Why Can’t I Change the Channel?

You know you SHOULD, no, MUST, change the channel (but due to reasons beyond your control–you’ve reached new levels of sloth, you have a fat ass and you’re sitting on the remote, you’re an overeater and you ate the remote..) if you are watching ANY of the following:1) VH1’s Driven: Christina Aguilera..for the 17th time 

2) Any show with this line in the closing credits..”Producer: Ashton Kutcher”

3) Any show featuring Jason Alexander (that’s George Costanza to you uneducated folk) that isn’t Seinfeld.

4) Any episode from season 2 through 4 of the O.C. Tragic. Truly tragic.

5) TV movies featuring Tori Spelling/Shannon Doherty/Jennie Garth. Shocking really, that the talent pool that was 90210 turned to made for tv hallmark card inspired crap to pay the bills. Didn’t invest in Jason Priestly’s race car driving scheme, did you?

6) Your 6th straight hour of the Weather Network. This may be brand new information, but the screen behind them is F-ing BLANK! That’s right. While they are waving their hand over a general blob of nothing, you’re sitting at home marvelling at their skills. Ask one of them to point to Sioux Falls, Iowa. Won’t happen.

7) Any show that starts with “Who Wants to Marry A…” No one. That’s who.

8) The Spanish version of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Or should I say Buffy La Cazavampiros.

9) Wrestling. Does anyone else remember when it was good? I don’t.

10) Any program where David Beckham is being interviewed. The guy is jesusly hot, but have you ever listened to him? He’d make good money doing voice overs for anime cartoons.

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