You’re Running Out of ‘J’ Names, You Crazy Mother Fuckers

The Duggar family of Arkansas welcomed their 18th child into the world this weekend.


The Duggars, you see, are batshit crazy. And to put the cherry on top of the crazy cake, they bestow upon their brood first names that start with the letter ‘J.’ Jordyn-Grace weighed in at 3.26kg and was 51cm long at birth. The Duggars other 17 children are  Joshua, 20; Jana and John-David (twins), 18; Jill, 17; Jessa, 16; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 12; Joy-Anna, 11; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9 (twins again?); Jason, 8; James, 7; Justin, 6; Jackson, 4; Johannah, 3; and Jennifer, 1. Clever shit naming that Jinger one. Must have had a little too much church wine that night, huh Mrs. Duggar? And the best part is, THEY WANT MORE CHILDREN. Please, someone, intervene. I vomit just THINKING about what their bathroom must look like with all those boys. Blech.

The real victim here is, of course, Mr. Duggar, who probably hasn’t enjoyed sex since 1984. Because when you think about it, after 18 kids it must be pretty much like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. Do you think that maybe during the delivery, some clever doctor shouted “Last time I saw a hole that big, Evil Knievel was jumping over it!”

I think.

She’s vaginormous.

Ok I’m done now.



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