Nothing. That’s what. Because I worship her. I’d do anything, whether it be perverse, uncomfortable, or just plain nas-tay, including but not limited to:
1) Eating cooked beets
2) Touching a clown
3) Watching a Ghost Whisperer marathon
4) Letting a homeless guy spit in my mouth
5) Letting Mickey Rourke spit in my mouth
6) Shopping at Stitches
7) Buying food sold within a subway station
Tina Fey owns me. Did you see her at the Emmy’s last night? Perfection. And she won!!!! And so did 30 Rock!!!! Mad Men won for best drama. Well deserved. I watch Mad Men for Christina Hendricks. Have you seen the body on this woman? I want to motor boat her cleavage from here to next Friday. Photo attached. Green is a lovely, lovely colour on her.
Congrats to all of last night’s Emmy winners including:
• Actor, Comedy Series: Alec Baldwin, “30 Rock,” NBC.
• Actress, Comedy Series: Tina Fey, “30 Rock,” NBC.
• Supporting Actor, Comedy Series: Jeremy Piven, “Entourage,” HBO.
• Supporting Actress, Comedy Series: Jean Smart, “Samantha Who?,” ABC.
Favourite Emmy line: Conan O’Brien poking fun at ungreatful bitch Katherine Heigl with this zinger: “At this point I had planned on doing a few more jokes…but Katherine Heigl told me she didn’t think my material was Emmy-worthy.”
Best dressed: For me, it was Brooke Shields. Not because it was the most amazing dress (in fact, I hate the top of it) but because she owned it. Healthy body, great colour for her skin tone, age appropriate. Have you watched her on Lipstick Jungle? She’s fantastic.
Worst dressed: Eva Longoria. Because it’s fucking Marchesa. Marchesa only designs ugly, didn’t you know? Yet somehow her designs show up on every.single.fucking. red carpet. Did you know that Marchesa is designed by Georgina Chapman, who is married to Harvey Weinstein. Who is a major Hollywood player who can make or break you with the snap of his fat fingers? But I’m sure it’s the beauty of the Marchesa gown that has starlets flocking to wear them, n’est pas? Snort.
P.S. Bought my first Coach purse and wallet this weekend. Had a teeny tiny fashion orgasm in the store. Got a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge deal on it by shopping at the Coach outlet store on the US side of Niagara Falls. I feel taller somehow.