Do You Spoonk?

14 04 2015

Last weekend I went to the Yoga Conference and Show in Toronto with a pal (yeah, I’m totally one of those people now) to check out the latest and greatest in yoga, natural health and general wellness. Within 30 minutes I had spent $100 on a spoonk mat, organic toothpaste and a salt pipe. True story.

The Spoonk mat has been on my radar for awhile. The mat is designed based on the principles of acupressure and Japanese Shiatsu massage. A few bloggers I follow swear by its benefits, which are said to range from decreased stress, anxiety and muscle pain to an increase in energy and better sleep. I had almost purchased it a bunch of times but was dissuaded by the cost, so when I saw it for $50 (it typically retails for around $65) I jumped on it. The makers of the Spoonk mat recommend 20-40 minutes a day of spoonking (I’m guessing that’s what it’s called).

I’ve been using mine while reading or watching TV on the couch, and occasionally I’ll put the mat down on the floor and place my feet on it for a bit. It’s recommended that one wear a thin t-shirt when laying on the mat, as the sensation can be quite intense, especially at first. I found standing on the mat barefoot to be too much, but placing my feet on the mat while in a seated position is quite enjoyable. I’ve also taken to rolling the mat under my neck when I want to focus just on some neck pain I’ve had on and off for a few years. While I’ve not used the mat long enough to know if it has any long-term benefits, I can say that after using it for a few days I’ve noticed reduced tension in my neck and it feels particularly great when I place my legs on the mat.  Just make sure not to make any sudden movements while laying or resting your arms or legs on the mat, as those spikes are super duper spikey and could tear your skin. As a note, the Spoonk mat should not be used by women who are pregnant. To all my pregnant pals out there I’ll spoonk for you while eating soft cheeses and sushi and drinking wine. I’m selfless that way ;)

Spoonk mat

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I also picked up a salt pipe, also known as a Himalayan Salt inhaler pipe. Salt pipes are touted as having healing properties that would particularly help people with allergies, asthma and other respiratory and throat/lung issues, and many people swear by their ability to cut down on the severity and length of a cold and cough. While I don’t suffer from severe allergies, over the past few years I’ve noticed that I get mild to moderate allergy-like symptoms during the summer months that are on par with what I’ve witnessed in friends with hay fever allergies. I get the whole itchy palate, stuffed noise, itchy/watery eyes deal. Oh and salt pipes are supposed to help with snoring too.

The way to use a salt pipe is to breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose. The nose part is essential, because breathing out through your mouth into the pipe will render the salt moist which reduces it’s healing properties. The people I bought this from emphasized the importance of drinking a lot of water after using the salt pipe. And yes, it does taste a bit like salt but it’s not strong. Overall it’s a pleasant experience.

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If anyone has used either the Spoonk mat or a salt pipe I’m super curious to know your thoughts. Hit me up in the comments!

 





Bits & Pieces

2 04 2015

Happy Thursday!

Wishing you and your loved ones a joyful long Easter weekend full of chocolate and family time. This weekend I’m celebrating a lovely friend’s birthday with tacos and tequila. I’m also planning on doing an asston of yoga and catching up on laundry and sleep!

Here are some bits and pieces that made my week:

  • I think (hope, pray) that we’ve seen the last of the snow here in Toronto, but this is kind of cool I’ll admit.
  • Lemon, lemon, lemon. I’m obsessed with lemon. I drink lemon water every morning and before bed and almost wept with joy when I watched the man at my favourite lunch salad place layer squeezed lemon juice onto my falafel salad. Lemon on everything!
  • A song for your weekend.

xo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 





Welcome to My Life NatureBox

31 03 2015

I’m a snacker. I would choose pita and hummus over a proper dinner any night of the week. I also don’t love to cook, nor do I actually like eating hot food at night (weird, right?), so I’ve always been a snacker. I eat more during the day and at night I tend to graze, but over the past few years I’ve found myself drawn to the same snacks – some healthy, some not. I almost lost my mind a few weeks ago when No Frills had goldfish crackers on sale for $1 a bag. I bought 12 bags. No joke. And I can easily down an entire bag for dinner. I also learned in 2013 after visiting a naturopath that I had a rather severe sensitivity to corn syrup and corn-based products in general. And it turns out that corn syrup is in everything. Seriously. Its the herpes of snack-food ingredients.

It was obvious that I needed a smarter snacking plan.

Last summer I looked into a healthy snack delivery service called NatureBox. At the time, they were still in beta testing for Canadian customers, and we didn’t yet have the option to ‘customize’ our box. I checked back in a few weeks ago and was delighted to learn that the customizing abilities for Canada were up and running. I promptly ordered the free trial, paying just shipping and handling for four snack-sized items and one full-sized item, selected by NatureBox.

After I placed my free trial order, I went ahead and signed up for the monthly subscription of five full-sized snacks. The cost works out to be just under $30 Canadian per month. Seems like a lot, but when I consider what I spend a month on snacks anyways, the benefits outweigh the (slightly) higher price tag. After completing a quick survey to review my snacking preferences (this is where you can indicate any dietary requirements or restrictions such as vegan, gluten-free or dairy-free),  I began to load up my ‘Pantry’ with healthy fun snacks, the first five of which would be included in my first box.  These are customizable, and you can go in any time and select items from your pantry to include in your next order with an easy-to-use drag and drop tool. I’m obsessed with my pantry. Despite the aforementioned corn sensitivity, I did include some products that are popcorn-ish, and will cross my fingers that the sensitivity really is more syrup-based than kernel based.

Highlights of NatureBox products (according to the company) include:

  • No high-fructose corn syrup (yay!)
  • No hydrogenated oils
  • No artificial anything, including colours, sweeteners and flavours
  • No added sulfites
  • Yes to high-quality, nutritious ingredients
  • Yes to thoughtful sourcing

Just a few days after I placed my free trial order, I received my first NatureBox. It consisted of snack-sized packages of a fruit snack, cashews, pop pops (the popcorn-like product), almonds and a full-sized bag of dessert-y chocolate ‘nom noms’.

NatureBox Trial 003            NatureBox Trial 002            NatureBox Trial 001

The first snack I tried was the cranberry medley which was pomegranate and acai-flavoured dried cranberries with blueberries. These were sweet and tasty with no lingering aftertaste that I find common in fruity snacks (likely caused by corn syrup). Thumbs up.

The second snack I ate were the jalapeno cashews. These were my favourite. Satisfying and definitely spicy. I would order these over and over.

Next up I had the parmesan garlic  pop pops. Pop pops are basically half-popped popcorn kernels. They were certainly garlicky and parmesan-y (more garlicky) but I found the flavours a bit overwhelming and they hurt my retainer. To be honest, I shouldn’t have been eating popcorn anyways! But they came in the trial and I was curious.

I tried a few of the dark cocoa nom noms and gave the rest of the bag away to a friend. They were moist and reminded me a bit of coconut macaroons. On a morning after that friend had slept over and we were heading for brunch, just one nom nom was enough to ease the hangover-related hunger pangs. Overall I don’t love chocolate, and I’ve heard great things about the peanut butter version of these. Not my favourite, but they were fine.

My last snack was the garden tomato crunchies. These were almonds with a ‘tomato spice.’ Delicious! The spice tasted more like BBQ than tomato, which worked for me.

Overall I was very satisfied with the snacks, and am looking forward to my first proper order with all full-sized bags. I’ll post a review when I get through those.

Note: This post is not sponsored. I am paying for my NatureBox subscription out of my own pocket. Speaking of pockets, my pockets were –  until I decided to try and make better snack choices – typically filled with the aforementioned goldfish crackers. I’ve been casually referring to pockets as CrackerPockets™ for years. Because that was the only thing I ever used my pockets for – a vehicle/storage centre for crackers. And then my friend told his niece that pockets were for crackers and now her mom probably hates me on laundry days. So really I’m doing this to save the pockets of small children from staining due to cheese dust (and also saving my denim jacket in the process). I’m practically a saint.

 





Monica Lewinsky: The Price of Shame

23 03 2015

This TED Talk from Monica Lewinsky has been making the rounds on the internet for the past week week. A friend sent me the link, and initially I thought I wouldn’t be interested, but I found myself completely captivated by Monica’s speech. She is extremely well-spoken and personable while talking about public shaming, scandal, and her infamous affair with then-US President Bill Clinton which made international headlines, saying: “At the age of 22, I fell in love with my boss. At the age of 24, I learned the devastating consequences.” Monica urges viewers to return to the values of compassion and empathy, and touches on the suicide of Tyler Clementi.

Monica Lewinsky: The price of shame





Documentary: Being Mortal

18 03 2015

I recently watched a powerful documentary called ‘Being Mortal.’ To be honest, it took me over five tries to get through it.

Something I’ve not discussed on this blog before is that my father passed away from cancer in 2011. He was my best friend. In the weeks leading up to my dad’s death, I thought a lot about how people confront the end of their lives, and about how medical professionals address death both from a physical and emotional perspective.

When I was in high school I briefly considered pursuing a career as a doctor. The thing that stopped me (aside from all the science classes, not gonna lie) was that I didn’t think I would be able to look someone in the eye and tell them that their mother/father/daughter/son/husband/wife had died. And having to tell someone that they were dying? At 16 – and even today at 32 – that was not a conversation I could picture myself having. I can’t imagine being the bearer of that kind of bad news.

When you think about it, doctors aren’t trained for these kinds of ‘end of life’ conversations. They’re trained to diagnose. They’re trained to manage pain. They’re trained in the latest surgical procedures. They want to give hope but they don’t want to give false hope. What a delicate balance that must be. How difficult it must be to navigate the emotional issues of death, while trying to address the medical ones. How challenging it must be to prepare a terminally ill person for death.

I didn’t have a lot of interaction with doctors when my dad was in the hospital. I did, however, have a lot of contact with the nurses. I will be forever grateful to the nurses who looked after my dad in his last days. I am grateful for the cans of gingerale they brought me. I am grateful for the extra pillows they offered me when I spent the night sleeping on a couch next to my dad’s room. I am grateful for their soothing voices and explanations and ‘here’s what’s going to happen next,’ because they knew I was scared. I am grateful that even though they see people die every day, they never made me feel like my dad was just another patient. After his diagnosis, my father told me he wasn’t afraid to die. I tried not to be afraid that he was dying, but I didn’t succeed. These seemingly small gestures from those nurses made all the difference, reducing a bit of that fear so that I could focus on being with my dad in his final days.

When I think about what it took my mother to get through those weeks, I am in awe of her strength. When I think about the equally difficult tasks she faced after my dad’s death – practical matters like insurance and bills and papers and such, as well as having to go through his belongings – I can barely comprehend how challenging that must have been. To deal with those annoyances and aggravations while grieving the loss of her soul mate and partner seems like it would have been impossible to get through.

I watched my father die. I was holding his left hand when he took his last breath. My mom was there too, holding on to his right hand. We spoke softly to him and told him how much we loved him and that it was okay to let go. In those moments I was never more aware of the fact that we are all mortal.

If you have 54 minutes to spare, I highly recommend watching this video. It’s difficult but powerful. Link below.

Documentary – Being Mortal





Vocal Fry

12 03 2015

The other day I got into a conversation with my office mate about vocal fry. Except I didn’t know at the time that it was called vocal fry. I’ve been referring to it as “that way teenage girls talk now” for the last few years. I was ranting about a group of young girls that were chatting in my gym’s locker room the day before. I found their voices so grating that I actually moved to a different locker as far away as I could get. It was a real “I’m too old for this shit” moment. A few days later I happened to be listening to a This American Life podcast where vocal fry was mentioned, and I finally had a name to put to a voice, so to speak.

A good friend of mine had a roommate a few years back who was the worst offender of vocal fry I’ve ever met. I was having a conversation with her once where she ended a story with the phrase “I was devastated.” With her vocal fry in full effect, these three words stretched out for way longer than necessary. It sounded like: “I was devastaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaated.”  Without hesitation I mimicked her vocal fry and responded “yeah, you sound devastaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaated.” My stomach lurched when I realized what I’d just done. You see, my fiends and I used to imitate this girl’s voice in private, but I had accidentally let my impersonation slip.  Oops! Luckily it wasn’t my spot-on impression of her (presumed) sex voice, but still! Yeah, we did that.

Vocal fry isn’t new. When I was in high school it was referred to as ‘valley girl’ talk. It’s not the same as up-talking, nor is it the same problem as the chronic overuse of the word ‘like.’  I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t lapsed into vocal fry a few times. There’s something so easy about it. Like the vocal equivalent of a sedative washed down with a glass of merlot. And it’s what everyone sounds like now. I hear it on the subway, at the grocery store and on TV. The Kardashian family, in particular, are known for their vocal fry; in fact, they are frequently cited as not only the biggest abusers of vocal fry, but the source of its increased popularity.

Vocal fry is so prevalent, I suspect that in ten years from now it will be the norm. Can you imagine going to a doctor who speaks with vocal fry? Delivering your baby with the assistance of a vocally fried nurse who tells you “push haaaaaaaaaaaarder.” I can’t even.

 

 

 





RECAP: The Bachelor (Chris) – Finale and After the Final Rose

10 03 2015

Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on the finale episode of Chris Soules’ season of The Bachelor (original air date: Monday, March 9, 2015).

“After all the tears, after all the heartbreak…it all comes down to just two women: Whitney and Becca,” host Chris Harrison announces, kicking off the live finale event of The Bachelor. With a packed studio audience on the edge of their seats with lips glossed and stilettos cutting off circulation, it’s time to find out who Bachelor Chris Soules chooses. Will it be Becca, the hottie who’s never been in love nor penetrated? Or Whitney, the perky fertility nurse with a cartoon voice who is ready to get married and have a million of Chris’ babies, like, now.

Chris is back home in teeny tiny Arlington, Iowa, hanging out with his parents and sisters who he kind of never shuts up about. I guess when you live in such a dustbowl of a community, your family are basically your entire social network. “Just tell me which one to pick,” he half-begs.

Whitney arrives in Arlington armed with wine and flowers. “I just want you to know how much I love you,” she tells Chris before heading inside. “Gosh darn am I freaking nervous,” she admits in her voice over. First impressions are super positive, and she makes nice with the kiddies lounging about and family members above the age of 5 too. Whitney blends, seeming like part of the family already. Since their wedding crashing date, her and Chris have just seemed like a natural fit. Whitney talks and talks and talks and gushes about how in love she is and how excited she is to meet everyone. The sisters are smitten with Whitney, and when they pull her aside to chat their number one concern is about Whitney possibly re-locating to Iowa. “Love is the most important,” she assures them. When Whitney tells the sisters that she “can’t wait to call someone mom and dad again,” you can almost hear them planning their coordinated bridesmaids dresses for a Chris-Whitney union. It’s unanimous: the sisters love Whitney, even saying “there’s something about you…”

Later, Chris’s sisters ask him about Becca, as in ‘Whitney is totally the one, right? Becca can’t be better than Whitney!’ “There’s a certain chemistry I have with (Becca),” Chris insists. “He can’t articulate what he loves about her yet,” one of the sisters comments. Sounds like he’s still quite torn between the virgin and the non-virgin.

Whitney tells Chris’s mom that he makes her happy from the bottom of her soul (her words, not mine). “I lost my mom ten years ago and I have been waiting to call someone mom,” Whitney gushes, tearing up. “I could take you and love you just like that,” says mom.

When Whitney and Chris say goodbye, she cries again and tells him she’s “counting down” until she can see him again. In her voice over Whitney says she feels confident that she’ll be the next Mrs. Soules. “This girl is perfect,” Chris says. But there’s still Becca.

Time to get a dude’s opinion. Chris gathers with the menfolk in either someone’s garage or the local hardware store. It’s rather difficult to distinguish. One of the men (possibly a brother-in-law, I stopped paying attention) points out that perhaps part of Chris’s attraction to Becca is that she’s “hard to get” and that has a tendency to be super appealing.

Whitney has set the bar high, and now the family are sitting around trying to convince themselves that they need to give someone other than Whitney a chance to wow them. “We’re going to start with a clean slate,” lies one of his sisters. Becca arrives with cookies (well-played, virgin). She gets a warm greeting from the fam and gushes about how quickly Chris bonded with her family. Becca talks about her impromptu road trip with three of the other women to Arlington and reveals how shocked she was by the realities of the itty-bitty town. The most in-your-face of Chris’s sisters (you can tell because she has the shortest hair) pulls Becca aside to discuss the “slow, steady build” of their relationship. “What do you see happening?” she presses Becca. Becca responds that she’s not going to move to Arlington unless she’s sure, sure, sure that they’re going to get married and that “he’s the one.” “That’s where I’m struggling,” she adds. One of the other sisters (Lori?) says in a private on-camera interview that Becca doesn’t seem as into Chris as Whitney is. Um, actually, she’s just expressing honest and LEGITIMATE concerns. They’ve dated for about 9 minutes. It’s completely acceptable for Becca to not be 100% in and ready to drop everything and uproot her entire life. And no one in the world has ever been as into Chris as Whitney is, to be fair. The sisters lay down the gauntlet: Becca is a risk. Whitney is a sure thing. It’s go-time here. Chris, meanwhile, holds out hope that Becca will come through and confess her undying love and devotion to him, or something. Becca tells Chris’s mom that she’s crazy about her son but not in love with him…yet. Maybe. His mom basically tries to convince Becca that she’s in love with Chris and just doesn’t “recognize it”, because everyone obviously sees how much he’s into her. And she kind of makes Becca cry; however, Becca is unwavering in her uncertainty, but she doesn’t say she doesn’t love Chris. Tricky. In her voice over, Becca states that she’s not ready to say yes to a proposal, but emphasizes that the idea of being without Chris forever seems scary to her. His dad chimes in and sums it up perfectly: “I think Whitney’s the sure thing, but I think Becca is who Chris wants.”

Hopefully he’ll be able to make up his mind after he gets to go on a final date with each of the women. First up is Becca, and Chris’s struggle is weighing heavily on his mind. “I hate the fact that I’m just not there yet,” Becca tells him, speaking about being in love. “Do you see yourself being with me?” Chris asks. “I’m so excited to be with you…I know there’s challenges in that,” Becca tells him. She adds that she’s not quite sure if she’s ready to pick up and move to Iowa. Their conversation gets a bit heated when Chris pushes her a bit on the moving/marriage/kids ‘timeline.’ “All I know right now is that I want you,” Becca says. But Chris wants to hear that she believes in them, and that’s just not something Becca seems to be able to express. “If we fell in love what would hold you back,” Chris presses her. Ultimately, Becca is worried about what she would do in Arlington. I presume she means job-wise but she adds that it’s really just about being there in general. More than anything, Becca is scared that she’ll move there and then find out that it’s not for her. But she says just enough to appease him for now, and Chris looks super relieved when Becca whispers “I can’t wait.” Will Becca’s tepid assurances be enough for Chris to pick her over “sure thing” Whitney? We watch Chris cry into his hands for a bit.

For his date with Whitney, the duo embark on a corn-picking adventure with Chris’s dad, and Whitney thinks that’s just awesome. Dad is obvi Team Whitney. Later they drink wine by the fireplace, where Chris toasts to “this week that we’ve had together.” Then it’s super boring for five minutes. After the sun has set on Iowa, Chris visits Whitney in her hotel room, where Whitney reveals she has been carrying around a framed photo of her and Chris from their first one-on-one date. There’s more wine, of course, and Whitney gushes about their “perfect” day together. Whitney is down with the “simple life” in Arlington, which Chris finds that charming. Whitney asks Chris if he has any final thoughts, and he asks her what about them makes her feel so certain. Whitney says stuff about feeling “comfortable” and knowing what he’s thinking just by looking in his eyes. “I am excited about you, about what we have,” Chris assures her.

And finally it’s the day we’ve all been waiting for. “The moment is here,” Chris announces solemnly. He stares longingly out his hotel room window for a bit, then later meets with jeweler Neil Lane to pick out the engagement ring. He suits up and heads to his barn for the main event, because nothing says ‘let’s get married or just engaged and then announce our break-up on the cover of US Weekly’ like livestock and hay bales. We’re meant to understand that Chris is still “so torn” that he may not pick either of the women. Snort.

Clearly the production staff got carte blanche to buy up everything at the nearest Anthropologie to pretty-up the barn a bit. There’s nary a surface not covered in a lamp or some jug or trinket. It’s decorated like something straight out of a Pinterest board. The first limo pulls up and Becca emerges, looking lovely in a red velvet(?) dress. As usual, Chris tells Becca that she looks amazing. After the deepest of breaths, Chris says that from the moment they met he has felt good being around her. “I know I can see you as being my wife…but you’re not really ready,” he says, shakily. “I have to go with my heart and my gut,” Chris adds, and that gut is saying she’s not ready. Never in the history of The Bachelor has a woman handled this moment with more poise and grace than Becca. “You are going to be an incredible husband,” she tells him. They hug goodbye and tell each other how amazing they think the other is and then Becca is heading home. While Chris stares at his tractor for awhile and then returns to his barn to cry it out, Becca is stoic in the reject limo. “I think I’m in a state of shock or something,” she says. “I could have seen him being someone that I could be with and marry…I just wasn’t there yet.”

Whitney pulls up to the farm, and is shaking like a leaf. “Holy cow,” she exclaims. She’s got that farm lingo down!‎ With a “good luck” from host Chris Harrison she heads in. “This is crazy,” Whitney starts, voice quavering. “I came here with an idea of who you were and I’ve never been disappointed…I love you so much, I really do.” After a lengthy pause Chris tells her that their wedding crashing date was one of the best days of his life. “There are so many things about you that I’m so excited about…it feels so perfect,” he tells her. After declaring his love for Whitney, Chris gets down on one knee and proposes. Whitney accepts with an enthusiastic “absolutely!” and they laugh and make out. Across Bachelor Nation, women are crying and their long-suffering boyfriends/husbands/multiple cats are thanking the gods that another season has finally come to an end.

We head straight into the ‘After the Final Rose’ special, and Chris Harrison isn’t pulling any punches. His first question to Chris is about being in love with Becca. Chris responds perfectly, saying there’s a lot to love about Becca but he always felt she was “slow to catch up” to his feelings during his Bachelor journey. “What if she had…said ‘I love you’. Would that have changed things?” asks Chris Harrison. Chris responds that there are a lot of ‘what if’s’ from the show’s run but emphasizes that Whitney really is the perfect person for him and he’s #notlookingback. We learn that Whitney has been watching the show, but only her dates. Chris also wants us to know that his attraction to Becca had nothing to do with her being a bit more ‘hard to get,’ so basically his brother-in-law or whoever that dude was in the garage/barn/Home Depot can suck it.

Becca is brought on stage and says that watching the finale back was much harder than she thought it would be. “That week coming back from Bali was the toughest seven days of my life,” Chris admits. He speaks to their “undeniable” chemistry right off the bat. “I feel like because of the honesty there…I had so much respect for you,” Becca responds. Chris admits he was “constantly pushing” her to see if there was something there. Becca confesses she’s never been in love and maybe it was crazy for her to come on the show. She “wanted so badly” to fall madly in love with Chris but just, frankly, didn’t feel it. Chris Harrison points out that Becca’s behaviour is unprecedented in the show’s history. Translation: you’re the least crazy, most realistic woman we’ve ever had on this show. Becca ends her segment saying she is now more open to falling in love.

Whitney comes out to join Chris on the couples couch and it’s the first time they have been together in public since filming ended. Chris Harrison does the obligatory ring show off. Chris and Whitney are kissy and cute and very obviously in love. When asked what he loves so much about Whitney, Chris says she is gorgeous on the inside and out and she reminded him of his sisters, whom he respects a shit ton. Whitney acknowledges that despite her confidence in their connection she never forgot that another great woman was left and she had definitely considered that Chris might end up choosing Becca. Whitney does address the fact that Chris was so conflicted in the days leading up to their engagement, but says they have discussed it and it’s all good. She reiterates that she did not watch the season in its entirety, just her dates with Chris. Chris Harrison brings up Arlington, and Whitney confirms it’s still her plan to move…eventually. We then see a clip of Chris’s parents coming to the barn after the proposal, and they are clearly thrilled he picked Whitney. “We’re gonna make some babies. They’re going to be friggin cute!” Whitney announces. Well, she is the fertility specialist after all. We learn that Whitney has been sneaking off to Arlington from Chicago for some clandestine visits, and it’s abundantly clear that she’s already bonded big time with his parents and sisters.

Later, Jimmy Kimmel joins the happy couple to talk about his experience on the show. He took on hosting gigs early in the season, with hilarious results. Jimmy asks if they’ve been making love regularly and they both confirm “as much as possible.” He presents them with a present; a cow named Juan Pablo (ha) for “that horrible farm you’re moving to.” More Kimmel in everything please. Thanks.

Finally it’s time for the announcement of who will be the next Bachelorette. Chris Harrison says they had a hard time deciding and were split down the middle between Britt and Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn gets the loudest applause. So here’s the twist we’ve been promised all week: the Bachelor producers have decided “not to decide,” and there will actually be two Bachelorettes! Unprecedented in the history of the show. Britt and Kaitlyn join Chris Harrison on stage, holding hands. Who knows how this will all shake out but I’ll certainly be watching! Because I can’t stop.

No, seriously, send help.

And wine.

In the meantime, I’ll start working on some threesome jokes because, yeah. At least for week one. It looks like we’ll start with two Bachelorettes and end up with one by the end of the first episode.

(drops microphone)

 








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