Bits & Pieces

20 04 2012

Yo,

The phrase TGIF used to enrage me in my pre-career days. Now, I totally get it. I’ve just eaten like a pound of Swedish berries and I’m on coffee #3. It’s not even noon and I’ve already given up on any semblance of social graces. The next person to annoy me will definitely get some high quality side eye [insert dramatic sigh here].

Anyhoodle, here are some bits and pieces that made my week (slightly more bearable):

  • Sometimes I worry I’m just one bad day away from being one of those people who’s, like, really into World of Warcraft. Like these two winners. Ok, I’m just being mean. They’re kind of adorable.
  • Girls, a new HBO show, debuted last weekend. I watched it. I liked it. If I had to say something negative, I’d say I found it a teensy bit self-indulgent. But I’ll give it another few episodes before I make a decision on whether or not it joins my elite TV downloading roster featuring such critically acclaimed gems like Long Island Medium and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Ha.
  • On getting a tattoo while still in your teens. I got my first one (illegally) at 16. And I still love it. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I have no regrets. My advice would be: make sure it’s something timeless and very personal to you. And don’t get it somewhere where you’re likely to experience major weight fluctuations (ass, stomach, boobage). Just sayin’.
  • I absolutely love this article about travelling with a friend. I’m so lucky that MM and I have the exact same travel style and have been travelling together happily for almost a decade.  Being superfriends does not necessarily mean you’ll make good travel buddies, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing nor an indication that there’s something wrong with the friendship. One of my favourite travel memories with MM is being in Paris and both of us kind of hating it but not wanting to really say it in case the other was loving it, and we just kind of stopped in our tracks after some incident (gross guy saying something pervy or some pile of street garbage or whatever) and looked at each other and kind of shouted into each other’s mouths “I HATE PARIS!” “ME TOO!”. Good times. Also, I made MM wait in line for over an hour to eat at a particular (and honestly underwhelming) pizza place in Brooklyn last summer, so I owe her one on our next trip.

Have a great weekend folks!





Discounts

4 06 2011

So I have this theory about discounts and public transportation, specifically in connection with the TTC (Toronto Transit Commission), and I feel that I am qualified to make this statement because I take the subway more than anyone else in the whole world. Okay, maybe not, but I use it a lot. I ride the subway like it’s my job. I also feel qualified, as I have survived and successfully navigated (by proxy of M who does the actual navigating, but I like to think I supervise and encourage) the Manhattan subway network (or hell on earth, as it may be).

So here it is (are you sitting down, strapped in, pleasently drunk?):

My theory is that the TTC (or your local transport system of subways, streetcars, friendly camels and buses) provides discounts to uggos, trolls, mutants, and people who like to dress in the spirit of the Insane Clown Posse.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, ‘Someone had a bowl of Carnation Instant Bitch for breakfast!’

And, well, you’d be right.

But seriously now – look around. On my worst day, hair uncombed, beer breath, missing shoe, returning from some random shindig at 6 a.m. on a Sunday, I still look and smell better than the majority of my fellow bus/subway riders.

Seriously, these people must be getting some sort of incentive to ride public transportation. Because they are the clear majority. And the smellier more chatty ones with dragon breath, and no apparent access to soap/shampoo/deoderent/toothpaste/manners  always, ALWAYS like to sit next to me. Or stand…how do I put this delicately…INSIDE ME. I may be pregnant right this minute as a result of an older gentleman with no boundaries and a real hard on for Cee-Lo.  There can be 30 empty seats or oodles of standing room, but no go. Perhaps they are hoping that my expensive perfume and coconut-lime scented hand lotion will rub off on them?

I’ve tried everything to dissuade the attention. I’ve faked a nervous tick. I mutter about my ‘overbearing parole officer who’s just so uptight’, and whisper “They’ll never find the body. I done hid him well” a million times, but to no avail.

I’m not saying only ugly people take the bus. What I’m saying is, if you’re ugly, YOU ARE ON THE BUS. And you’re sitting next to me.

Thanks, and don’t forget to tip your waitress.








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