My Penis Broke

So my coworker bought me this itsy bitsy cactus thingy that came in its own plastic container with holes for irrigation. Easy to water, hard to kill. So I went on vaca about 2 months after I got it and when I got back my cactus had grown an….arm? a teeny tiny arm sprouting out its side and reaching to the heavens. In the spirit of ‘the higher the hair, the closer to god,’ my cactus penis (went from an arm to a penis after it grew – rapidly – to twice the height of the original cactus) soon grew too tall to be contained in its plastic casing. As such, today came the day when it was time to remove cactus (still it’s original height of about 2 centimeters) and it’s protruding penis (tall and proud and starting to curve to the left where it made contact with the top of the case). I’m far too emotionally attached to my cactus and its penis to remove it myself, so I tasked my coworker with the delicate procedure. And she broke the penis in half. My cactus is now just a cactus, sans penis. It’s a very sad day. RIP cactus penis. You will be missed. I attach a photo taken shortly after the penis emerged, way before it hit it’s mazimum height (seriously, the thing was freaky). But you get the idea.

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