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Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on week seven of Andi Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette (original air date: Monday, June 30, 2014).
Welcome back and happy Canada Day! I’ve just returned from an extra-long weekend at the cottage, and I may still smell of bug spray, sunscreen and Palm Bays but I couldn’t wait to catch up on this week’s episode of The Bachelorette.
Andi and her dwindling man harem are in Brussels, Belgium this week. It’s Andi’s last week of “dating” before hometown dates, and the pressure is on!
“Dude, we’re in Brussels. This is sweet,” says someone probably horrible but I can’t remember who. Chris Harrison arrives at the bro-tel to talk to the dudes in their suite, and apparently he didn’t get the scarf memo: Chris, Marcus and Nick are all sporting complicatedly-knotted scarves. Chris Harrison announces that there will be two one-on-one dates and a group date this week, but throws the dudes a curveball: there will be no roses on the one-on-one date but there will be one on the group date.
The first date goes to Marcus. Total yawn face Chris is bummed and god is Dylan STILL on this show? Andi and Marcus set out, wandering the streets of Brussels and eating chocolate and taking selfies. They sit down over mussels (JEALOUS). Marcus starts talking about “looking back in his journal” and Andi interjects with “have you been journaling?” and I want to shout that IT’S NOT A VERB, but whatever. Marcus looks cute. She brings up the fact that Marcus mentioned last week that he thought about leaving the show, but apparently he only almost-bailed because he had too many feelings. Or something. He tosses in an “I’m in love with you” and Andi is “glad” he stayed, and gushes that Marcus is soooooo romantic.
Later that evening, Andi and Marcus reunite for more eating. She asks him who she would meet if they go to Marcus’ hometown. Marcus admits that his dad doesn’t really play a role in his family. He actually uses the term “abandonment issues” and between this and the journaling I’m smelling some major therapy debt. Andi and Marcus get really deep into family talk, and he reveals that his mother was quite brutal with him but that things are ok between them now. When Andi asks if there was an “a-ha moment” (we can forever thank Oprah for that one) I realize they might be perfect for each other. I’ve been taken aback by how forward Marcus has been with telling Andi he’s fallen for her, but it really does seem quite “natural” between these two and even seems like they’ve been dating for a long time. “There is no rose on today’s date, but I am excited and ready to meet his family.” Marcus feels like Andi is definitely the one for him, and has never felt this way about anyone else. Wow, these two are full-on.
Back at the hotel, the next date card arrives and it’s (shockingly) for Josh. I suspect this is more of a fact-finding mission for Andi than an indication of Josh as a front-runner. Nick just doesn’t stop talking and about half of it sounds condescending, and he’s either an actual sociopath or the producers are really trying to create the illusion of drama in a season that has been relatively drama-free. Nick was one of my early favourites but the last few episodes I’ve started to think that what I initially interpreted as shyness when it comes to him is perhaps arrogance mixed with a hint of snottiness. It irks Nick to no end that Marcus returns from his date in an obvious good mood. So he decides to douche it up a notch, calling the conversation about Marcus and Andi’s date “awkward”. He leaves the man suite and cons the front desk clerk into giving him the key to Andi’s room, calling her his “wife” and saying he lost his room key. And forgot his room number. This works.
Andi comes to the door and is visibly shocked to see Nick. She asks if anything is “wrong” and in his private on-camera interview Nick admits to liking how worried she seemed when he showed up at her door because maybe she thought he was taking off. So to reiterate, Nick finds it “comforting” that when he surprises Andi in her room she asks if he’s ok, because to him that translates to her being worried he could cut and run at any minute and show up in her hotel room to dump her on national television. Kind of gross, no? Luckily a camera crew is around for this impromptu date, where Andi and Nick chat and make out at a café. And then make out some more under a tree. The word that best describes their relationship, says Andi, is “passion.”
The next day Andi and Josh are in Ghent for their date. While their physical attraction to one another seems intact, something about Andi’s voice and demeanor is making me think she’s not as into Josh anymore. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he wouldn’t shut up about having to take a lie detector test on the last group date. She seems to struggle even to make eye contact with Josh when they talk about her potentially visiting his hometown next week. “I just wish Josh would be more open with his emotions,” Andi complains.
For the evening portion of their “fun” date, Andi brings her “strong feelings” for Josh to the table. He confesses to hating group dates, especially having to watch Andi talk to other guys. After complaining AGAIN about the lie detector test, Josh emphasizes that it’s not a “too good to be true” situation with them. “There’s a part of me that does think (that),” Andi tells him.
Josh tells Andi that she will love his family and then the magic words to Andi’s ears: “I am falling in love with you.” To her credit, Andi pretends to look shocked, but this was EXACTLY what she wanted to hear. Exactly. “Very comforting for me to know how you feel about it,” she purrs. More kissing under perfectly lit archways and the standard end-of-date live band, and Andi declares it a “perfect” date.
The group date card arrives for Nick, Dylan, Brian and Chris (obvi), saying ‘true love is sacred’. “I am excited to never have to do a group date again, ever,” moans Captain Obvious (Nick). Andi says it’s the “most important rose of the season,” and the boys get to work trying to earn it! The group date starts off with Andi’s man harem peddling her around the country side (where Dylan actually shows some personality), and the group end up at the Maredsous Monastery. They monastery has a strict no kissing policy on the grounds, but apparently it doesn’t apply to the pottery studio where Andi steals Chris away to re-enact Ghost. That leads to kissing and that “spark” that Andi first felt with him on their one-on-one date early on this season. The duo return to the rest of the group, and Andi reveals that the recipient of the date rose will continue on a mini one-on-one date that evening while the rejects will be sent back to the hotel to, presumably, try on more scarves.
Dylan tells Andi that if she visits his hometown she’ll meet his grandmother and his mom and that he has a fun day planned. There’s some tension between “fake” Nick and nervous Brian while they sit around waiting for Andi to return from some private time with Dylan. Brian is tired of hearing about Nick’s ‘strategy’ all the time and Nick’s over-confidence seems to be rubbing all the other men the wrong way.
When Andi and Brian sit down, he tells her that he “legitimately thinks he’s falling in love,” and Andi honestly seems more amused than flattered. When Brian says “I think I have a really good shot at this rose, I really do,” I guess immediately that the rose will go to Nick which it ultimately does. “I feel like she just told me she loves me,” Nick boasts. Andi bids adieu to Brian, Chris and Dylan who ride away and swear about Nick winning the group date.
Back at the hotel, it’s a group hate-on for Nick who has apparently ‘studied’ every season (!) and is a “salesman”. Marcus comments that he thinks Nick will be final two and then “walk away.” Whoa. The other dudes really throw shade on Nick. On their extended date, Nick and Andi giggle and kiss and talk parenting styles for the kids they don’t have and are treated to a fireworks show. “She just feels like my other half,” Nick gushes. And Andi clearly feels the same way, saying she sees the “possibility of him standing at the very end.”
When Nick returns to the bro-tel, his greeting is chilly to say the least. A suuuuper long silence, punctuated only by Josh fake coughing, finally ends with Brian saying “I’m not going to beat around the bush…” and then all the men chime in, calling Nick out on trying to mess with their heads. Nick admits to watching “every episode of Desiree’s season” but insists he simply has strong feelings for Andi, and she’s the priority, not “the game.” Chris pipes in that Nick “obsessively” talks more about strategy than Andi and even has brought up “who’s gonna be the next Bachelor?” Nick really doesn’t give a shit what the other dudes think, and I can’t say I blame him, really. He stares into the camera in his private interview and says “I’m pretty confident I’m going to end up with Andi.”
At the pre-rose ceremony COCKtail party, “everybody’s nervous” except for Nick of course, as his rose from the group date has secured his hometown date with Andi. “So much fewer chairs,” Dylan comments upon entering the sitting area. I think this might be the end of the road for Dylan, but who will be leaving with him? I would’ve thought Josh but he really turned things around on their date this week. So Brian maybe? Chris pulled a Patrick Swayze on the group date so that may buy him another week. Even Dylan knows he’s at risk of going home, and lumps Chris and Brian in with him. Marcus tells Andi he can’t wait to show her off, Josh says some crap too but I’m distracted by his ridiculously handsome face, and Chris tells Andi he’s fallen in love with her (too). Whoa Chris, really stepping it up! I had written him off a few episodes back but he’s looking like a strong contender for top three with Nick and Marcus. Dylan tells Andi he can “legit see” proposing to her in three weeks and she stares at the ground, and Brian gets maybe 8 seconds of Andi time before being interrupted by Nick and addressing him as “Nicholas” before skulking away. Andi seems a little thrown off by Nick’s interruption because – as she points out – he already has a rose. Little does she know that when Nick talks about bringing Andi home to meet his family he cries. CRIES! My brain and my lady bits go into battle over Nick. I think maybe my bits win.
Chris asks to speak to Andi privately once again, and walks her outside to make out with her, thus securing his rose at the ceremony. Rather predictably, Dylan and Brian are sent packing back to the US. Andi cries, Dylan cries (“I deserve to fall in love again”), and Brian tells her she “deserves the best.” And cries. He also says he will be “furious” if she doesn’t get the guy she deserves.
So that’s it for this week. Hometown dates are up next, and based on the sneak peak we saw it looks like shit’s about to get real.
Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on week six of Andi Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette (original air date: Monday, June 23, 2014).
Andi and her man harem are in “unbelievable” Venice this week. She’s riding on a gondola, staring off into the distance with her soul mate search game face on. There are eight dudes left y’all, and Andi has missed them terribly (but not Cody, because…it’s Cody). Andi reveals that the week’s first one-on-one will go to Nick. Cody is gutted, because he’s the only one of the remaining dudes not to have had a one-on-one with Andi. “It sucks,” he groans. Sorry bro. Andi realizes that picking Nick for a second one-on-one before taking Cody is not going to be a popular decision, but gosh darn Nick is just so cute and also she’s still a little unsure about him after his “salty” attitude on the group date last week.
The rejected men return to their hotel to lick their wounds and exclaim “NICE!” a billion times while taking in their hotel suite. Cody be trippin’ about not getting the date card, and lame face Chris makes attempts to comfort him on the patio.
Meanwhile, Andi and Nick are having a heck of a fun date, taking in the sites and strolling across bridges hand-in-hand. They pit stop for pizza then gelato and feed a flock of dirty diseased pigeons. I would lose my shit if a pigeon ever came that close to my face. Eventually they take the requisite Gondola Ride of Emotions™, and talk about the previous week’s weirdness and Nick’s alleged hostility towards Cody. He seems apologetic, and Andi appreciates him addressing it. Things seem much smoother between the two. “We’re back!”, Nick fist pumps.
Back at the Bro-tel, the group date card arrives for Josh, Brian, Dylan (ugh), Marcus, JJ and Chris. That means Cody’s getting his solo date after all! The men are all genuinely happy for Cody, who’s been nothing but nice but is clearly not a real contender for Andi’s heart.
On the evening portion of their date, Andi arrives on a gondola (yes, we get it, it’s Venice) wearing the shit out of a beautiful ball gown. She is greeted by Nick who’s ass looks amazing in a tux. Over a dinner that no one eats, Andi prods a bit more about why he was being maybe mean to Cody because Andi is more attracted to men who are liked by other men or something. “Do you think you’re a frontrunner?” she asks him point blank. “I don’t like the word…it’s hard to imagine anyone else ending up with you,” Nick states. “You’re my number one priority,” he adds. Andi gets a little dig in by saying “you thought you were going home, huh?”. Later, Nick tells her that “I can confidently say that I’m definitely falling in love.” Date rose? Check. They don masquerade ball masks and dance under the stars. Same old.
The next morning, a perky Andi receives yet another note from her ‘Secret Admirer.’ I watched the episode with my pal R who was all “is it Cody?” and I never stopped laughing. Doubt it.
It’s time for Andi’s group date, and Chris’s face is literally made of yawns. Her and her man posse enter a castle and marvel at the armour and weaponry. But alas, there will be no jousting for Andi’s heart today; instead, the men will be subject to a lie detector test. Chris confesses in his private on-camera interview that there’s something he’s been hiding and it will likely come out today. Is it that you seem kinda boring, Chris? Because one would have to be headless to not have picked up on that.
While milling about with the other dudes, Josh is all fake smiles and “how correct are these tests? I mean..really.” Um. Dude. May as well just announce that you’re a liar right now. Andi takes the test too, and claims that she’s “fallen in love.” Meanwhile, Josh continues to question the validity of lie detectors, so obviously he’s hiding something big like a third nipple or a secret family in Baltimore. JJ thinks he’s good in bed, and Marcus says he’s ready for marriage. Dylan admits to having slept with over 20 women (WHO ARE THESE WOMEN????) but also says he doesn’t always wash his hands after using the bathroom. Chris answers “yes” to the question “are you here for the right reasons,” and also admits to being Andi’s Secret Admirer. Whoa, didn’t see that one coming. Chris is suddenly like 7% more attractive to me, bringing him up to a respectable 8%.
Time for the results. You are…NOT THE FATHER. Wait, not that kind of results? Ok cool. Andi is told by the test administrators that there are definitely some liars in the bunch…but she’s one of them! The men read her results and it seems like she lied about Italy being her favourite country and about believing that all the men are there for the right reasons. Andi chooses to rip up the men’s results (amateur move) and Josh is all “that speaks volumes!” Translation: Josh is hugely fucking relieved.
During the evening portion of the group date, Brian takes Andi aside and sputters out some dumb crap (seriously, does he get MORE awkward every week?) and tells her to “ask me anything.” Andi’s first question is “have you ever lied to a girlfriend” to which Brian responds “no.” That turns into a weird “do you want to make out?” request from Brian to which Andi responds “no” and he calls her a liar and goes for her face. Well played, shy Brian.
Marcus and Andi get cozy, and he drops a bit of a bombshell on her: when he first realized he was “falling” for Andi, he went to the other men and said he was thinking of leaving because it was a weird environment or whatever but he slept on it and decided to stay because she’s “worth it.” Oh Marcus, nothing makes a girl feel prettier than knowing you almost cut and run but stuck around because basically you took a nap. Thanks.
Hanging out with the other men inside, JJ muses that he was probably one of the ‘liars’ and that he probably lied about being good in bed. Yeah, that sounds about right. Josh, meanwhile, is AGAIN complaining about having been forced to take a lie detector test. HEY JOSH YOU KNOW THIS WASN’T ANDI’S IDEA, RIGHT??? Fuck. He’s happy she ripped up the results, and Andi should be seeing about a million red flags right about now. This, of course, all leads to a ‘what are you hiding from me’ conversation and Andi legit regrets not reading the results now. In her private interview, she cries that “I don’t know how genuine this is.” Josh is starting to look shady as fuck.
Luckily, along comes yawn face Chris to cheer her up, by confessing to being her Secret Admirer. “I knew it,” Andi giggles. She calls him her “dash of hope.” Chris ultimately receives the group date rose, and once again the other men are all happy for him…well, everyone except JJ. The Pantsapreneur is sick and tired of everyone being all happy and supportive for each other when they get one-on-one dates/date roses/a scrap of attention from Andi. Chris wants to know what the alternative is? Are they supposed to hang around all day shit talking each other and being dickbags? Brian – always the voice of reason – is all “I just focus on the next opportunity to talk to Andi.”
The next day, Andi embarks on her first date with Cody. She mentions thinking he has beautiful eyes. Too bad about the rest of his face. She muses that “maybe Verona is the place for us to be romantic,” and I can actually hear the question mark in her voice. Doubt it, doll. My viewing mate R shouts “he looks like a lizard” at the screen and then refers to him as “Raisin Balls”. I don’t even want to admit how long it took me to realize that it was a steroids reference.
So anyways, Cody says he’s “ready to be Andi’s Romeo” and then I never stop throwing up. They head to that ‘Letters to Juliet’ place where volunteers respond to letters from lonely souls who write to ‘Juliet’ to moan about their love lives and lack thereof. Andi reads a sweet letter from recently divorced Mary, 36, from Los Angeles who’s trying to figure out the current dating landscape. Cody reads (!) a letter from a man named Jason who is almost definitely a major stalker and wants advice on capturing the attention (and hopefully the heart) of a woman he’s smitten with/probably currently watching through binoculars from a bush outside her duplex. Cody’s advice to Jason is to believe in himself and “have confidence”. He reads his response to Andi, saying “I can relate to how you feel because I feel the exact same way around the girl of my dreams.” Damn you Cody, making me like you.
Oh wait, hold the phone: I take it all back. Because Cody just showed up for his dinner with Andi wearing an aggressively deep v-neck t-shirt under a too-shiny gray suit made of nightmares and possibly reflective tape. All my lady bits shrivel instantaneously.
Cody starts the night off by reading Andi a letter he wrote to ‘Juliet’. It’s kind of sweet, because he reminisces about seeing Andi get out of the limo on the first episode of Juan Pablo’s season of The Bachelor and being instantly enamoured by the “beautiful, down-to-earth girl with all the qualities I’m looking for in a wife.” I decide I’d be into Cody if I were blind until he says “I hope she helps me write my greatest love story.” Oh poor Raisin Balls.
Andi looks like she’s about to cry. Cody is laying it on so thick and saying things like “the longer you keep me around the more you’ll like me” and he’s talking so incredibly fast and basically trying to convince Andi she likes him and then she starts crying for realsies. Cutting Cody off, Andi half-wails “I don’t know if I see that potential in a romance…there’s a huge part of me that feels like it’s not there and I respect you way too much to hurt you but I can’t take you to next week.” It’s a highly emotional moment, broken by R deadpanning: “Maybe you shouldn’t have worn that jacket, Raisin Balls.” Classic.
Andi walks Cody to the Reject Van of Broken Dreams (but at least it’s a BMW) where he cries, but I suspect at least 60% of his tears are the result of being hungry. They never let anyone actually eat on this show, and he’s probs due for his 8th protein shake du jour.
Back at the Bro-tel, the bellhop arrives and removes Cody’s luggage, thus signalling the end of Cody’s Creatine-filled ‘journey’. R’s boyfriend (who we force to watch Bachelorette with us but are fairly certain he’s secretly super into it) pipes up with “maybe he’ll be the next Bachelor” to which R and I pretty much shout “HELLS NO” into his mouth. We’re adorable that way.
At the pre-COCKtail party the following evening, tensions are high because of Nick. He’s being whispered about and called “arrogant”. Marcus and Andi get some time alone, where he tells her (again) that he’s falling in love with her. JJ spends his private time with our Bachelorette just trying to put his mouth on her mouth. Brian reads some horrible letter that’s all about how scared he is that he’s falling for her so quickly (which she LOVES). Josh is mildly combative and brings up trust again and he seems poised to be sent packing this evening. R comments that Josh should “just tell Andi you’re in love with her…it works!”. Dylan returns, after bailing on the rest of the group date due to a stomach bug (karma, dirty hands).
Chris Harrison arrives and swiftly takes Andi away so she can mull over her big decision. She can’t help smiling when she says that “Nick is starting to be a believer in all of this.” So clearly, he’s solidly back in her good books. Chris is shocked that Andi ripped up the lie detector results without at least peaking at them, commenting “how do you not want to know???”
Andi mentions that Josh reacted badly and was agitated about taking the test. Returning to her dudes, Andi kicks off the elimination ceremony by announcing that she’s “a very lucky girl”. Shockingly, Dylan gets the first rose. I had assumed that he would be left to the end against Josh and ultimately sent home, since I’ve not even seen him and Andi speak beyond two sentences to each other in weeks. But it turns out Josh is safe too, and the man going home this week is JJ. “It’s because you never wear socks!” R yells at the TV.
Andi walks JJ outside and tells him she just didn’t see a future. He’s bummed, but relieved she cut him loose sooner rather than later. Once inside the sad sack limo, JJ tears up, saying “it just hurts for your heart to be wrong.”
And that’s it for this week! Next week Andi and her man harem will be in Brussels. I can’t even describe how jealous I am.
Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on week five of Andi Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette (original air date: Monday, June 16, 2014).
So we’re back after a double episode week followed by a week sans Bachelorette*. I don’t know about you guys, but I couldn’t wait to see what Andi and her man harem got up to this week.
Andi is in romantic Marseille, the “perfect place to fall in love.” Speaking of douche-canoes (just go with it), Andrew has spent ‘some time’ in St Tropez and Monaco so he’s feeling right at home in Marseille. The men settle into their hotel suite, where Josh receives the first one-on-one date card.
Meanwhile, Andi is having a tea party for one when Chris Harrison arrives all dashing and manly in a fisherman sweater and blazer. Apparently they are in different climates, because Andi’s sporting a leather mini. Chris kind of hits on Andi for a few moments before finally asking her if she’s falling in love. She confesses that she’s falling for more than one of the dudes.
She arrives at the hotel to collect a very excited Josh and I notice immediately that she’s wearing white jeans (I always think “SO BRAVE” whenever I see someone wearing white pants, like they’re an actual hero or something). The chemistry between Andi and Josh is palpable. They’re obviously super attracted to each other, but is there a deeper connection? They take a trip on a sailboat and make out and talk about baseball and shit.
Back at the Bro-tel, the group date card arrives and its blank (much like its reader, the yawn-inducing Dylan), except for a heart doodle and ‘Andi.’ Andrew is super keen to NOT be on the next group date card, but he’s in stiff competition with Brian and Patrick. The group date dudes are revealed to be Marcus, Dylan, Chris, Cody, JJ, Marquel, Nick, Patrick and…Andrew.
Back on their romantic date, Josh and Andi are talking travel and his baseball “career”. Josh claims he wasn’t as “mentally strong” back in the day as he is now. Okayyyyyyy. In her private interview, Andi comments that she’s worried her connection with Josh is similar to her connection with the horrible Juan Pablo, whom she emphasizes she could never, never have been with long term. But damn that is a pretty face on Josh, isn’t it?
While Andi is torn between lust and love, pantsapreneur JJ is chatting with Brian and Marquel and the gist is that Andrew – in addition to being kind of an ass clown who apparently got a waitresses phone number on a break from filming – is also perhaps a bit of a racist. My future husband Marquel is incensed. JJ spills that during the first rose ceremony when Andi presented both Ron and Marquel with roses, Andrew commented that she gave roses to “the two blackies”. Or maybe it was “the two black guys.” JJ can’t remember for sure, but swears he wasn’t loaded when he heard it.
Marquel is pondering the possibility of confronting Andrew about his alleged comments, and gets emotional talking about it. OH MARQUEL YOU’RE SO HANDSOME. YOU LOOK SO STRESSED. WHY DON’T YOU TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS AND WE’LL TALK ABOUT IT???
Andi and Josh find themselves at Longchamp Palace, and she’s really hoping to find a deeper mental connection. Early in the conversation, Andi admits to being cheated on by her “type” – the athlete type. Josh is hoping to change Andi’s impression of super handsome sportos. Josh’s confession: he hasn’t dated in five years. So where he lives, all the women are in comas, I presume. Josh too has been cheated on (his ex-girlfriend kissed another dude). “The next person I say ‘I love you’ too…I wanna marry,” he tells Andi. “This is the first time I’ve felt this way in forever.” Aww. Andi is smitten! “Everything that I thought is kind of working and happening,” Andi sighs. Josh sails his way into Andi’s heart and is rewarded with the date rose. Later, the duo slow dance while serenaded by Ben Fields in a picturesque courtyard. “I cannot wait to see what happens next!” Josh enthuses.
Group date day is next. Andi has a “really fun date planned.” But clearly she’s a HUGE FUCKING LIAR because a terrifying mime pops out from behind a curtain and I literally jerked back in my chair. There’s nothing I hate more than a mime. Except for maybe a clown. Terrifying mime (TM, for short) takes the men through their paces, teaching them all the classics: trapped in a box, trapped in a smaller box, walk like a penguin. The men and TM take their talents to the streets, performing for the people of Marseille. It’s ridiculous and I wish I could un-see like 97% of it. The locals look unimpressed, though that may be a default facial expression for the French. Marquel stands out with his many facial expressions while JJ mimes their first date (clever!). Nick is the sour puss of the bunch. He’s all frowns and crossed arms. Andi mimes “let’s start drinking” and blessedly this whole creepy silent charade has come to an end.
Brian receives his solo date card at the hotel, and it’s food-themed (“I’ve got the recipe for love”). Oh god I want to watch them eat everything. Side note: I haven’t eaten breakfast yet.
The other men are sitting around drinking and waiting for Andi to return and things start to get a little tense. Cody comments that Nick seems a bit over-confident and mostly invisible Patrick echoes the sentiment. When Cody asks Nick if he thinks he’s the frontrunner, he says yes. Andi arrives and immediately senses the tension, so she whisks Chris away and he spills the beans on the situation back inside.
Cody is getting heated and ‘all up in Nick’s face’, and when he sits down with Andi he tells her how “thankful” is to be around. He tells Andi that Nick had been giving him a hard time for referring to himself as “thankful” and Andi decides it’s time to go to the source of the drama.
“I had fun today,” Nick starts. “You seem salty on group dates,” Andi laments. “Those are the only few minutes I get to spend with you during the day.” She adds that it’s hard to watch Nick on group dates. Time to buck up, bro. “I think Cody was mad at me,” Nick admits. “I think he thought I was disrespecting him.” He’s apologized, but Andi feels like he’s downplaying it. “Am I being fooled by Nick?” her voiceover comments. Nick turns things around though with a poem. Vomit. Her face is all “this is great” but she comments that “things got complicated with Nick tonight.” Hmm. Marcus does better, and they make out forever
Back inside, Marquel confronts Andrew about his comments. Andrew swears he never made a comment of that nature. “Whatever you’ve been told is complete bullshit!” Andrew says/lies(?). Whether or not Marquel believes him, he remains composed and classy and walks away after. If I wasn’t already in love with Marquel, I would be now.
My jaw hits the floor when Andrew tells Andi he’s “been attacked” today. He doesn’t get into details but it all leaves me with a sick feeling in my stomach. Luckily, he doesn’t receive the date rose, which ultimately goes to JJ.
The next day Brian gets his first solo date with Andi. Cody is bummed that he’s not on the date because he’s a “total foodie.” Are we calling steroids food now? The cute couple stroll hand-in-hand through the streets of Marseille. They wind up at a private movie theatre and curl up to watch The Hundred-Foot Journey. Afterwards it’s time to hit the market and pick up some ingredients to make dinner with. It’s all cute when it’s time to shop (except when they eat sea urchin which is literally a recurring nightmare of mine), but once things move to the kitchen Brian fails to heat things up. Conversation is lacking, to say the least. Andi feels like she’s on a date with a completely different guy than she spent the day watching a movie with. “The movie made cooking look so romantic,” moans Andi. “This is not romantic.” Where’s the “aggressive, macho” Brian who pulled her onto a basketball court a few weeks ago to steal a kiss on a group date?
The food turns out to be as disappointing as the chemistry, but after they head out to grab a better dinner nearby things start to warm up a bit between Andi and Brian. He keeps starting his sentences with “man,” but Brian charms Andi nonetheless. He’s kind of shy and not great at making the first move. “I’m a coach..I strategize,” he sputters. He goes in for a kiss and Andi is impressed enough to give him the date rose, despite the earlier awkwardness of their date. Later they make out some more in the restaurant’s kitchen, which I’m pretty sure is against some health code but who cares they’re cute and this is France.
Andi opts to forgo the traditional pre-rose ceremony COCKtail party, as she is 100% confident in the three (!) men she is sending home tonight on the sad sack flight back to the US. Those men turn out to be Marquel (bummed – and how cute is his comment that meeting Andi made him “believe in love again”), Andrew (finally – and I want to punch a million faces when he claims he’s been “bullied”) and Patrick (not at all surprised – I would’ve liked to see him go on at least one real date with Andi). I’m shocked Andi would send home a personality like Marquel but keep total yawn faces Dylan, Chris and Cody around (ok so Cody isn’t boring, but still). Though all three are sweet, they appear to have zero chemistry with our Bachelorette.
Marquel, I’m here. Just sayin.’
Until next week!
*I titled the double episodes from two weeks back Week Three parts 1 and 2, and I’m calling this Week 5, but rest assured you didn’t miss a recap.
You guys, I have a confession: I’m obsessed with books. I can’t stop buying them. And since a lot of my friends like the same books as I do we’re constantly sharing books and even held a very successful book swap last summer. I’d been complaining for weeks that I don’t have time to read(total first world problems, I know). Between long hours at work and getting to the gym and dinner plans and planning for upcoming trips and meeting friends for drinks and just generally being a person who likes to keep very very busy I found myself reading the same book for 4 months. 4 MONTHS! It was Jonathan Franzen’s ‘Freedom’, in case you wanted to know. It wasn’t an easy read, but it was one that should’ve taken me two, maybe three, weeks tops. Also, I can’t read on the subway because it’s way too crowded (a pitfall of working ‘normal’ office hours), and I try to read before bed but by the time I actually get home and into bed it’s usually pretty late and I pretty much fall asleep immediately, dead to the world.
Finally I decided if I was ever going to get some reading done something had to change, so I forced myself to get up an hour early on weekends and go grab a coffee at one of the many fantastic coffee shops in my west end neighbourhood and just read before heading to yoga/the gym/the grocery store/brunch. Then I started forcing myself to go to bed a bit earlier each night and read then too. In the span of two weeks I plowed through The Fault in Our Stars (loved loved loved) by John Green and Me Before You by Jo Jo Moyes (just liked it, but I wasn’t blown away by the writing). I was starting to feel like I had a handle on things and would actually start to make a dent on the books jostling for space on my already-at-capacity bookshelf(ves).
And then I found out that the soon-to-be-closed Chapters at John and Richmond was selling everything at 50% off.
I took an early (and rare) lunch break and got myself over there the very next day and stocked up.
Oh and in case you’re asking, yes I do also peruse my local library but I find that I like the option of keeping books I love after reading them, or lending them out to friends, you know? I view books on my shelves as art, in a way. I like to surround myself with my favourite books, including Oryx and Crake, A Home at the End of the World, Special Topics in Calamity Physics, Hey Nostradamus!, The Time Traveler’s Wife and Less Than Zero, to name a few.
So now with summer finally here, I’m planning on spending some weekend mornings in the park with a coffee and a book, soaking in the sun and reading these books on my shelf (to start):
Last week I posted a few photos from a wonderful day spent with friends browsing the fantastic Aberfoyle Antique Market in Aberfoyle, Ontario. Here are a few more pictures from that day.
Stop reading now if you don’t want spoilers on week three (part 2) of Andi Dorfman’s season of The Bachelorette (original air date: Monday, June 2, 2014).
The “dramatic two-night Bachelorette event” continues with Andi and her man harem in “charming” New England. The Penis Parade arrive in their hotel room all whooping and hollering just in time for the one-on-one date card to arrive for Dylan (ugh – my least favourite).
Andrew, the main source of bro tension in Sunday’s episode, is 50/50 on Dylan getting a rose at the end of his date with Andi. Andrew fancies himself quite the expert on one-on-one dates, which is weird considering he hasn’t had one yet.
Dylan and Andi make their way to a steam train, where Andi hopes their relationship will “pick up a little steam.” Conversation is…lacking. To say the least. Mostly they stare out the window of the train and say things like “scenery”. He’s incredibly monotonous and almost deliberately void of personality. I see zero spark from Andi’s end. Dylan asks Andi about her longest relationship (3 years) and why it ended (she would’ve been “settling”). Dylan’s longest relationship was eight years and ended for the same reason. His ex got engaged the day after his brother’s funeral (cue the sad music). Things go back to “how pretty is this?” and staring out the window. Andi senses that Dylan has a “story” to tell her but is holding back.
It’s evening, and Andi and Dylan are in the train’s dining cart. “I want to see the real Dylan sooner rather than later,” Andi states. Dylan looks panicked and uncomfortable. “Uhhhhhhhh…I would love for you to get to know me,” Dylan starts. He reveals that he’s never really known his dad and then tells Andi about his sister dying of a drug overdose and then later on his brother’s spiral into heavier drugs leading to his death as well. It’s some heavy, sad stuff y’all. But Dylan doesn’t want Andi to keep him around just because he has a sad story. In her private interview, Andi breaks down and feels guilty for bringing him back to his hometown and stirring up all the memories for him. Andi presents Dylan with the date rose and assures him it has nothing to do with “pity”.
The next day, Andi ventures out on her group date at the Mohegan Sun Arena. The activity on deck is basketball which is right in coach Brian’s wheelhouse. Josh can’t stop smiling and Chris finds it weird to be on a date with 10 other dudes. Five “huge” WNBA players join them on the court and Josh seems to know a LOT about the WNBA. The boys are about to get “smoked”. One of the female athletes states: “I really hope they have more game off the court than they do on the court.” HAHAHAHAHA.
Andi decides to kick it up a notch and split the dudes into teams, the winning team getting more time with Andi later that evening. The heat is on, dudes. And Andi gets off on the competitive spirit, stating that it turns her on. She even jokes with the WNBA ladies that she wouldn’t mind if the game goes into OT so she can see more of the dudes tearing it up on the court. Team Rosebud – Cody, Marquel, Brian, Nick, Andrew and Eric – are the victors.
Andi and her “winners” gather and cheers to their night. Andi feels like her relationship with Eric has “stalled.” During Sunday’s episode I felt like Eric spent too much time trying to talk to Andi about their first date, like “wasn’t our one-on-one date THE BEST? Wasn’t it THE BEST DATE EVER?” and not focusing enough on the present. I remember thinking that he seemed a little intense about it, and almost like he was pushing Andi to single him our as her favourite or something. When the two of them sit down to chat, Eric comments that “every one-on-one time we’ve had…it’s so formal.” Andi’s response is a few “umm-hmm’s.” She does not look impressed. Andi confesses to feeling that their “flow” has stalled. “It worries me that we don’t thrive” in The Bachelorette setting, Andi tells Eric. She encourages Eric to tell her more about his life outside of work. Oh shiz. So we all know by now that Eric Hill passed away in April. Hearing him talk about visiting his family around the US before embarking on the show makes my heart hurt. He also shares that he left the Mormon church at the age of 26. Andi feels like they’ve “cleared the air” and reignited the spark. “We’re back on track!”
Back at the hotel, a bunch of dejected sad sacks mope into the suite.
Back on their victory tour, Brian pulls Andi aside for some private time back on the court. Brian’s totally “smitten” and Andi thinks Coach is “sexy in his element.” After teaching her how to do a layup, Brian makes a perfect half-court shot and if you listen closely you can actually hear Andi’s underpants hitting the court. She wants a kiss NOW, but Brian’s horrible at reading signs. He has “zero game when it comes to girls.”
One who has no trouble making a move is Nick, who starts kissing Andi as soon as they steal away for some time together. However, the group date rose ultimately goes to Brian. Clearly the Coach didn’t completely blow it.
The next day Andi picks Marcus up in the bro-tel and it’s “Leap of Faith Day.” Oh god why do they have to do some terrifying repelling/bungee jumping/falling as a metaphor for love date EVERY SEASON. Just let one pass, Bachelor/Bachelorette producers. Just let one pass. And this is coming from someone who pretty much went to Costa Rica to go zip lining in the jungle. Andi is petrified of heights and her nerves aren’t soothed by the windy conditions. “Oh my god. SO STUPID,” moans Andi. They get geared up and when Marcus asks if she has any last words, Andi’s response is a bleeped out “fuck.”
Marcus begins his descent off a 30-storey building and Andi (reluctantly) starts her descent shortly thereafter. Marcus is shouting instructions at her and telling her “not to look down.” THANKS TIPS. Andi’s in full-on panic mode but don’t worry because Marcus is ready to “be the man” in this relationship. It turns out that Marcus and Andi are (of course) repelling down past the window where the other men are lounging in their suite. Marcus attempts to distract Andi by asking her about her mom, who’s apparently “much nicer” than her. He gets a few laughs out of Andi and tells her she looks beautiful. Andi’s comfort level soars (no pun intended). They even kiss a bit.
The other men start banging on the window when they see the duo coming down, and tease Marcus, asking if he’s crying. Marcus and Andi make it safely to the ground and she’s ecstatic at overcoming her fear of heights. Over dinner, Marcus quickly covers up the rose with a napkin, because it’s the “elephant in the room.” Andi thinks his nervousness is adorable, because she’s totally into him. Marcus admits to not having dated in three years after being dumped hard by some chick. Marcus can’t believe that anybody would ever cheat on Andi, and they basically fawn over each other and then Andi presents him with the rose for showing his “protective instinct and strength.”
They leave the restaurant and into a nearby casino (?) where country singer John Pardi is performing. As usual, they are made to dance together on a raised platform in front of the band and the other concert-goers. Marcus tells Andi that he’s falling in love with her and that “it’s the scariest thing in my life right now.” WHOA DUDE. PUMP THE BRAKES. Andi is thrilled. And with that, Marcus passes Nick and Josh as the frontrunner for Andi’s heart.
A special delivery Arrives for Andi in her hotel room. It’s a letter from a secret admirer. Hmm…who could it be? Andi heads into the pre-rose ceremony COCKtail party in great spirits. Marquel (hot damn he looks great) tells the fellas that he’s feeling a bit of anxiety going into the rose ceremony, but I don’t think he needs to be. There are at least three other guys on the chopping block before him in my opinion (Tasos, Patrick and Cody). Likely sensing his shaky status, Tasos is the first to pull Andi away for some alone time. “Stepping it up,” the other dudes comment. Their vibe is totally friend zone and Andi’s face reads as ‘not gonna happen dude.’ Brian interrupts and Tasos gives him a very gentlemanly handshake and walks away, thus sealing his fate in my mind. Brian confesses his regrets at not kissing Andi and then lays one on her. Andi says he’s a “really good kisser.”
“Marquel Fresh” lightens Andi’s mood, and since he works for UFC he decides to show Andi how to defend herself when he’s not around. He guides her through a “rear naked choke” hold (um…ok) and then he’s interrupted by a “sick” feeling Eric who is feeling a bit perturbed after their last chat.
“I had a lot of time to think about our conversation…I’ve been really open with you and I don’t understand where that (doubt) was coming from,” he starts. He adds that he feels like Andi’s not being real with him. “I came on this to meet a person, not a TV actress.” Andi fires back with “you think I’m a TV actress?” When Eric tells Andi that what he sees from her is “poker face” her actual face couldn’t look less impressed. “You’re sitting here looking me in the eye telling me I have a poker face on!” Andi half shouts. Things get worse from there, with Andi starting to cry while defending herself saying “do I work my ass off and stay up late so that everyone knows that I’m here for them? Yeah I do. You have no idea how exhausted I am! You have no clue how it is to look at them in the face and send them home!” Stop Eric. Just stop. And oh god knowing that he’s dead now and that this is likely their last conversation (?) is gut wrenching.
“There is a part of me that doesn’t even want to waste another minute of yours,” Andi says. “You’re continuously calling me fake,” she adds. “You’re so upset at me…I’m sorry,” Eric stammers. “I think at this point you and I both know this isn’t going to work…I can’t fight for someone who doesn’t believe in me,” Andi declares. At this point I actively tune out because it’s so hard to watch and so uncomfortable and it’s so obvious that Eric will be leaving and knowing that these are the circumstances under which he left the show before passing away just make me wish that the producers had cut some of this out, despite the legitimacy of Eric’s concerns.
Andi marches back into the living room to address the other dudes.“If any one of y’all thinks that this is a joke to me..that I have a poker face…you can walk your ass on out.”
One who is walking his ass on out is Eric, who leaves in a taxi. “Love is the reason [to live],” states Eric. Ouch.
Rather than show the rose ceremony (in which Tasos was sent home), The Bachelorette producers decide instead to have Chris Harrison address Eric’s death from a paragliding accident back home in Utah shortly after leaving the show. Andi joins Chris in the studio, and Chris reminisces that Eric caught her eye early on in the season, even getting the first one-on-one date.
“There was just more openness with other people,” Andi admits. “Would you have handled it differently?” Chris probes. “It’s not ideally the last conversation I would want to have with somebody,” she responds. Chris Harrison reveals that Eric’s accident happened during the filming of hometown dates. “When I talked to you that night…how did it effect you and how did it change everything?” Chris asks. Andi responds that it put everything into perspective in the midst of these larger-than-life dates and the surreal-ness of filming a reality dating show. “He will be greatly missed” Chris ends.
So that’s it for this week. How do you feel about the way in which Eric’s dramatic departure was addressed on the show? Who sent Andi the note signed as her ‘Secret Admirer”? My guess is Nick. Hit me up in the comments.
Until next week!