In my early high school years I had a bit of a hard on for Days of Our Lives. Every day my bestie Amanda and I raced home from the mall after gorging ourselves on poutine and chicken fries to catch the 1 – 2 p.m Days epi.
It was our routine. Our religion.
In our zest to not miss a second, we often ended up being a bit early for the show. Lucky for us, the 12:30 – 1 time slot was taken up by a little known but well loved show called Out of this World.
Premise: Evie Garland is the daughter of Troy and Donna Garland. Troy, however, is an alien from the planet Anterias. As a benefit of her half-alien parentage, Evie develops three powers as the series progresses. She can pause and un-pause time, “gleep” objects into existence, and can transport herself from one place to another. Episodes usually revolve around Evie getting herself out of a situation that she has caused.
So Evie was played by super blonde and mildly flatulent (I presume) Maureen Flannigan. And admit it, you tried touching your index figures together to stop time too, didn’t you. You did. What follows is what I believe happened to Maureen Flannigan after the show went off the air in 1991 after four spunky seasons:
So Maureen finds herself without a job and without the actual ability to freeze time, despite her best attempts. She hooks up with that kid who played that kid in the E.T. movies, and together they begin a passionate love affair revolving around Indian takeout and shooting heroin into eachothers feet. In the mid 90s, she headed to Puerto Rico to make an art house (*cough* porn *cough*) film. While in Puerto Rico, she ditched the E.T. kid and took up with a local drug lord named Pedro. Pedro liked his woman to have a little junk in the trunk, as they say. He brought Maureen to a local plastic surgeon/town butcher who injected her ass with a fun filled combo of pig fat and coffee. Then things went downhill.
Scarred from her surgery and forced to file bankruptcy, Maureen fled to Waco Texas and found God in the form of bourbon and a diner job. To make extra cash, she blew truck drivers in the mens room of the nearby Piggly Wiggly grocery store. After a stint selling Avon and a bit part in a community theatre production of ‘Annie Get Your Gun,’, Maureen found employment selling jewellery at Target. Where she remains today. She just celebrated her 10 years at Target. There was cake.