Twilight Encounter: A Tale of Intense Embarrassment and Amazing Outfits

So MM and I hit up Vancouver for a short vaca last week over Easter Weekend.

Yeah, don’t be hatin’ on us. We just be awesome like that.

MM’s sister moved to Vancouver to work awhile back and since I’d never seen the West Coast I thought I’d tag along with MM when she decided it was time for another visit. We arrived alive and on time and buckled up for fun. I brought my best outfits (20% borrowed from K and R!). Vancouver is super pretty. Amazing scenery, nice people, great food.

This story is about our second night in Vancouver, when we met up with some friends who had a packed schedule of revenge dates planned. Friend ‘J” needed to get her fave pair of earrings back from a bartender at a bar* in Yaletown, whom she briefly dated. Following that, other friend ‘A’ had a revenge date planned at a club*. As I had just met ‘J’ and ‘A’ at dinner earlier that night in WestVan (they’re friends of M’s sister), I had no idea what to expect from the night scene-wise, but I was fancy dressed and ready for anything. “We looked hot” would be the main theme of this paragraph.

So me, MM and MM’s sis go to meet up with “J” and “A” at what I had assumed (based on the name) was a bar, but which turned out to be a restaurant. We walk in, all air kisses and hellos (and that’s without pre-drinking, believe it or not). I dramatically whip off my coat to reveal my supercute dress and mid-twirl (yes, I twirl) I catch sight of a stunningly beautiful boy standing about 3 feet away from me.

And then everything went very, very quiet.

Except for the screaming in my head.

As I (prefer to) remember it, I calmly walked over to MM and quietly announced (shrieked?) that Robert Pattinson was at the bar. Like, right next to us. Like, spitting distance. MM would likely interject that nothing I did in the following 20 minutes was in any way subtle, cool, or anything to be proud of. Because, um, I kind of SHUT DOWN. Like, I forgot how to breathe. And I vaguely recall getting right in MM’s face and whispering “I can’t deal with this” over and over??!!

I’m ashamed of my reaction for a few reasons. Let’s list them here:

1) He’s just a person, really. Actor or no actor (he just happens to be a very, very, very beautiful person – like, it hurts he’s so pretty). I shouldn’t have been so affected.

2) Twilight was a crap movie. But he is a super talented piano and guitar player, which elevates him in my books.

3) I don’t get starstruck. Brad Pitt could waltz in front of me and I wouldn’t so much as blink. Hand to god. Wouldn’t care. Would I think it was kinda cooll? Sure. Would I care/freak? Not so much.

4) I don’t crush on celebs. Like, ever. In fact, I proudly bypassed the entire Leonardo DiCaprio craze that afflicted my friends through most of middle school and high school. Water off my back. No biggie. Not my shtick.

But Robert? Oh, Robert. You do things to me. I quiver.

I eat celeb blogs for breakfast, so I was aware that the second installment of the Twilight movie franchise (New Moon) was filming in Vancouver. But I truly didn’t expect we’d randomly run into the cast, and I certainly wasn’t going to try and coerce MM and her sis to spend the weekend lurking around hotels and bars in the hopes of running into them. So imagine my shock at seeing them in a random restaurant! Makes me kinda laugh to think of all the twi-hards coming from all around the world to hunt them down! All that work, all that effort. All we had to do was walk into a seafood restaurant and ta da!!!

When I was able to take a closer look without being too obvious (again, a likely fail, but my faux memories serve to protect my fragile ego), I realized that also in Robert’s man crew was Jackson Rathborne (who plays Jasper in the Twilight movies), and Rob’s best friend Sam (didn’t know who he was at the time but since then I have seen some pics of the two posted on PerezHilton.com and I made the connection.). They were also hanging with a guy who appeared to be crew. +++Update – there’s a possibility that I’m confusing Jackson and Sam. I can’t quite remember if it was both of them or only one of them and all I can remember for sure is the curly hair (which they both have).

So what can I tell you about Rob at this point in the night? Um, he looked exactly like I would’ve thought (See picture. Pretty sure this is his ‘uniform’). Black jeans, black sneaks, gray t-shirt, a flannel shirt on top of that, and a black jacket. He was wearing a black hat/tuque thing. He’s photographed wearing it a lot. That’s how I recognized him, actually –

the hat. Funny enough, ‘A’ and ‘J’ had been sitting right next to him and his crew for like 45 minutes and hadn’t noticed. I filled them in. Also, I’ve been reading on various celeb gossip sites that he smells bad. I didn’t notice any smell. Maybe he had just showered? Kristen Stewart smelled. More on that later, but suffice it to say this crew are may-jah chainsmokers. Oh, and he’s tall. Not ginormous, but not short either. I’d say 5’10 or taller.

So during this time, I’m seriously trying to not shake. Again, another fail. Because I can’t ignore the fact that he’s right there. Looking all sexy and drunk. Sweet fancy Moses that boy wears the hell out of a pair of pants. When I got my pint of beer from the bartender I had to take it with two hands because my hands were shaking. I thought no one noticed. According to MM, it was fairly (ok really, really) obvious. But in my defense, I am mostly proud of how I acted at this time. I didn’t go fangirl crazy and interrupt him and his buds. I didn’t try and snap his picture (which I kinda regret now, but honestly it’s just not my style, and ‘A’ and I were working on a ‘let’s-become-besties-with-them-and-hang-out-all-night’ plan that I perceived would be foiled by a picture request). The man group seemed to be having a chill time. They were doing shots and drinking Coronas. I was trying to be all ‘whatever’ about the whole thing, but, according to MM, was completely foiled by the presence of a massive fucking mirror above the bar that I hadn’t noticed. So yeah, apparently, they noticed us, noticing them. I’m telling
myself that they thought it was cute. Snort.

 A few minutes later Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed saunter in. Now, I truly almost lost it. I have a serious, serious girlcrush on Kristen Stewart. To me, she has the most perfect face, and I love her style. And she can actually act. Unfortunately, she smelled really bad. I found myself back to back with her and she smelled like she’d been locked in a damp room smoking cigarettes for 2 days. She was wearing cool glasses, a hoodie (hood up the ENTIRE time) and skinny jeans with hightop sneakers. She’s totes gorgeous though, even with dirty hair. Nikki Reed is also stunning, and as a random note when she was on her way out a short while later, she was extremely gracious to a random fan who spotted her while walking by. The fan bolted up to Nikki and introduced herself and Nikki replied “I’m Nikki. Nice to meet you.” She was wearing a hat with a pompom on top, skinny jeans and the ugliest black boots ever – but carrying an amazing purse that I covet. I think it was Prada.

The group of them hung for a bit, chatting amongst themselves. I’ll interject here that the main reason why I didn’t approach any of the actors is because they really didn’t seem like they wanted to talk to ANYONE. I mean, ‘A’ is gorgeous and the boys truly didn’t give her the business at all. I kind of tried to hold her out as bait to them, but they weren’t biting. Weird. I’ve heard they’re super tight and also very leery of fans, and I can’t blame them. Mentally patting myself on the back for leaving them alone. They were dancing about a bit, more bopping to the music in the restaurant, as we were. At that point I was torn between chatting them up (since our two groups were standing side-by-side) and getting the hell out. I chose get the hell out. Also, I had noticed the crew kid with them was heading out for a smoke, and I needed to borrow a lighter. (Save the finger wagging for another time – I only smoke on vacation and occasionally on weekends, ok?). So I get outside and get a light and short kid kinda looks like he wants to chat but then Kristen walks out and lights up and they start talking. That’s when I noticed a group of like 7 older men/women milling in front of the restaurant smoking. Apparently, they were crew too. Like all of them had been hanging out for dinner that night or something. Kinda cute, right? So they all mill together to the left, and I distance myself as much as possible to the right, without actually walking into the street. There’s another random girl smoking near me.

Then everything got quiet again.

Because Robert walked outside. And. Spoke.To.Me.

Sorta.

Let me explain.

Pretty sure he was hammered. Pretty sure I was so nervous that he was standing next to me again that I avoided eye contact. He sorta gestured to me and random girl and said in the most perfect accent ever: “So, smoking alone, then?

Time stopped. Angels sang. I could hear pudding. I was at one with the universe.

And now my friends, is when I Carried A Watermelon. Remember that scene in Dirty Dancing where Baby finds herself face-to-face with Johnny, the subject of her desire, at a staff-only sweaty dance party? And Johnny turns to his friend who brought her along and asks why he brought Baby with him. And Baby answers: “I carried a watermelon”. And it’s cringe-worthy and embarrassing but also heart-warming and adorable?

Well, that was me. Minus the heart-warming and adorable part.

My answer, to Rob’s question (which may or not have been directed at me, random girl, or a combination thereof) was: “My friends don’t smoke.”

Yup.

Brilliant, right? Like, amazing. Articulate, witty, really showed off the coolness within me? Kill me now.

And that was it.

He said ‘cool,’ or something?. He smoked with his crew buddies. They all left for ‘home’ in a big group. And took my dignity with them.

So next time you do something embarrassing in front of a beautiful boy, just have a little internal monologue with yourself as follows: “Ok, so that was bad. But not as bad as that time Jenn met Robert Pattinson and carried a watermelon.”

You’re welcome.

*A note on Vancouver nightlife, if I may. In Vancouver, there aren’t many ‘clubs’ per say like we have in Toronto (which works for me because I hate clubs and won’t set foot in one, for fear of catching something). After my brief visit to Vancouver I realized that there are some significant differences between how Vancouver and Toronto classify ‘clubs’, ‘lounges’, and ‘bars’. The nightlife conversion from Vancouver to Toronto is approximately as follows:

o       What Vancouver calls a club, Toronto calls a fancy bar with a dance floor/more of a lounge.

o       What Vancouver calls a lounge, Toronto calls a bar (but not the bars that us TBS gals chill at – more the type of bar where mostly wealthy Persians hang out. Little dancing, less fun.)

o       A bar in Vancouver is more equivalent to a restaurant in Toronto, albeit a restaurant with a quasi-separate bar. Like a Jack Astor’s or a Montana’s or The Keg.

We did end up that night at an amazing bar called Section 3 that I would go back to in a second. Beautiful people, reasonably-priced drinks, comfy booths. Loved it. Perhaps on my next trip….. I miss you Vancouver!

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