Bits & Pieces


You guys, Spring is here. I think. Probably?

After a relatively mild winter in Toronto we got slammed with cold weather and snow last week. I really can’t complain because I seem to have been out of the country in El Salvador during the only other week this winter where proper boots were required. I can’t wait to bust out my leather jacket and ditch the toque. The forecast looks great for this weekend. I’m spending it celebrating my mom’s birthday by doing what I do best: handing her an envelope full of cash and taking her to Red Lobster (because: their cheese biscuits!). Tradition, y’all.

Hope you and yours have a lovely weekend full of loveliness.

Here are a few bits and pieces that made my week:

  • A great read on traveling with friends to make all of your vacations a little more fancy (read: Airbnb/villa rentals). I love the vibe of sharing a house with friends on vacation and have always had a blast doing it.
  • Have you been watching this season of Girls? I honestly think it’s the best season so far. I think, actually, that season 1 was my least favourite but I stuck with it. If you’ve not caught up I won’t ruin it for you but Allison Williams gives an absolutely stunning performance in season 5 episode 6, and talked about it in Vulture. Spoilers, obvi.
  • I started a new job recently and share a space with a vegan, a vegetarian and a Paleo follower. I am none of these things. That said, inspired, I’ve been seeking out some vegan recipes. I’m not a huge fan of pasta but I had a ass ton of avocado to use up in a hurry and this recipe for vegan alfredo was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. I loved it so much I’ve made it twice this week.
  • Have you heard of the Spike Lee movie Chiraq? It focuses on the gang violence in Chicago’s South Side where, in an effort to curb the shootings, the neighbourhood women get together and decide to withhold sex until the violence stops. The story is based on Aristophanes’ Lysistrata, a Classical Greek comedy play in which women withhold sex from their husbands as punishment for fighting in the Peloponnesian War. I watched it this week and found it quite brilliant. It has some great musical elements and the soundtrack is amazing. Also, more Angela Bassett in everything please.




Recap: The Bachelor – After The Final Rose









We head straight from Ben’s proposal to Lauren B. into the After the Final Rose special. Live in studio, Ben and host Chris Harrison talk about his struggle with being in love with both Lauren and JoJo. Ben has no regrets telling both Lauren and JoJo that he loved them. “I tried to be as honest as possible and it led me to Lauren…I can’t regret that,” Ben says.

Oh god, what did they do with JoJo’s parents who were there backstage in case Ben picked JoJo and they got married on TV? Did someone quietly hand JoJo’s mom a bottle of champs and usher them out the back into a waiting limousine?


JoJo’s mom during hometown dates

JoJo joins Ben on stage and he tells her he will “never regret” having her as part of his life. JoJo seems poised and calm and, dare I say happy? “It was gut wrenching watching that, but it helped me to see that it was hard for you too,” JoJo admits. She is all class wishing Ben and Lauren the best and saying how wonderful Lauren is. Now I’ll have the super sads if JoJo isn’t the next Bachelorette. She’s so lovely. Whyyyyy is Chris Harrison hinting that it’s not necessarily who we think?

Back from commercial break, JoJo says that life right after Jamaica was spent at home doing a lot of reflecting and thinking. “Watching back helped me a lot,” she confirms. “There’s a very big difference between the way he looked at Lauren and the way he looked at me,” JoJo says, echoing everyone on Twitter for the last 10 weeks. She asks Ben what the deciding factor for him was. “My desire was to stay open,” Ben says, “but as I started to really let myself feel things, I couldn’t picture my life without Lauren.” JoJo says she will always have a special place in her heart for Ben but adds that she’s moved on and has found peace and, again, is super happy for Lauren and Ben because they’re amazing people. No joke it’s the loveliest After the Final Rose runner-up face-to-face  ever.

PSYCH! The new Bachelorette *is* JoJo. Fuck, Chris Harrison even gestured towards off stage as if someone was going to walk out but then pointed right back at JoJo. The studio audience loses their damn minds. I may have shouted YASSSSSSSS at my TV. JoJo for Bachelorette! I’m going to watch the shit out of that season.

Lauren joins Ben on stage, where she says that she wasn’t “blindsided” by anything she saw on the show because the night after they got engaged Ben told her everything that had happened between him and JoJo. “Smart man,” Chris chuckles. “I was surprised but I wasn’t surprised,” Lauren says, of learning about Ben’s feelings for JoJo. They’re clearly super happy together and Lauren is full of sparkle and personality tonight. And wearing a white dress. Hmm…

Lauren confirms she is moving to Denver to be with Ben and she says she doesn’t want a long engagement. Bachelor superfan, late night host Jimmy Kimmel stands up in the crowd and asks them “what happens in the Fantasy Suite” (demonstrated with Barbies both clothed and naked).

That wedding Chris Harrison has been teasing all night? They bring out the Pastor but Ben says they owe it to each other to do a big wedding with all of their friends and family. Instead, Ben surprises Lauren with the news that her parents have been backstage and he calls them out and re- proposes.

Ben thanks Bachelor Nation for being supportive during a really `weird`season. And that`s it for another season of The Bachelor. Swoon!

Thanks for reading!



Recap: The Bachelor – Finale

Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on the finale of The Bachelor with Ben Higgins (original air date: Monday, March 14, 2016). Seriously, STOP READING NOW IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHO BEN PICKED. We good? Cool.


The Bachelor Ben Higgins. Photo source:

Alright Bachelor fans – tonight is the night we find out if Ben proposes to Lauren or JoJo (or no one, but come on) on the “emotional season finale”. So gird your loins and let’s do this! This is a three hour finale so hopefully you got enough wine. If not, it’s totally normal to start panicking right about now,

When we last saw Ben, he had told both Lauren and JoJo that he was in love with them – gasp! Then he went on ‘Women Tell All’ and announced that he was so in love he would marry the woman of his choice ASAP. So, when we go to studio for the live broadcast hosted by Chris Harrison, we learn that the producers have flown in the families of both women and that Ben and his intended will, in fact, get married on the After the Final Rose special. His pastor is literally on stand-by. I CAN’T EVEN.

Cut to Lauren and JoJo (separately, of course) in Jamaica all happy and in love but also starting to wonder if maybe Ben’s been playing a little fast and loose with the “I love you’s.” On his end, Ben swears he is in love with both women. He has no idea what he’s going to do because he can’t imagine saying goodbye to either of them, and they both love him too. For a guy who described himself as feeling “unlovable” he’s certainly found himself in quite the pickle.

It’s time for the last ladies standing to meet the Higgins’. Ben swears up and down that his mind is not made up, so he’s hoping that his parents can provide some clarity: Betty or Veronica. Err…I mean Lauren or JoJo.

First up is Lauren. Ben tells his parents how Lauren had mentioned wanting to meet them during their first date waaaayyyy back in week three, which played more adorable than stage 5 clinger. Lauren’s conversation with Ben’s dad is pretty innocuous. She saves the good stuff for Ben’s mom who looks great in shorts and is more than skeptical about Ben being in love with two women. Lauren asks how she can best be a good partner to Ben during the tough times. Good question, and she gets serious mom points. I don’t really listen to the answer but I’m sure it’s fine because Lauren and mom are holding hands which is in direct conflict with the ‘oh, you two think you’re in love, eh?…how adorable‘ vibe mom has been giving off so far. “I’d marry Ben tomorrow,” Lauren proclaims. There’s the Bachelor spirit! Her and Ben kiss and say goodbye and it’s all kind of boring.

When JoJo meets the parents she’s so nervous she’s shaking, but first impressions are amazeballs. She goes right into the ‘I’m in love with your son’ stuff and Ben talks about how they have had the most ‘amazing moments’ on their dates. JoJo tells Ben’s dad that there will never be a day when Ben doesn’t know how much she loves him (awwww). JoJo and Ben’s mom also hold hands (IS THIS A THING?) and JoJo says she feels “safe” and protected with Ben, which mom likes because Ben says the same about JoJo. Ben confirms that JoJo is a hit with the folks, and, when questioned by JoJo, says that a proposal in the end is definitely a possibility.

Based purely on the meet-the-parents shtick, JoJo comes out the winner but if the internet has anything to say about it, she’s heading for heartbreak. Ben’s dad is all ‘shit Ben, they’re both awesome – you have a tough choice’. Dad describes Lauren as “polished” and JoJo as a “best friend.” Mom says everything about both of them was “so wonderful.” Not the clarity Ben was seeking from his parents. Mom cries worrying about the fact that Ben still doesn’t know who to get engaged to but says whoever he picks is going to be “blessed” (and on the cover of US Weekly).

Back in the studio, the camera pans over Ben’s pastor who is literally reading the Bible. WE GET IT. Is he looking for a passage that will make the bridge less mad after seeing that Ben didn’t know who to propose to until, like, the night before?

For their ‘final date’, Lauren and Ben kiss on a catamaran and talk about feelings and not being able to sleep. He looks at Lauren like he wants to devour her, but Lauren senses his “heavy mind.” Ben tells her it’s been “so perfect since the moment I saw you,” and admits he knew he loved her right away. In his voiceover, he questions his feelings for Lauren and talks about being freaked out because he felt so strongly about her immediately.

Later, Ben visits a nervous Lauren and she wants to know if he has any doubts or any questions. “I’m ready to spend my life with you,” says an emotional Lauren, while Ben continues to look slightly barfy. None of this would be happening if Chris Harrison had been around more this season to bro down with Ben and offer his awesome Harrison advice, I’ve decided. But I digress. Lauren and Ben touch foreheads while the serious Bachelor music plays, and Ben says “no matter what happens, you’ve made me a better person…you’ve made this worth it.” In her private on-camera interview, Lauren looks scared as fuck because she knows Ben could be equally in love with JoJo. “I can’t picture my life without Ben,” she says.

The next day Ben wakes feeling “uneasy” and can still picture “life with both JoJo and Lauren.” He now “has to compare relationships.” “I’m going to pray for clarity,” Ben announces.

He meets up with JoJo for their last date. They kiss like one of them just got out of prison and then hop into a jeep. They’re in the jungle and there’s a waterfall and it’s all very romantic when they Tarzan vine swing into the water and make out like teenagers. “If there’s anything left that I need to say to him, today’s my last chance,” JoJo says. That leads to them chatting about the future and JoJo tells Ben she’s committed to making their relationship work because she has “so much faith in you and I.” “My mind is in a thousand different places,” Ben admits to a visibly freaked JoJo, who we just watched realize that Ben is in love with her and Lauren. JoJo is hoping to hear something that gives her a bit of hope – because Ben admits to being torn between the two women – and says she prays she doesn’t end up “looking like a fool.”

For the evening portion of their date, JoJo is determined to pick up on any info she can that will confirm to her that it will be the two of them in the end. When prompted by JoJo, Ben says he has no fears or concerns about their relationship. “The next time I see you, you could make me the happiest person or I could be heartbroken,” she says. “Somehow in two months you became my best friend,” Ben tells her. But that’s not enough for JoJo who still wants to hear from Ben that he’s going to pick her, even though she knows he can’t give her that. Her strategy is to lock them in the bathroom, still mic’d, and tell him she’s losing her mind. “You love her too, am I right?” JoJo pleads. Ben confirms, and also admits to having told Lauren that he loves her too. She breaks down crying because she’s “so tired of competing with other people.” Off the bathroom floor and back on the couch, Ben says he doesn’t want to say goodbye and he cries a little and thanks JoJo for sticking with him through this whole process. They say ‘I love you’ for the millionth time and he leaves.

It’s starting to sink in that Ben is probs getting married on live TV within the next 90 minutes which means there’s a pretty good chance he’s not marrying me. That’s just science, people.

Neil Lane arrives for the ‘pick the ring’ part and it’s possible that Ben still hasn’t quiiiiite decided. NEIL IS A JEWELER, NOT A THERAPIST, BEN. Luckily, looking at the ring, Ben says he knows who it is. “I love two women, but I’m only fully in love with one woman,” he says. #finally

Lauren and JoJo get ready to get engaged or dumped. Lauren says when she met Ben she finally knew what people meant when they said they “met the love of their life.” For her part, JoJo is super sure that Ben is the one for her and she wants him to get down on one knee so they can start their life together. She thinks she’ll know if it’s her or not immediately when she sees him.

Ben awaits Lauren and JoJo and paces nervously, feeling “physically sick” over having to break up with one of them.

JoJo arrives in a helicopter (of course) and takes the loooong walk towards Ben. “From our first kiss on that rooftop in LA…to being able to finally tell you ‘I love you’…these are the moments where taking a crazy chance on love has been worth it,” Lauren says. “This is worth it…you are worth it. I’m never going to run from this,” she adds.

Ben starts with: “I, uh…”

Oh, crap.

“I came into this not knowing if I was going to find love…I found it with you…but I found it with somebody else more,” Ben drops. “I don’t want to let you go because I don’t want to say goodbye,” he tells a completely gutted JoJo. “Even on a day like today, I still don’t question that I love you…but you asked me to be honest and I’m trying to be.”

JoJo puts on a brave smile but admits she’s “confused and blindsided.” “Where did it go wrong?” she asks. When Ben tries to explain, she brushes him of and they start walking. He cries telling her he couldn’t imagine saying bye to her and doesn’t know how to explain why he is choosing someone else. They hug goodbye before he puts her into the Limo of Broken Dreams™. So sad…but JoJo for Bachelorette, right? RIGHT?!

Ben watches the limo pull away while inside it JoJo cries and says she wants to go home. “JoJo gets the raw end of this deal…she didn’t deserve this…I don’t deserve JoJo,” Ben says, in tears. Somewhere, JoJo’s brothers are cracking their knuckles and picking out their best asskicking cardigans.


JoJo’s brothers

“I love Lauren so much that saying goodbye to JoJo had to happen,” states an emotional Ben before calling Lauren’s dad to ask permission to propose. Lauren’s dad says he has the whole family’s blessing and that they can’t wait to hug him and welcome him to the family. God dammit how does this show make me emotional? I thought I was dead inside by now. Gah!

Lauren emerges from her helicopter, her voiceover proclaiming she’s “at her best” with Ben. “Today will either be the best day of my life or the worst day,” she predicts.

“You couldn’t look more beautiful,” he greets her.  Lauren tells Ben that she hoped her first kiss with him was her last first kiss ever. “You are my person,” she tells him. While Ben briefly gathers his thoughts, his downcast gaze and slight pause result in Lauren’s eyes widening in complete fear. That fear quickly turns to relief when Ben says “Lauren, I never want to say goodbye to you.” “My desire from here on out is to live for you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you” he adds. He proposed, he accepts. The usual. Ben tells her she’s also his person and it’s pretty adorable and mushy. He presents Lauren with the final rose. “Yes! Give me that thing!” she laughs, showing the most personality she has shown in weeks.

And there you have it! Pretty predictable, but I did think for a split second after the meet-the-parents part that he would maybe pick JoJo.

Hit me up in the comments – did Ben make the right decision?

Coming up, my recap of the After the Final Rose special.


Recap: The Bachelor – ‘Women Tell All’

Howdy rose lovers,

As per tradition, between the week that our Bachelor Ben Higgins narrows the herd down from three women to two after overnight “fantasy suite” dates/scheduled intercourse and the week where, likely, a proposal happens, it’s the Women Tell All! This is when former contestants get together on one stage, many attempting to reclaim their 15 minutes of fame while everyone typically gangs up on one or two recently departed contestants.

Here are some highlights from the episode:

  • Host Chris Harrison reminds us that this season featured the most women to ever tell a Bachelor they love him, and the first time a Bachelor has told the final two women (JoJo and Lauren) that he loves them
  • Chris and Ben do some surprise drop-ins on Bachelor viewing parties – one house has their babies in Mrs. Higgins onesies and scoreboards with the women’s photos
  • In another house, Ben is greeted by 40 bouncy ladies who should be panicking that their Ben shrines will come off more “creepy” than “superfan” – their journals will hear A LOT about this night
  • Ben admits that one year ago he was on Tinder! Cue 80,000 more women joining Tinder!
  • Olivia has cut her hair but still won’t close her mouth
  • Did they slip a few bonus Lauren’s in there to eff with us? #somanylaurens
  • A chicken named Sheila steals the show (reminding us that early-offed contestant Tiara was a “chicken enthusiast”)
  • Amongst the season’s “villain’s” (Olivia, Lace, Leah and Jubilee), I thought Olivia would get the most hate but there’s a lot of cut eye and negative comments aimed towards Leah right off the bat
  • Amber’s face looks different – really different (nose?)
  • Allegedly, Jubilee made comments during taping around going the farthest on the show as a ‘true’ black woman (thus angering biracial angels Amber and Jami) but she claims those allegations are false(ish)
  •  I still love Jubilee (who remains in the military and just made Sergeant) and she speaks very well in her one-on-one with Chris Harrison, admitting she spent too much time “over-thinking” things during her time on the show
  • Lace is in good spirits watching the recap of her time on the show, which was definitely cringe-worthy and borderline crazypants
  • Lace claims that after watching herself back on the show she has made some major life changes (including cutting down on using the word “crazy”)
  • Speaking of crazy, a random (and obviously planted) dude in the crowd shouts out during Lace’s couch time with Chris Harrison to say that she may be crazy but she’s crazy beautiful and shows off his tattoo of Lace’s face on his ribs (the eff?) and then goes on stage to get a photo with her during which Chris is all “we need better security” and “don’t actually touch her” but no, seriously, you need better security

A Lace face tattoo on some nutjob’s ribcage

  • Chris convinces Lace to go on Bachelor in Paradise (probably because there’s security there to protect her from tattoo guy)
  • Chris really earns his paycheque tonight acting as host, therapist and bodyguard
  • Olivia feels that it’s unfair that the women all shit-talked her during taping instead of coming right to her to hash out issues like they did more with Jubilee
  • Sweetie pie twins Emily and Haley call Olivia a bully for saying Ben should “run” from single mom Amanda and insinuating that the other women were sluts based on wardrobe choices
  • Olivia counters that she was severely bullied as a child and claims she is actually very much an introvert despite her public persona and job as a TV anchor (though she did say she finds the mouth jokes directed at her “funny”)
  • “There’s no way to know how to do this right. I did it wrong,” Olivia says – and surprisingly, Chris does not ask her to join Bachelor in Paradise
  • Second runner up and overall adorable gal (and Ben-anointed “sex panther”) Caila takes the hot seat after Olivia and says she still has strong feelings for Ben and that him not loving her back pretty much gutted her
  • Caila says that watching the show back it was helpful for her to see how Ben looked at JoJo and Lauren because she wants to meet someone who looks at her that way
  • “The most popular Bachelor in history” (definitely the most handsome) takes the stage and is visibly nervous
  • First thing’s first – Chris reminds Ben of the mess he is in having told two women that he loves them last week
  • Ben addresses Caila and hopes she knows how much their relationship meant to him
  • Amanda and Becca have nothing but the loveliest of lovely things to say about Ben, and he can still tell twins Emily and Haley apart (win!)
  • Ben confirms he is super in love (we find out next week if it’s with JoJo or Lauren) and would get married tomorrow (to Lauren, I’m guessing, leaving JoJo open to be the next Bachelorette!)
Come back next week to read my finale recap!

Recap: The Bachelor – Week Nine

Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on episode 9 of The Bachelor with Ben Higgins (original air date: Monday, February 29, 2016).


Bachelor Ben Higgins. Photo source:

Ben and his final three ladies are in Jamaica, and overnight “fantasy suite” dates are on the table. If some random dude was about to go on three dates with three women in three days and probably bang at least two of them we would hate him, but this is The Bachelor where the only thing we hate is women who “didn’t come here to make friends” and people named Lace. Remember Lace???

Caila and Ben have the first date of the week, and Ben describes their relationship as the “deepest.” Caila is feeling “anxious” despite a solid hometown date and as a result their conversation stalls during a river boat cruise. Ben senses that she’s holding back but Caila claims she’s over-thinking things and really wants to just enjoy the moment. Despite their open discussion about the awkwardness, this relationship still feels a few steps back from what he has with Lauren and JoJo. “It’s really important that tonight goes well,” stresses Caila. She course corrects for the evening part of their date and is visibly less “distracted.” Ben really wants to talk more about her weirdness earlier in the day. Caila likes that he noticed she was acting strange, and admits to being scared given that there are two other women who are also likely falling in love with Ben. “Every time I’m with you…it just feels right,” she tells him, adding that she’s in love with him. I thought she told him a few weeks ago so this seems somewhat anti-climactic. Ben pulls out the overnight date card and it’s all systems go on her end. “There is no other place I’d rather be in the world than in his arms,” Caila gushes in her voiceover as they make out in the ocean with fireworks in the background.

God I hate fireworks. Reason #56,928 I would never be on the Bachelor. I feel like it’s gotta be part of the screening process: do you like fireworks, helicopter rides, and awkward impromptu serenades from bands that you’ve only heard of if you live in the American mid-West? Yes? You’re in.

“It will be him and I at the end of this!” Caila declares. The next morning, Ben and Caila are all adorable and sweet over coffee and she loves that they woke up as a couple. Ben loves how great she looks in the morning. She has that awesome hair that makes me hate myself. With a parting kiss and “I love you,” Caila leaves.

Date number two is with Lauren, who is leaning towards confessing her love to Ben because “she’s had these feelings for awhile.” According the University of My Eyeballs, he’s head over heels for Lauren too. It would appear that Ben doesn’t even get a day off between overnight dates which is kind of skeevy (or just editing) but not surprising for the Bachelor world. On their date, Lauren and Ben get to hold and then release newborn baby sea turtles (I WANT!) into the ocean for a “date full of cuteness.” Lauren compares the lives of these baby sea turtles to her love for Ben (yeah, it didn’t make sense to me either). Ben tells Lauren that he loved her family and admits to crying while talking to Lauren’s sister during his hometown visit because, as he states, “you’re too good for me.” Lauren says the feeling is mutual and they hop in the ocean and there’s a goddamn double rainbow in the background I’m not even joking. I can practically hear the Bachelor producers giving eachother crisp high fives at catching that moment.

Later that evening, they dance a bit and talk about how hard the week apart has been between hometown dates and this week’s dates. “I’m obviously very invested in you,” Lauren tells Ben, adding that she can see a life with him. Lauren tells him that he’s the man of her dreams but still no L word. Ben silently hands Lauren the overnight date card. I love how they are all signed by host Chris Harrison, America’s most charming pimp. Speaking of, just me or does it feel like Harrison has been mostly absent this season? I love when he bros down with the Bachelors and gives them advice and is all serious head nodding and sympathy eyes. Lauren finally fesses up to being “completely in love” with Ben. He knows that she wouldn’t still be there if her feelings weren’t strong, and then BREAKS ALL OF THE BACHELOR RULES by telling Lauren that he’s known he’s been in love with her for awhile. “I seriously didn’t think someone like you existed,” she states. Ben closes the blinds and we have to listen to the mics pick up the sounds of them kissing.




“Honey, I made breakfast,” Ben says the next morning, as all over North America women throw their underpants at their television. “Last night, I was really able to get confidence…in my feelings,” declares Ben. That’s the cutest euphemism for getting laid I’ve heard in weeks. “Ben’s my person,” says a euphoric Lauren.

“Telling Lauren I love her complicates things,” Ben declares and then meets up with JoJo. Ben finds her “uplifting” and reiterates he felt an immediate connection with JoJo. She is a bit worried about what went down between Ben and her family during hometowns while she was, I have to presume, locked in the basement so that she wouldn’t hear the grilling her brothers were giving him. JoJo is hesitant to tell Ben she’s in love with him because he can’t say it back (well….). “The thought of losing him is terrifying,” she moans. They swim at a waterfall and kiss a bit and JoJo says that everything she’s felt leads her to believe that she does love Ben and she tells him how terrified she is that she just said that. And then HE TELLS JOJO HE LOVES HER TOO.  Yes, I’m shouting.

Insert screeching tires sound. Oops, he did it again.

JoJo’s response is perfect: “What?! Are you allowed to say that?”

Yeah, we can’t believe it either. Actually, I can believe it because JoJo is awesome sauce but, as Ben states in his voiceover: “I don’t know how I can be in love with two women but I am.” I guess I know how he feels. Today I fell in love with two mini cupcakes at work. If you’re the mathy sort, that’s two women. So, like, bye bye Caila. While I have no doubt that Ben is in love with both of these great gals, I suspect he never would’ve been able to say it without the explicit, likely written, permission of the Bachelor powers-that-be.

“I just told JoJo I love her,” Ben reminds us, heading into the evening portion of their date. “But in the back of my mind I’m flashing back to telling Lauren the same thing.” Um, yeah, probs because it was less than 24 hours ago. Ben tells her that today meant a lot to him because he knows where she stands now and JoJo, now confident and secure in their relationship, seems more at east and happier than ever. Finally the topic of JoJo’s brothers gets some air time, and Ben admits to sensing a lot of tension and feeling “uneasy” after their hometown date. JoJo wants to scream I HATE  THEM THEY RUIN EVERYTHING but she manages to keep it cool and say she loves her brothers and knows their concern is coming from a good place. She insists that they will love Ben too. Remember her brothers? I don’t think they love anything aside from JoJo, lifting weights and wearing bracelets.


Not the faces of people who love Ben.

“I do feel like her family will support us,” Ben lies to himself convincingly before presenting JoJo the date card. She bails. Joking, obviously. They tour their fantasy suite which has a pool and a hot tub of course. If I was a heartless monster (if?) I would say that Lauren has the slight advantage over JoJo because JoJo would make a better Bachelorette. You can yell at me in the comments. I do feel like Ben is sliiiightly more into Lauren than JoJo but find JoJo more interesting than Lauren. It’s a real Sophie’s Choice. It’s not. I way overuse this phrase and it’s one of the main reasons why I’m probs going to hell. There’s also this thing where I used to steal cheese like three times a week from the place I bought my morning coffee and muffin. Also, there’s some mild treason in there but I promise it was adorable.

The next morning JoJo and Ben eat watermelon (or so they think) in bed and are all lovey dovey. These women look better first thing in the morning than I would look if I lived with a makeup artist who painted my face on in lieu of rent. There’s a slightly nauseating round of ‘no, you’re the cutest’ but I can’t hate on these two because it’s pretty sweet or maybe I have my period. Also, if any men are reading this (?) and are looking to sleep with a bunch of women on their next vacation you may want to google this resort.

Cut to Ben walking along the ocean and trying to figure out how to dump Caila. He is “not looking forward to it.” Ouch, he’s going to make her go through a rose ceremony? Luckily, spunky Caila just misses Ben so darn much that she can’t wait to see him again and surprises him, catching him totally off guard on his day off from sex and sweet morning-after banter. Ben’s face when he sees that it’s Caila is basically ‘ah, fuck.’

“It means a lot that you really tried to come over here,” he begins, and tells her it’s been a crazy week. You can actually see the exact moment when Caila realizes she’s getting dumped. “I am in love with two women here…and I just couldn’t say it back to you,” Ben tells her. “You are literally what I describe…as my perfect wife…” Ben says, confusingly, adding that it’s hard to imagine saying bye to her. “That sounds like a line,” Caila says, starting to cry, and tells Ben that he doesn’t have to say that and adds through her tears that she’s enjoyed getting to know him and that she loves him but really can she just go now? Ben asks if he can walk her out and for a second it seems like Caila will say no but she agrees and they hug and Ben wants her to know that he’s really going to miss the crap out of her.

A heartbroken Caila climbs into the SUV of Broken Dreams™ but hops back out because she wants more information. “Did you know this week?” she asks him, and they go for a walk to chat some more. Our Bachelor admits that the other two women also said they were in love with him but swears he didn’t know who he was sending home until he heard affirmations from all three women. Ben wants Caila to know that their relationship was important to him.

This may be one of the most civilized-but-could-easily-have-gone-really-bad breakups of a second runner-up in Bachelor history. The bar ain’t that high.

Back in the SUV, Caila is really crying now and confesses to thinking she was going to be engaged soon and claims she “was ready” to start a life with Ben. “I thought this was it.”

Ben is gutted at sending Caila home but knows that he just had way stronger feelings for Lauren and JoJo. Chris Harrison greets JoJo and Lauren, separately, heading into the rose ceremony. They quickly realize that Caila isn’t coming, which Ben confirms. “I’m more confident in this than I’ve ever been,” he tells his final two and then there’s a super weird group hug full of uncomfortable laughter. With each woman secure in the warm cocoon of Ben’s love confession, they both strive to feign coolness yet each wonders if Ben has told the other woman that he loves her too.

We’ll have to wait two weeks to find out who Ben chooses because next week is the ‘Women Tell All’ special which will likely turn into an “everyone hates Olivia” fest. Can’t wait.

Thanks for reading!



Recap: The Bachelor – Week Eight

Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on episode 8 of The Bachelor with Ben Higgins (original air date: Monday, February 22, 2016).


Bachelor Ben Higgins. Photo source:

Welcome to hometown week, rose lovers! Ben is sitting on a rock, pants rolled up (wait, no, those are capris and I’m dying) watching the waves crash in Orange County. Pretty, slightly cartoon-voiced single mom Amanda runs towards him on the beach wearing very short shorts and some weird fabric pieces that I guess are supposed to equal a shirt?


What is this shirt Amanda? Photo source:

Her two little girls meet her on the beach for a sweet family reunion complete with pigtails, and the older one is all “where’s Ben?” and it’s cuter than a basket of puppies. The girls mostly ignore Ben and play in the sand and then they bond over sand sculptures and chase him around and then chase some birds. Things get real when the kids get fussy in the car ride home and they arrive at Amanda’s parents’ house looking slightly weary. Her folks seem very warm and welcoming but dad notes that Ben is a bit “deer in the headlights.” I think that’s just his face. Ben often looks like he’s trying to remember where he parked his car. When Ben sits down with Amanda’s mom for a chat he admits he hadn’t thought about an insta-family going into the Bachelor process but surprised himself by being totally open to it. Mom feels that Ben is quite mature but also says it’s too early to tell. Amanda’s dad points out that there’s a big difference between thinking about having kids and actually having kids. “If she’s happy, I’m happy,” he concludes. Later they read a Bachelor-themed goodnight story to the girls and part ways with a kiss. Amanda is now certain that she’s in love with Ben.

The next hometown date is in Portland with Lauren.‎ She’s wearing Portland-requisition plaid and brings him to some food trucks for lunch all boyfriend-girlfriend styles. Next stop is a whiskey library (THIS IS A THING!!?!!) which Ben loves. Ben confesses that he worried Lauren would bail on the show a few weeks back and she’s all ‘of course not!’ Lauren is in love with Ben but hasn’t told him yet. She’s waiting ’til after the fam jam. They arrive at Lauren’s family home where everyone is attractive and thrilled to see “LoLo.” Her sister is the first to grill Ben and is understandably skeptical. “What makes her stand out to you?” she wants to know, making Ben cry (points!) because he feels “so lucky” to have met Lauren. When the sisters gab it up we learn that Lauren hasn’t “been single for that long” but that she feels she was “meant to meet Ben” and is fairly certain that he is her person. They hug it out, wine glasses in hand (and don’t spill a drop!) and this is the first time in my life I wish I had a sister. Ben reveals to Lauren’s dad that the first time he saw her “the world stopped” but dad points out that although he felt the same way the first time he saw Lauren’s mom, they dated for a long time before getting married. Lauren describes Ben to her dad as super likable and he reminds her that she’s one of four women left. With this weighing on her, Lauren opts not tell Ben she loves him when they say their goodbyes.

Caila’s hometown date takes place in Iowa or Idaho or something like that and Ben describes their relationship as being on “the precipice.” Caila wants today to be a “fresh start” for them after some confusion on their last one-on-one in the Bahamas. They walk hand-in-hand looking like the couple that comes in the picture frame and eventually settle on a park bench to make out. ‎Caila can see a future with Ben, and brings him to a toy factory where they build their dream home out of plastic. Fun fact: her dad is the CEO of the company. In her crop sweater and hard hat, Ben never thought he would find a toy factory “so sexy” (which is a relief). To be honest, I had forgotten Caila was still in this but this date is great so far. He carries her through the factory while people clap awkwardly. Later, sitting in front of what looks like a delicious Filipino family dinner, Caila’s dad asks Ben what all the “microwave dating” feels like and describes his own marriage as “magical.” But before they can eat, mom Rosanna (totally pulling off adult braces) pulls Ben away. WHY DO YOU NEVER LET PEOPLE EAT ON THIS SHOW, BACHELOR PRODUCERS? Ben describes her as joyful and sweet and bubbly and appreciates that Caila has been real with him instead of just saying “the right things.” Mom says that Caila has very high standards and doesn’t take any moments for granted. She says this part very seriously as if Caila has been involved in a high number of life-or-death scenarios. Caila, meanwhile, tells her dad that Ben is what she’s been looking for and she thinks “this is it.” Mom encourages her to tell Ben how she feels about him. “Jump on him and tell him!” she giggles, but Caila doesn’t. Ben is 0/3 on the “I love you’s” this week.

In Dallas, Texas, JoJo arrives at her apartment to find a bouquet of roses and card but they aren’t from Ben they are from her ex-boyfriend Chad. “No, I don’t want to read this,” she exclaims, dropping the card mid-sentence as if it’s on fire and pacing in her apartment in tears. She calls this Chad and puts him on speaker which seems an odd thing to do given that she could barely bring himself to read his letter. Chad claims it has taken this time apart to figure out what he wants (spoiler: it’s JoJo) which is just such a Chad thing to say. “Now you’re doing this?” she wails as Ben walks towards her front door and we hear Chad say “I don’t want to lose you.” D-R-A-M-A. I hope Chad is into getting dumped on TV. Cut to JoJo hanging up the phone and Ben knocking on the door. He can tell something is up because JoJo has obviously been crying and she tells him what’s what and fills in some details on what we didn’t see which was that JoJo put an end to things on the phone and told Chad he could shove it because this is the happiest she’s ever been. Both of them toss around the word “confident” and they kiss a bunch and I guess this is their day date (what a rip off!) because they head straight into the meet the family stuff. “Tonight I could potentially be meeting my future in-laws,” Ben says.

JoJo’s jacked brothers look like they would play cops or firefighters or handsome mobsters on TV.


JoJo’s brothers – intimidating hot one and the other one who looks like he could be her dad

Ben tells her family that he has felt super comfortable around JoJo since the moment he met her and adds that he would be open to moving out of Denver for a relationship. The brothers corner him and Ben can really only say that she’s incredible and means a lot to him. JoJo gushes to her mom that she’s falling in love with Ben but is terrified to get hurt. Mom’s advice is to go 150% which, yeah, is not a thing but it’s a cute moment. “You’ve only been on two dates with the guy,” older brother reiterates, and suggests she keeps her “heart guarded.” JoJo is worried that unless she let’s herself be vulnerable and open it won’t work out, and the brothers aren’t sure that Ben is as emotionally invested in her as she is. They confront him directly en masse while mom drinks straight out of the bottle in the background. True story.


I see you JoJo’s mom. Respect.

“I don’t want to hurt her,” Ben assures them but older brother is like a dog with a bone, adding that he knows Ben has “probably been coached” on what to say but he is worried that JoJo is way more emotional then they are comfortable seeing. Ben holds his own and dad and mom seem to be on his side. Where are they locking up JoJo through all this??? As they say their goodbyes JoJo is supercurious as to what her family said to him and Ben sums it up with basically: mom and dad were cool but your brothers thought I had a poker face on. Ben leaves Dallas confused and JoJo is worried he felt ambushed. 0/4.

SIDENOTE: You guys, the internet has found Chad and his face totally matches his name. I am too lazy to post a link so just google it.

It’s rose ceremony night and whoever gets sent home can at least blame their family for ruining all of their happiness because things were great until then, right? Ben acknowledges that hometowns were harder than he thought. The first rose goes to Lauren and the second to Caila. It’s down to mom Amanda or Jojo. Ultimately, JoJo gets the last rose of the night.

Amanda wishes Ben would have cut things off during hometowns instead of at a rose ceremony but he claims he wasn’t sure of his feelings until that night. Amanda tells him she will miss him and they have a long hug goodbye. I wouldn’t be surprised if we start hearing choruses of ‘Amanda for Bachelorette.’ “I do think he’s a great guy,” she cries in the Sad Gal Limo™ while back in the driveway Ben is doing some crying of his own. He breaks down saying he, like, can’t even right now because it means so much that Amanda trusted him to meet her daughters and he cared about her so much.

And that’s it for hometown week! I’m staying off Twitter because no doubt everyone is yelling at Ben for dumping Amanda but ultimately they really just didn’t have as strong a connection. Caila is the wildcard here, but unless something goes really wonky between Ben and JoJo next week it’s JoJo and Lauren for final two I think.

Hit me up in the comments with your thoughts on this episode, and join me here next week for my recap of the overnights! We’re down to three women!


Recap: The Bachelor – Week Seven

Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on episode 7 of The Bachelor with Ben Higgins (original air date: Monday, February 15, 2016).


The Bachelor Ben Higgins. Photo source:

Hola rose lovers. Sorry I am so late with this post but as I mentioned in my recap last week I was in El Salvador for a wedding and apparently to eat an asston of pupusas.

So we kick off this week in Ben’s home town of Yawnsville, Indiana or wherever. Ben meets up with his parents at a diner and tells them he’s down to six ladies and mentions like seven times that he was just in the Bahamas. Meanwhile, the women are strolling the town and pointing out buildings, looking like an ad for skinny jeans and throwing leaves at eachother.

Ben gives his parents a rundown of all the women and it’s clear that JoJo, Lauren and Amanda are frontrunners. He picks up the women in a boat and they talk about how the town is “too cute” and a great place to make babies.

This is a big week because hometowns are coming up. Ben announces that Lauren has 30 minutes to get ready for the first one-on-one date of the week, leaving Becca and JoJo feeling a little gutted.

On their date, Ben drives Lauren around in a truck and points out his school and church and where he had his first kiss and he gives her lots of love gazes. It’s obvious that he really, really likes her. They wind up at the local youth club where Ben worked for four years. That face AND he worked with kids? This guy must have just slayed ass back in the day. There’s a cute moment with Ronnie “the half court kid” and then Ben and Lauren have to kiss in front of everyone. Since most of their kissing is pretty PG looking, this is barely awkward. Then some players from the Indiana Pacers show up and everyone loses their damn minds. Everyone loves Lauren and wants to know if she loves Ben. A sad kid cries and Ben cheers him up, handsomely. Consequently, Lauren provides a bunch of soundbites about Ben being great with kids and he’d make a great dad, etc.

The remaining women are waiting for a date card and Becca is all “one-on-ones are better than group dates.” Yeah, duh.‎ This episode is setting up for either Emily or Becca to go home, I think. Possibly Caila.

Later on their date Lauren brings up the awkwardness in the Bahamas and he tells her he doesn’t want to be blindsided and Lauren counters that she felt defenseless against now departed Leah’s bullshit accusations that Lauren wasn’t being her real self around Ben.‎ He assures her that they are in a good place and it’s all good again. “You make me sooooo happy Ben,” she tells him. Then they hit the town for some drinks with Ben’s friends and Lauren announces in her private interview that she’s in love.

The next day JoJo is attempting to shed off her slight Lauren jealousy and have tunnel vision‎ when it comes to her relationship with Ben. They have great chemistry and an easy vibe. She meets him in Chicago and they go to Wrigley Field because Ben loves the Cubs so all this swelling, majestic music plays while they walk around and then put on Mr and Mrs Higgins jerseys and mess around on the field. He makes it to third base but it`s the sports kind, not the fun kind. They lay down on the field and Ben says that he feels more himself around JoJo than the other women.

The group date card arrives and it’s for Caila, Becca and Amanda so Emily cries a bunch because she gets the last solo date of the week. Becca confesses she feels more strongly for Ben at this point then she did going all the way to final two with Chris Soules.

For some reason we return to Wrigley Field where a dinner no one will eat is set up. Ben feels like she holds back a little and JoJo admits she feels scared‎ (rightly so) but says she cares about Ben a lot and can see a life with him. “My heart is ready to give to you,” she tells him.

On the group date the women meet Ben at a farm and Caila and Ben get some alone time on a row boat. They head into a barn decorated straight out of a Pinterest board and Ben says this is all getting “very personal.” Amanda is so excited to see her kids next week and hasn’t introduced any guy she’s dated to them. Ben looks forward to seeing her in mom mode. Becca kicks off their alone time telling Ben she’s been stressed for the past two weeks and tells him she likes him so much it freaks her out. Ben avoids any major eye contact and the whole interaction feels kinda off. Becca is not used to bein‎g in a vulnerable position, and mumbles “please don’t blindside me,” to Ben. Yeah, she is so getting sent home this week. Caila talks about how she doesn’t have the same hometown roots and “community” as Ben because she moved around a lot as a kid. He wonders if she could settle down in one spot and she compares herself to moss or something. I got bored and stopped listening. The group date rose goes to single mom Amanda, meaning she will definitely be getting a hometown date and will also spend the rest of the day alone with Ben. Becca and Caila are left to themselves in the barn and Becca starts to unravel.

The two group date rejectees skulk back to the hotel where JoJo wonders how Ben can give Amanda “that much validation,” because she also got the group date rose last week. Becca cries some more and house mom JoJo consoles her.

On their now one-on-one date, the couple head to McDonald’s where the cashier tells Amanda she’s beautiful and they order breakfast at night because you can do that now and then they take drive-through orders. It’s all pretty cute and then they do a lady and the tramp thing with a french fry which is literally a recurring dream I have where Ryan Reynolds is on the other side of the french fry‎ and then teaches me how to use my phone because #romance.

Lastly they make their way to a county fair and Ben wins Amanda a stuffed donut and they brave a ride that was “put together in a day” and Ben pretends not to panic and Amanda thinks she is “very close to falling in love with Ben.”

Emily and Ben embark on their first one-on-one date and she’s bubbly and cute and is learning about swans. As Becca predicts, he brings her home to meet his parents but Caila sees Emily as a “bright-eyed puppy” who doesn’t pose much of a threat to the other women. “Talking to people can be a hard thing for me,” Emily says, apparently lying. She talks Ben’s mom’s ear off and mom’s verdict is: nice but young. Dad is a fan of Emily because she’s a “very nice young lady” (emphasis on young) and he`s not headless. Ben talks about how Emily blossomed after Haley went home.‎ When they chat alone she tells Ben`s dad she hates vegetables and would love to watch movies all day. Mom tears up telling Ben she worries about Emily’s ability to deal with some of the more serious parts of life. Basically she begs him not to pick Emily with her eyes. In his private interview Ben says he really likes Emily but wonders if she’s ready to be a wife. They head back to the house and upon arriving Ben is all ‘you’re amazing’ but tells Emily he can’t picture her being his wife. He tears up telling her he doesn’t see them going to the next step. Emily handles herself quite well, saying “I see it and it sucks that you can’t.” He tells her she’s incredible and tucks her hair behind her ear and they hug goodbye. P.S. The other women see this happening because they are staying in a house that is basically made of windows.

Emily confirms that Ben is sending her home while the other women pretend to be sad for her.‎ Emily is shocked but calls her time with Ben a “blessing,” wonders “why not me?” and adds that whoever ends up with Ben is “a very lucky girl.” Total class this girl. I didn’t think I’d be a fan but I have seen nothing but sweetness from Emily. The upside is she can go back to twinning it up with Haley and work on that dream of being a Broncos cheerleader.

On the night of the rose ceremony, Ben bros down with host Chris ‎Harrison and is all “I don’t know what I’m going to do bro.” It’s pretty obvious that Caila and Becca are on the chopping block tonight. After the last rose is handed out, Becca is the one sent home in the Sad Gal Limo™. She will remain single for approximately 6 days before being wifed up by some handsome investment banker named, like, Thad or something.

“Why did you do that” she asks him and sighs a lot. Ben and Becca sit down where she is teary and reminds Ben she asked him not to blindside her. In the limo, Becca cries about putting herself in this position and wanting someone who loves her back while Ben sits sadly on a bench.

Next week: hometowns! Looks like this season’s crazy family is JoJo’s. I’ll be posting my recap Tuesday morning. Thanks for reading!