitting down? You should probably stand. 

Oh, and you’ll want to empty your bladder. I’ll wait………………………………………………………………….”tall and tan and young and lovely…the girl from Ipanema goes walking…and when she passes, each one she passes goes – ah“……….la la la………………….and you’re back.

50 Cent and Bette Middler are new besties. I shit you not. Bette refers to 50 as the ‘Godfather of Jamaica, Queens’ and 50 refers to Bette as ‘crazy white lady with big voice’. Kidding on that second part. Lucky for my lunch, which was making a return trip up my esophagus, they have denied rumours of a musical collaboration. I’m still recovering from Eminem and Elton John’s duet.

I will also mention here that Bette said that 50 makes her life worth living. Clearly, she hasn’t been shot 9 times. But keep hanging ’round with 50 and anything can happen.

Oh Bette.

Never again will I sing your beautiful words in my shower/on a crowded elevator/at strangers’ weddings:

It must have been cold there in my shadow,
to never have sunlight on your face.
You were content to let me shine, that’s your way.
You always walked a step behind.

So I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength.
A beautiful face without a name for so long.
A beautiful smile to hide the pain.

Did you ever know that you’re my hero,
and everything I would like to be?
I can fly higher than an eagle,
’cause you are the wind beneath my wings.


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